This is what I have been chasing around....

Welcome to my world

I have been sick, again. I hope this round of antibiotics KILLS this sinus infection before I go CRAZY! Ugh! I have not been sleeping well because of the sinus stuff, I am exhausted (I know, I complain of that WAY too much). I have a lot to be thankful for ---namely a monkey named Carter!

Too long

I guess the time has just flown by since I have not posted in a while. We celebrated Father's Day Sunday. Carter got Greg a T-shirt that says "World's Coolest Dad". Mommy got daddy a nice relaxing CD so that daddy won't stress out with all the work he has to do. Daddy also got a picture frame, a mug oh, and Beef Jerky!!!!!!! Hee hee.

I was at Wal-Mart and was going to pick some up beef jerky for Greg. For some reason he loves the stuff. So, I as a joke, I saved it to give to him on Father's day. I hid it in my dresser drawer. Third drawer down, on Greg' side of the bed. The same place I keep my workout clothes. Well, apparently, I didn't close the drawer good enough and Greg was sitting on the bed and looked over and said "is that beef jerky????" I shut the door really quick and explained to him that that was part of his father's day gifts. He just laughed. It was funny to us anyway. I won't tell you the things Carter gets into in Greg's nightstand. There is no telling what that boy will pull out of that drawer! I'll stop there before I embarrass myself any further. Actually, he comes by it naturally, because I am a natural snooper myself. And I come by it honestly. But I won't name any names!!

Speaking of curiosity, I really do not understand my husband and his lack of curiosity. Well, he is curious about some things, like how things are put together and made (gee, I guess that is why he is an architect)but other things he could care less about. Like when he found his father's day beef jerky hidden in the drawer, he had no desire to go back and dig underneath the beef jerky to find out what else was there. We had a conversation about it. I told him not to go snooping in there because other gifts were under the beef jerky. He said, "okay". I asked him "You mean, you have no desire to dig through that drawer and find out what else is in there?" He said, "Nope". And he meant it. He doesn't have any desire to read my journal's either. He doesn't snoop. He doesn't get into things that don't pertain to him. He doesn't even open my mail. He just leaves it for me to open. It is really a nice, safe feeling to experience that your stuff is your stuff and it isn't going to be gone through.

This is a new experience as in my family, things got looked at whether you liked it or not. Assumptions and conclusions were often made on what was found before you had a chance to explain what was what. Or, you might not have even been able to explain before conclusions were drawn.

The horrible thing is, I have NO boundaries when it comes to snooping into things I shouldn't. Like I said, I come by it naturally. I also have the tendency to jump to conclusions before I have all the facts in front of me, however, I have gotten much better at that. That is why it is so hard to understand why a perfectly normal man would have no desire to go through someones dresser drawer KNOWING there were gifts there!!!!???!!!!! How is that possible??????????

I don't think we will ever know.

We're HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are back from our vacation to Gulf Shores. We had a great trip! Carter had a great time. He wasn't thrilled with the ocean but LOVED the kiddie pool. We also had no trouble getting him to nap or sleep. I think the sun, heat, and water wore him out. My wonderful nieces kept him in their room and got up with him each morning giving Greg and I a nice break! Here are some pictures from our week in Gulf Shores!!

I guess you can tell by looking at these pictures that Carter is feeling better. Before we knew it, he had gotten a hold of a box of tissues!

We went to the doctor yesterday and luckily he does not have an ear infection or strep. He has a viral infection. He is also teething. He definitely feels better today and was running around acting like his old self. Hopefully tomorrow the fever will be all gone.

We leave Saturday to go to Gulf Shores, Alabama for vacation. I cannot wait to see Carter and the ocean and how he reacts to being at the beach. I will post many pictures of course!

Friendships

You have heard of the saying "waxing poetic", well today, I am going to wax sappy! LOL! I am going to be sappy because we had some dear friends in from out of town this weekend and it was WONDERFUL having them here. We had just visited them three weeks ago, as you might have read in a previous post. I have permission to post pictures of their beautiful daughter. Which I will do in another post.

Remember, we had pictures of Carter and Anna, their daughter, done while visiting them. Anyhoo....I will try and post Carter and Anna's pre-engagement pictures!!! HEE HEE! We are planning their marriage. Yes, it will be arranged. Ha! Don't believe me for a second. But it would be cute if they did get married and they had their first portrait done before they were age 2.

Anyway, the weekend was full of emotion and exhaustion! Friday we spent time at Sean and Heather's house with our other friends visiting from out of town. When we got home from that party, Greg had to go back out and fix a flat tire for a friend, then, he got voice mails regarding some incidents that occurred at some property that we own. It was after 1:00 when we got in bed. Saturday, we decided to let Carter stay at Grandma and Grandpa Mayo's overnight so we could re-charge. Then Sunday, I taught my parenting class, and we came home had lunch and then prepared for Steve and Marsha's BBQ/baby shower.

Everything went well except for little Carter. Greg picked him up from his parent's Sunday afternoon and he immediately went down for a nap and he did not wake up happy! In fact, Carter was not himself the whole party. It was quite frustrating, we could do nothing to please him and he cried a lot and was inconsolable. Let me tell you, there is nothing more frustrating when you child can not communicate to you what is going on.

Well, it turns out that Carter had a high fever. Once the majority of the party people left, I checked on him and he felt really, really warm. I took his temp and it was 103.5. Needless to say, I freaked out. He has never had a high fever in his life, even with an ear infection. We called the doctor's office and of course, it was not an emergency and they told us what to do. He got up once in the night but overall, he is back to his old self. He does still have a fever so I guess we will go to the doctor tomorrow.

After the party we were able to say goodbye to our friends and pray over some of our other friends. We are commanded to love one another and to carry each other's burdens and intercede for each other. It was a wonderful experience overall.

As exhausting as the weekend was it was filled with wonderful memories! Memories that will last a lifetime.

Thank you God, for wonderful friends!

It's official

I gave birth to a monkey. My mom will be so pleased!

The reason she will be pleased is that she, too, gave birth to a monkey--ME!

Carter is climbing on everything. He is tall enough to reach just about everything. Let me give you a run down to our morning...

1. Carter is in our bedroom throwing all the books on the floor. He pulls down his clothes off a chair and finds the loud metal trashcan and empties it. Mommy steps in and throws away all the potential deadly suffocating material from the trashcan so that he can bang it on the hardwood.

2. While I am downstairs, Carter apparently climbs on my chair at my desk in the kitchen. I know this because when I came back up stairs 2 minutes later is carrying two picture frames from the back of the desk.

3. I am cleaning off the table and the only things left on the table are his diaper bag and my purse. Being the wise woman that I am I put them in the middle of the table to keep tiny fingers from pulling them off the table. I am so wise, I think. I turn my back for a second and come back and my child has turned the chair sideways and climbed onto the kitchen table and is digging through my purse.

4. I go into the bedroom to clean up the mess that Carter just made. I eye my wedding ring on the floor.....hhhmmmm....where is the band? Yikes. I frantically look for it thinking we are going to have to go to the ER so that I can see my diamond wedding band on X-ray in Carter's stomach. Luckily, he had placed it in Daddy's tennis shoe. Guess I will be moving those up to my dresser now.

5. Carter successfully pushes the trash can back in the pantry after I emptied it. Good boy!!!

6. Carter is obsessed with the dishwasher and has now figured out how to open the door even when it is locked.

All of this has gone on before 10:00 am! And you wonder why I am tired! I haven't even attempted to share all the times of redirection, snatching inappropriate objects he carries around the house. Things he can ingest. Toothpaste is his fav!

Greg comes home at lunch time and fixes himself something to eat. He goes downstairs to get a coke and comes back up as Carter snatches the chips off the kitchen table! Carter brings them to me. I tell him I don't want any but I think Daddy does!!!! Carter then goes back to the dishwasher and Greg asks me, "how exactly do you put childproof locks on a dishwasher?" I replied, "You don't!"

I think that is it, for now. My little monkey is taking a nap. Thank you, Jesus, for nap time!!!!!

New Bible Study class

Sunday was not only Mother's Day, it was also the start of a new Sunday School/Bible Study class at my church, Two Rivers. Since it was a holiday weekend we really didn't know who would be in there. A lot of people were out of town. Some people had told us they were interested but we really didn't know what to expect.

I have been reading a book on Christian leadership and was really convicted about my prayer life and the place prayer has in ministry. Through confession and in reading the scriptures this week I have made some changes in not only my prayer life, but also life in general. This past week has been awesome! I feel the Lord is growing me and molding me and even though I don't really like everything He is doing, I know the changes are from Him and they are ultimately for my good.

Anyway, I felt a total peace about Sunday. Greg asked me Saturday night if I was nervous or not and I replied "no". And I meant it. I haven't felt peace like that in a long time. But I have to also say that part of me thought that no one would really be there and there was nothing to worry about -- ha!

Well, we had one couple come in and we started chatting. We had decided to let them go to the service at a certain time if no one else showed up, given it was Mother's Day and all. Well two more couple eventually showed up. We were so excited. The first couple of weeks are basically an introduction and I am figuring it will take about a month for everyone to get settled in. We are really looking forward to this and seeing what God is going to do in the lives of these parents!

I am finishing up a parenting class on Wednesday nights and it has been really fun. It was an intimate group of four couples and we all knew each other but I think we have really grown in the past six weeks. Next week, we are having a panel of parents come in and we are going to ask them some questions about raising kids.

So, lots going on here but it is all good.

I am continuing to receive my supervision toward licensure and over the summer we are going to be able to meet every week. I think sometime in the fall all of this will be wrapped up and I will be able to take my big, fat state test.......YIKES. If and when I pass, I will be a licensed clinical social worker, or, LCSW. In Tennessee, LCSW's have a lot of respect within the mental health field. When people ask me what an LCSW is, I tell them to compare it to an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) or a Psychologist. The only thing about the Psychologist is they have a Ph.D and LCSW's are not required to have one, although I am sure there are many out there that do.

The technical deal with being licensed is that I am able to receive third party reimbursements. Basically, I can take insurance and be in private practice. The goal of being licensed for most people is credibility and the ability to be in private practice.

I told Greg that when I get licensed we are having a HUGE party cause I think it is a pretty big deal. He agreed!

Black and White

We celebrated Mother's Day Sunday. It was a very special day for me, as a mom. I still have to sit back and remember that I am a mom, that this very special blessing was bestowed on me. I can really hardly believe it because for so long I just thought motherhood, or being a wife, for that matter, would never happen for me.

Now, not only am I a mother but we just celebrated four years of marriage!!! Where has the time gone?

We met some friends at the mall later on in the day and we had to let Carter out of his stroller because he was tired of being confined. We sat on the stage at Opry Mills Mall and let Carter go 'round and 'round. He came over to us and I was holding him when a little girl made her way across the stage to tell Carter 'hello'. Her name was Kayla. She looked a little bit older than Carter but not by much. She was ecstatic to see Carter. Her mom was trying to get her to repeat his name. She wanted to give Carter a hug. Then Carter wanted to kiss her. It was too sweet. Then Kayla's mom took her back to the other side of the stage. Carter followed suit and started following her around the stage. I don't think she quite knew what to do about Carter. Then they just started acting like toddlers playing around.

As I sat there watching Carter and this little girl it struck me that Carter had no idea that that little girl was a different color than him. She is black, he is white. She, also, was oblivious to the skin color. They were just happy they had met each other and wanted to have some fun.

It got me thinking about a song in the musical South Pacific called "You Have to be Carefully Taught". I have only seen the 1958 movie version and have the soundtrack.

Prejudice is, unfortunately, something that surrounds us even today. It will always be with us. I think each of us are prejudiced in some way. Some more than others. It is a very sensitive subject for some people. It always amazes me how some people love to hate. And for the most ridiculous reasons with many justifications and rationalizations.

Some of us that think we are liberated and educated enough and have "come into our own" so to speak. But racism meets us in the face every day. How we treat people. How we refer to them as a 'color'. Like that needs to proceed a description, as if that will help describe the person better.

Greg and I have talked about teaching Carter about racism. I feel extremely strongly about it and so does Greg. We have talked about the 'what ifs'. What if Carter falls in love with a woman of a different color? Are we that comfortable with letting go of racism and preconceived notions to 'allow' that?

I feel very strongly that is it just as much racism to say you can be friends with someone of a different color but you can't fall in love and marry someone of a different color. I believe that is a double standard. Kind of like another movie I once saw, "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". Those parents were 'liberated' in their thinking and thought they had taught their daughter well. Until she brought home a black man.

Does that mean I am encouraging Carter to marry someone of a different race? No, I am not going to worry about that. If Greg and I teach Carter and train him in the way he should go, I believe the Lord will tell him who he should marry, not me. I do want my son to grow up with diversity and I welcome any friendships of any nationality. That is something that was made clear to me that was not permitted growing up.

I won't get into that for respect to my family. I will leave this post with the lyrics from the song from South Pacific. It is something to think about. If you are raising children today. Please think about racism and the impact it has on how you treat other people and what you think about other people.

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught from year to year,
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear—
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade—
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late—
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate—
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

Wow! It's been a week already!

We went out of town last weekend to visit some dear friends in North Carolina. We had a great time visiting with them. The used to live here and were married in the same year we did. They have been gone for 3 years. We sure wish they lived closer, but they are in seminary. They have some decisions to make and I hope it brings them closer to us. But above all, I pray that they would be completely in the Lord's will. They have a 19 month old little girl who is just precious!!! We had Carter and her picture made together. I meant to ask them if it was okay to share it online. I will ask and if they say yes, I will post some pictures later. Baby number two is on the way for them in July! Wow! We have been married only five months longer than them. We have other friends that got married less than a month after we did and they are expecting their second baby in June! I guess we are a little behind! That is okay with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of marriage, Greg and I celebrated our fourth year of marriage last night. It wasn't exactly romantic, but it was supposed to be. Greg's mom and dad picked Carter up from school and we had reservations to a swanky place for dinner. Swanky, I guess, is a southern made up word for "fancy" --hee hee. Greg was not feeling well when he got up and had a headache with some aches and pains. Well, by the time I got home in the afternoon, I found him laying in bed burning up with a fever. Needless to say, we cancelled our reservations and will try again tonight. Greg is feeling much better this morning.

We did exchange cards last night and my romantic husband *created* a gift card for me. It is so sweet. We are going to go shopping for deck furniture for our anniversary. I have been desperate for deck furniture since we got married so I was happy to see the "gift card"!!!! Very sweet that he took the time to make that. I love you, honey!!

Carter is feeling much better and so am I. We are back to sleeping well and it seems like old times and Carter's sickness a distant memory. I am sure there is another road block up ahead but at least we are getting some good rest in between.

Two blogs in one night!

Wow! That has to be a first!!! Well, I made some changes to my blog, added some photos, mixed things up a bit...so I hope you like it. If this is the first time you have viewed my blog, please take a look around and let me know what you think!!

It's been a while...

We were sick last week. I finally went to the doctor today and got antibiotics for a possible sinus infection. Carter is NOT SLEEPING through the night. We have maybe had one or two nights where he has slept through since he was sick last week. We had one night where he was up three times. The past two nights he has awakened around 5:00 am. We are very spoiled. Carter is a GREAT sleeper. He has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old. He only has issues with waking in the night when he is sick or teething. Believe it or not, the ear infection has caused very little of his waking. He has been teething like a madman. He drools more now than he ever did when he was first cutting teeth. I guess I would too if I had molars splicing through my skin. Ouch!!!

Today he woke up at 4:50 and my wonderful husband got up. I had my earplugs in blocking the noise from the annoying birds so I didn't wake up until Greg was already out of the bed. Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. Remember, I told you about those annoying spring time birds? Somewhere between 4-5 AM I wake up, reach over on my nightstand and search for a bright orange ear plug. I can do it with my eyes closed. Good thing, since it is still dark with only the light of my digital clock radio shining in my eyes. Then I stick the ear plug, only one, in to block the incessant chirping outside our window. If I happen to roll over, I actually change the ear plug from one side to the other in my sleep. Yeah, I know, that is really sad. But what am I to do? I can't go outside shooting the birds like the Julia Robert's Father character in Steel Magnolias. Although, I really wish some birds would just DIE.

Anyway, I digress. This morning Greg got up with Carter. Carter did not go back down. On the way to mother's day out he fell asleep in the car. I rode around for 10 extra minutes so he could get some sleep. He took an 1 hr and 40 minute nap at "school" (AKA: mother's day out). I went to a health food store to get something someone recommended to help Carter get back into the routine of sleeping through the night. At this point, I will try anything for SLEEP!!!! So we'll see if it works. I will keep you posted.

The wear and tear that the lack of sleep has on a person is beginning to show on Greg and I (ie: GROUCHY). We get 'short' with each other. But it is all okay, because we always put a 'honey', at the end of what we are saying. Tonight I was trying to print a file from our newly updated Microsoft Office. I attempted to print and it printed blank. Greg came over. We each had opinions about how to fix it. I asked him why it printed the way that it did. He replied, "That's what I am trying to find out, honey", with a sigh and the sound of irritation in his voice. Then I got all frustrated when he had to sit there and figure out how to get it to print. I thought he was taking too long and wondered why he just didn't take my advice and highlight the material, hit print, then click 'selection' to only print the highlighted section. Seemed simple to me. But no, he had to sit there and dissect the problem. Instead of communicating my impatience to him I simply walked away and started working on my project with the information I had already. I knew if I said anything it would be with a 'tone' which would only lead to more frustration and ill words when we don't really mean them. Eventually, Greg brought me my file printed. The only thing is, next time I have to print, I still don't know how to do it. Hmmmm...oh, well, maybe we will have had more sleep the next time I have to print something and I won't get all impatient when he has to show me how to do it.

We're sick

Well, I am sick and Carter is sick. So far, Greg is fine.

Carter has an ear infection. I have what I think is an allergy season attack. I cleaned Saturday (yes, I do clean) and I must have vaccuumed an inch of dust from our curtains in the bedroom, our lamp shade and the ceiling fan! I recently saw a TV show, or read an article somewhere about how dust mites accumulate in, surprise!, DUST. If there is no dust, there will be less dustmites. Eeeuw! We have had those curtains up for two years and I have never thought to vaccuum them until I saw this show. Who knew???

Have you looked at your ceiling fan lately? Every season, dust accumulates on our blades. When it got really warm a few weeks ago I wouldn't let Greg turn the fan on cause I didn't want dust floating around the room all night. So, I had to clean it. Summer is coming.

So, after that cleaning I started getting sick. See, I don't know if that means I should just NEVER clean because I will get sick, or if I should clean on a regular basis so that dust piles do not accumulate. Hmmmm. I will have to think about that one.

Carter got his 15 month shots on Thursday and immediately came down with the sniffles. By the next day he had a full blown cold. By Tuesday morning he had a fever so off to the doctor we went. Apparently, just in time. He had a full blown infection in his right ear. Ugh. So we are on the pink stuff, AKA: amoxocillan, for 10 days. One good thing, well a couple of good things, actually, is that he hasn't been sick since December and second, he doesn't fight taking his medicine anymore. It used to be a nightmare to get the "pink stuff" down him. We would hide it in his applesauce. Now he just stands there and I squirt it in. It's like no big deal.

Other than that, not much else going on here. I am preparing for a new Bible Study class that I will be teaching on Sunday mornings starting May 13th. It is a parenting class at church. I am really excited about it. Its kind of scary, too, because it is a huge commitment. But, Greg and I are ALWAYS there on Sundays anyway. It is just a matter of getting out of our comfort zone.

Don't leave the Starbucks laying around

Yes, that is the rest of my no-fat, no-whip, iced mocha from Starbucks. I inadvertently left it on the kitchen table while I got busy doing other things. I kept hearing Carter playing with something and eventually, when the thought occurred to me that I better check it out, I walked over and found him on the floor with the last remains of my iced mocha. I quickly grabbed the camera and took a shot. I think it is priceless!!!!!

Spring Time

I am sleeping better this week...the birds have been quiet! I think the cold snap over the weekend flew them further south! Hallelujah!!!!!

It is a GORGEOUS day! After my duties at church the morning and afternoon I snuck outside with a Starbucks coffee and just soaked up the son! It was really nice, especially after Sunday! It was freezing here. Crazy! It was such a sweatpants-curl-up-on-the-couch-day.

Today, though, it is sunny and 74 degrees. It was wonderful having some 'me" time to just sit and think about whatever I wanted to think about. Too often I use my 'me" time to run errands, do things for other people, or keep on working at the church. I need me time, time alone. Time to reflect and recharge! Especially since I am doing so many "people" things these days.

People drain me. I am naturally an introvert. So, when I do a lot of things with people, interacting with people, or talking with a lot of people, I want to veg out somewhere all alone. It is like my personal re-charge time. Extroverts, on the other hand, thrive on being around people. The more people the more energized they are. I am completely opposite.

When I don't get to have time alone, I am not a happy person. I get grouchy and moody. I have learned to recognize when I need to be alone or do something for myself. I think it is important for each of us to recognize our need for time alone and seclusion.

So, today, sitting in the sun, I just sat there, drinking my coffee and looking at the beautiful creation around me. I thought about a lot of stuff but none of it really mattered. I think all the time. Sometimes it matters and has a purpose, othertimes it does not. Today, I purposefully sat there trying to think of nothing but I think that is impossible for me.

I took my time alone at Opry Mills mall in the Opry Plaza near the Grand Ole Opry. I actually started to crack up at all the people that came over to take a picture of the Grand Ole Opry. It was really distracting to my seclusion time. Apparently, the bench that I was sitting on was just the right spot for a great picture of the Opry. I tend to forget that I live in a tourist town. I really don't understand why people would want a picture of the Opry, but to each his own. So I got distracted by all the people coming by and snapping pictures of the Opry.

And then I just got HOT, because it is really warm here today. But as I stated before, I would much rather have today than the weather we had on Sunday.

BRRRRR. I told someone Sunday that after the cold snap, it would then just proceed to get HOT and we would be burning up until October!!!

Unfortunately, I am probably right!

Very busy!

I haven't been a very good blogger this week. A lot of stuff going on. I don't guess that is any excuse but, it is true.

Carter is starting to communicate more and more. He will repeat words after we say them and it is so wonderful to actually hear words come out of his mouth! He repeated "I love you" to us the other night! Of course, it didn't sound exactly like that, but we know that is what it was. Then he repeated "I" right on. This stage is amazing.

I know he gets frustrated that he can't tell us what he wants all the time, I know I get frustrated not knowing what he wants. When Carter is through with anything that he is eating for dinner in his high chair he throws on the floor. We try to get it through his head that we do not want him to do this but nothing really works. So we are working on teaching him "all done!". I raise both my arms in the air with my hands out stretched and go, " all done!". It is so hilarious because he will raise his left arm straight up in the air mimicking what I have done. He has no clue why he is doing it but I guess it looks fun to him. I said it the other night in the living room while I was feeding him his bedtime snack and I thought he was through so I said, "all done?" and Carter throws his arm up in the air!!!!! And starts walking all around the living room with his arm in the air!!! LOL!!! Greg and I cracked up!

I am still amazed at this little life that I am in charge of taking care of and that he came from me and Greg. Believe me, I am extremely thankful for the blessing of even being able to have a child because so many couples struggle with infertility.

However, it does not make me any less thankful that Carter's bedtime is at 8:00 and he goes to sleep for the night!!!!!

WE LOVE bedtime here at our house!!!!! Whew!

Spring Cleaner and the Birds

No, I didn't mean to say that spring cleaning is for the birds, the title is correct. However, every Spring, I have to deal with chirpy birds outside my bedroom window. They start waking me up about 5:00 EVERY morning. This is not a good thing! It is time to start pulling out the ol' earplugs so I can get a decent night's sleep!

Greg and I were married in the springtime, May, to be exact. Apparently, I must have still been in wedded bliss the first year we were married because the birds caught me by surprise the following year. It was also way too bright in our room first thing in the morning. I took care of that about 2 years ago and bought some really dark curtains! They are wonderful. However, I am thinking of updating the look. Which leads me to spring cleaning.

I have organized my desk this morning and organized the mess that was on top of my desk into nice little hanging folders. I have shredded, thrown out, filed, labeled and just about cleaned out everything. It feels good to clean and organize. I also dusted today, very much long overdue. I intended to clean our bathroom but it didn't happen. I did walk 2.5 miles which cleaned out my brain!! Very much long overdue also!!!

I wish I felt like doing it all the time. Actually, I need to get rid of the "feel like" and just "do". The definition of discipline is doing what we need to do even when we don't feel like it. If I applied that to my life more often, I would get a lot more accomplished!

Happy Spring!

Good Friday

Last night we went to the Easter production at my church, Two Rivers Baptist Church (tworivers.org). It was an amazing production, unlike anything that I had seen before!!! TRBC is known for their Passion Play. For years, we would give away tickets and have at least 5 performances in one weekend. There are live animals, a creative screenplay that ties the scriptures into some really believable fiction, which all turns the focus to the true Christ. It really is an amazing thing to see and an incredible experience in which to be a part.

The past few years we have not had that Passion Play, music ministers change and new ones come in. You know how it goes. Our staff does follow closely to the call of the Lord and the times that we have not had any Passion Play at all has been because we felt the Lord leading in another direction.

This year, we had an Easter Production called, "Saviour", the Story of God's Passion for His People. Along with the choir and orchestra, we had two special guests, Travis Cottrell (he leads worship in the Beth Moore conferences and used to lead music at our church years ago) http://www.lproof.org/. The other special guest was Ballet Magnificat (balletmagnificat.com). It was an amazing combination of great music and lyrics along with the ballet company telling the story of Christ's passion for us.

I have to tell you in the beginning, I was a little hesitant. If you have ever been to a ballet production, say, the Nutcracker or Swan Lake, this would have reminded you a little bit of that. Not something you see every day in a church. We have dancers at our church too during the Passion Play, but these were actual ballet artists and I was awestruck at seeing the passion that they have and how their moves really told the story of Christ's sacrificial coming and the cleansing of His followers. He made the way. I cannot describe this event in a way that really gives it justice. I lost myself in it after about the second song. I basically just sat there and saw the symbolism of the dancers and listened to the words of the songs. The pivotal moment was when Christ has died on the cross and risen, and the dancers, who were in black, crossed over a red veil, and then stepped over in red, dropping their black outer garments. Is that not a perfect description of what we go through when we accept Christ as our saviour? All the blackness is gone. We are red, covered under the blood. The blood that was shed, just for me and just for you.

One of my good friends was in the production. I told her afterwards that as a Christian, and a person that has been a Christian for a very long time and has grown up hearing the Easter story every year, it is sad that it becomes familiar and lackluster. Can I even write those words? I cannot sit hear today after seeing that production, say that the Easter story is "lackluster". But being in the familiar for so long it seems to have lost it's supernatural touch.

Heaven forbid.

It was wonderful seeing something like I had never seen before. I know there are probably people that were there that did not look past the men in tights and dresses or the women in their heavy make-up. I say, too bad for them. It was a wonderful blessing and I thank God that He gave me the opportunity to see it. I am even more thankful that He sent His son.

Parenting Class

I am very excited that the parenting class that I attempted in February is starting back up tonight and there will be 5 of us there. I was just looking back over the material and I am excited that it will be a small group and that I get the opportunity to present that material. It really is good material. It is from Family Life Today and it is part of the HomeBuilders series on parenting. Good Christian stuff. I am looking forward to learning and hearing from other parents and parents-to-be.

Emotional Investment in our Children

Anyone can be a parent. Some of us are more prepared for it than others, but unfortunately in some cases, most are not prepared for the responsibilities of being emotionally vested in our children. They don't have to take a class, there are no requirements except those which you take on because you want to be a good parent. No one checks up on you to make sure you are doing it right. If you are lucky you have a mom, grandma, sister, cousin or maybe even a close friend to receive feedback from. However, how you were parented affects how you parent. I think I have said that before. That could be good or bad, and again, no one is there to tell you the difference. What if you come from a dysfunctional family and your only role model was an alcoholic or severely depressed parent? How do you make things different for your child's upbringing?

On Sunday, a man spoke about his upbringing. His dad died when he was young and he and his younger brother were raised alone by his mom. He said that their basic needs were taken care of. They always had a warm meal and a bed to sleep in but his mom was not there for him emotionally and she was basically trying to survive on her own with two boys, doing the best that she could.

I bet a lot of people can identify with that kind of parent. Emotional connectedness is something that I see a lack of all the time in family therapy. The parent comes in wanting the kid "fixed". However, most of them would agree that there is something that they could do to change to become a better parent. Most of the time though, the change never happens and the parent is left frustrated not understanding why their child will not change or get better.

I spoke to someone on Sunday that said something that has a lot of wisdom. She said you get so caught up in having a baby, and buying all the baby stuff, and looking at the ultrasound picture, etc. that you don't think about the fact that you are becoming a parent for life and how exactly are you going to go about that. Usually people do not think about that until they are in crisis mode and they have 15 year old that is out of control. Or their child has an eating disorder, school problems, defiance, the list could go on and on.

But the truth be told these are all symptoms of a bigger problem. And a lot of it could be avoided if we had just spent a little more time being emotionally invested in being a parent. Not just going through the motions, providing basic needs, but communicating with our children. Taking the time to train them and discipline (ie:teach) them.

We all need a time out now and then. I know I do. But I also realize that now is the time that I start investing in my child, giving him my time even when it is inconvenient and hard. Even when I would rather be doing something else.

I don't always do it right, but I do strive to be the best parent that I can be.

Good Nights sleep!

It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do for a person! I have been working out a lot this week (still trying to figure out if I can do that darn 3-day). Anyway, I have back problems anyway and it seems when I step up my exercise, my back starts hurting. I could be doing too much too soon. Who knows. I took some ibuprofen yesterday and that seemed to make a big difference. It doesn't hurt that Carter is better and sleeping through the night again.

It is a typical saturday here at our house. I finally mopped our kitchen floor and there is some laundry in the dryer. We are going out with some friends tonight so I am looking forward to that. Carter is staying home with a sitter woo hoo!!!!!!!!!1

Be looking for more parenting posts next week. I will try and do at least one each week that deals with parenting issues.

Hope you have a great weekend!

American Idol

I have never watched American Idol before this season. For one thing, my husband hates it. We have one TV upstairs, so I compromise. I have seen snippets before. Well, my mom was visiting at the start of the season where they have gotten past all the auditions and the actual 25 are on. Anyway, I have been trying to watch it as much as I can. Tuesday, dear hubby was out with his dad and I got to watch the show. I have several opinions about the singers on there. I don't understand why some performances are heralded and others are ripped to pieces.

This week, Chris Sligh got cut from the show. It was just last week that I found out he had been to Bob Jones University. If you don't know what Bob Jones is, go back to my post entitled, "Happy New Year" in January and follow the link that explains fundamentalism.

Anyway, my parents sent me to Bob Jones when I was a freshman in high school. We lived in Tennessee. Bob Jones is in South Carolina. I lived with a 20 year old and a 19 year old in the dorm. It was an okay experience but when my parents asked me if I wanted to go back for 10th grade I declined and they said okay. Part of the reason I was sent to Bob Jones is because I was basically failing 9th grade. This was after a summer of tutoring in Chattanooga, at Tennessee Temple University (which also happens to be a fundamentalist school). Anyhoo, there were a number of reasons I was struggling, lack of intelligence was not one of them, but to explain it would mean a whole other blog post. Maybe I will do one one time.

The point of me bringing this up is that I read today on MSN that Chris gave an interview to the Greenville News in SC. I read MSN and the whole newspaper article. Chris apparently was expelled from Bob Jones for going to a contemporary concert. A 4-Him concert at that. Ahh, but I remember the days, back in late 80's when one of my close friends (whose parents happened to be missionaries in Australia) had his Amy Grant tape destroyed once it was found in his possession. Ridiculous? Absolutely.

I have already written in past posts about my feelings regarding fundamentalism and my relationship with Christ. It is nothing but legalism and bondage. Again, you can check that out in my post "Happy New Year", which I wrote after my high school reunion. A reunion from a fundamentalist high school.

I was telling the gals in my mommy's group this week about my experience. A friend in there told me a little about her sister-in-laws bringing up. It was chillingly similar to mine!!! My girlfriends were amazed and I was empowered by talking about it. They were shocked at some of the things my friends went through. See, my parents were part of the church, and even though we followed "the rules", we were our own people and we had ideas and opinions about things. My dad was not a 'yes man' in the church, which is why he was never made a deacon. So, even though we had a screwed up upbringing, there were other's who were more enveloped in the movement than we were. We easily transitioned by the time I was 18 or 19. I left the church after a number of scandals, one against my best friend, were brought against good, honest people. Reputations were destroyed and lies were told. I saw a family crumble before me in the midst of untruthfulness and emotional slaughter. I was there when members of the church would call anonymously and whisper bible verses to my friends parents, telling them to 'repent'.

It was a horrible experience to go through and I was just an observer. One thing I held on to was the fact that the god that was being preached to us during this crisis was not the God of the universe. I knew, somehow, that my God, was a true God, and even though I didn't fully trust Him (due to the warped nature of my upbringing) I knew this was not Him

I left church all together for one year. I moved to a different city. I eventually found myself in a Southern Baptist church is Morristown, Tennessee. It was the beginning of my spiritual healing. Once I moved to Nashville, the Lord completely restored me emotionally.

That is why I am SO passionate about truth.

Chris Sligh, ROCK ON! As you say in your blog, frommymindtoyoureyes.blogspot.com/ you can have a relationship with Christ AND be a rock star! The two are not diametrically opposed!!

It's all catching up with me.

I am pooped! The past few days have caught up with me. Carter's escapades over the weekend, Greg being sick and not sleeping well, and therefore, I am not sleeping well. And of course, the topper of them all, getting awakened at 2:30 this morning by Carter, who most likely is teething. Well, I know he is teething, why he woke up screaming at 2:30 is unknown. All I know it left me feeling tired ALL DAY.

Therefore, this post is very short.

Greg is at a hockey game with his dad and I have thoroughly enjoyed my evening alone! :-)

Love ya, honey.

Our weekend

This weekend we went to Montgomery Bell state park in Burns, Tennessee. Let me tell you, there is no good coffee to be found in Burns. I know, I know, I am very spoiled with my Starbucks, but it really stinks when you don't have what you are used to. Especially, coffee!

However, before I get off on the bad coffee ( I did have a great cup at a coffee house in Dickson, just up the road from Burns...) I must tell you of Greg and Susan's great adventure with Carter!

We really had a low key time, for the most part. We got off just great. Greg was a huge help in getting everything ready to go and took Carter to an errand so that I could pack everything. We expected the trip to take about an hour and a half but we did it in just over an hour. Greg kept repeating all weekend that he couldn't believe Nashville was just an hour away, it felt like we were in a completely other state.

We had lunch at the park restaurant, and it was quite yummy. We then had to take a trip to Wal-mart because someone (Me!) forgot to pack Carter's swim diapers. A trip really isn't complete without a trip to Wal-mart, now is it? We came back to the park and checked in, set up the pack and play for Carter to sleep in and tried to figure out what we were going to do the rest of the day.

We decided to go to explore a little bit and asked for directions to get there from the Inn's registration desk. Well, we never quite got to our location. I really cannot even remember what was there in the first place, something historic. We made it to downtown Dickson and then got lost, turned around and decided the town looked quite quaint and decided to walk. They have some great shops and a wonderful coffee house where I excitedly ordered a large Starbucks wanna-be coffee. We found a BBQ place to eat. Carter was doing really well in the car thanks to the portable DVD player. We get back to the park and go for a swim. The pool was indoor but it is only heated by the sun (I guess that has something to do with being in a park). Anyway, Carter would have no part in getting dipped in the frigid water. So, we went outside to the hot tub, which we all enjoyed, but only for a few minutes.

So, we get back to the room and decide to get Carter ready for bed. Greg and I had already talked about sitting outside on the balcony and reading quietly. Kind of relaxing.

We gave Carter a bath, a snack and his bedtime medication. He has a cold and is teething. He is biting EVERYTHING, and we are his favorite snack of late.

So, the moment arrives that it is time for Carter to go to bed. It is actually past his bedtime. Carter has been excited about being in a different place and exploring the room, pulling the phone off the nightstand, dialing the front desk when we weren't looking, that kind of thing. Greg and I were watching a movie while Carter was exploring. It was hard to tell if Carter was sleepy since he was soooo excited about being in a new environment. We had set up his pack and play by the bed, next to the air conditioner and window, but the crib wasn't in front of the air or anything.

So, Greg and I turn off all the lights and hold Carter and tell him its time for bed. We give him his blankie and tell him "night, night, we love you", just like we do at home. We lay him in his crib and go lay on our bed like we are going to sleep. Carter protests, and protests greatly. We ignore him, being the crying-it-out parents that we are. Carter becomes HYSTERICAL. We turn the lights back on, I pick him up. He is obviously petrified.

It dawns on me that this is the first time we have been in hotel room with Carter since he was about 7 months old and completely oblivious to his surroundings. Greg and I, being the concerned parents we are, discuss the situation. We figure it is a new environment and Carter knows we are still in the room. So after we calm him and give him his blankie and do the night ritual thing again we go HIDE in the bathroom with all the lights off. Carter protests, again. He becomes hysterical, again. We stand there in the dark bathroom trying to figure out what to do. Do we let him cry it out, do we go pick him up. There doesn't seem to be a solution to this problem. We try to put him to bed with us thinking we can just sneak him into his bed once he is sound asleep. He will have nothing of it. He wants up.

So, again, we let him up and let him have the run of the room. So, I have the bright idea to give him some milk to calm him down. So, I give him his milk and rock him in the chair, we have dimmed the lights. Carter is noticeably calmer. We know he is sleepy, its 9:30 at night, over an hour past his bedtime. I completely replicate his night ritual at home after his milk. Carter is so calm when I put him down. I caress his face and tousle his hair, just like I do every night and repeat the all familiar words, "night, night, I love you". I leave the pack and play and not a peep out of Carter. I tell Greg to turn the TV off for fear of there being too much light in the room. I creep over to the bed. Greg and I collectively are holding our breath.

We did it.

We exhale just about the time we hear Carter peep. And then we see this head pop up. He is up and he is not happy. He is crying again. I go over to console him without picking him up. It seems to be working. He is lying there so tired. And it looks like it is going to work.

Nope. The screaming starts again. I start crying. I am at my wits end. Here we are trying to have a relaxing weekend, and this happens. I worry about the other people at the Inn. We finally decide we are going to have to take extreme measures.

We then did something that I thought we would never do as parents.

We got dressed, took Carter, strapped him into his car seat and proceeded to drive around Montgomery Bell Park at 10:15 at night to get our child to sleep. Let me give you the time line of how long it took Carter to fall asleep in the car...

10:15 -we start moving
10:16 - Carter asleep.

So that part was easy. The hard part was going to be getting him back to the room all the while staying asleep. We had already assessed this task as difficult, seeing as how we have to pass through two, very loud, automatic doors to get back in the Inn. Luckily we found another entrance that was open. Greg and I already had a game plan about who was going to bring him in and who would park the car. I felt very much part of a team going through this. I felt like we were in the throes of a football game and only had few seconds to come up with a new game plan. Who knew if it would work? We decided it would take the two of us navigating the doors to successfully bring him back in still sleeping soundly. It really was quite funny seeing two grown adults being totally controlled by their child. This little 32 inch bundle had us in the palm of his hand.

Well, I have to say that Carter was so tired that we got him back in the room without incident. And he stayed asleep in his crib. Greg and I got ready for bed. Any thoughts of doing anything we discussed earlier were out of the question. We were exhausted from this ordeal and just wanted to go to sleep. We had just gotten down for the night and Carter wakes up. AGAIN! Screaming. We lie there just for a minute but it is obvious he is not going back to sleep.
I have visions of us having to leave to Inn. I thought, if he doesn't go to sleep we might as well go home. I could see us up at 2:00 am checking out because Carter wouldn't go to sleep in a strange place.

Luckily, I was able to pick him up and console him. He fell fast asleep again within minutes and stayed asleep the rest of the night.

We had an okay nights sleep. The mattress wasn't that great. We were in a double bed because all the King rooms had been taken. Also, Greg has been sick the past couple of days with a cold and he got up a couple of times. I kept waking up every few minutes so I was very glad when Carter woke up at 7:30 in the morning and we could get up.

Greg and I have decided that the next overnight trip out of town Carter is staying with someone else. And we won't be staying with him in a hotel again for a very long time.

I do have to say that Carter was still so pooped from his escapades from the night before that he took an early nap in the car and Greg and I were able to get on the Natchez Trace parkway and enjoy an extra long drive home.

In peace and quiet!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what is up with me today

Carter has been sick and VERY clingy this morning. Would not take a morning nap, even after medication. I hate that he feels bad, but at the same time, it is frustrating not being able to console your child or figure out what is wrong with him. Finally, he napped after lunch and is still napping!!!

I have been in a yucky mood for several days now. Don't know why? Hormones? Maybe. Don't we always blame it on the hormones?

Tomorrow is Greg's birthday and we are going to a state park and spending the night. Believe me, it is a nice state park and we are staying in an Inn. Didn't you read my last post? I don't do tents! :-) We are bringing Carter, so I hope he starts to feeling better. I have not started packing yet. It almost doesn't seem worth it to go somewhere for all the packing preparation you have to go through to take a one year old along! I do have to say it gets better with time. Before we would have had to pack two bags just for all his stuff and bottled water for formula, etc. Its nice that he eats just like us now!

I will get back to parenting stuff next week. Enjoy the break. I have ordered Erickson's book on development. I learned about him all through college and grad school. But who remembers all that stuff!

It's really funny because you go to school to learn and I am familiar with Erickson and his life cycle of development. It is pretty crucial and, I feel, very accurate. Most psychologists, LCSW's, LPC's refer to it when they are talking about being "stuck" somewhere in a person's development, or not having your needs met during a specific time in your development. What is funny is that now that I am out of school and wanting to do more parenting seminars, etc. I have to order his book and re-read it and learn about it all over again. It's like we cram all this information into our brain to make an "A" on a test and then don't think anymore about it. I also have a difficult time retaining knowledge. Unless I repeat every week, it tends to get lost in the brain somewhere and I am vaguely familiar with it. It's sad really. I really don't like smart people.

I am fascinated with how the brain works, how we develop, how much nurture there is and how much nature...the timeless debate. I need to ask my mom about my birth again. Apparently, I had a difficult birth. I was blue when I came out, not breathing. I had been stuck on my mom's pelvic bone. My mom mentioned recently about the doctor's telling her about my condition and telling her it probably wasn't going to be a good situation, but I need the whole story. I don't know if my birth has anything to do with my retaining problems and I don't guess I will ever know. But it is fascinating to me. My poor mom should have had a C-section for all three of her deliveries! Crazy.

I'll tell you more on that later.

Free Day!

Thank God for grandparents! That is all I have to say. It is spring break this week so no weekday school for Carter. Tuesday I had a mommy's lunch, which was a lot of fun. Today, Carter is at Grannie and Grandpa Mayo's house!! Woo Hoo!! I dropped him off and went to work out at the YMCA. I am very proud of myself, I did 25 minutes on the elliptical machine. Again, Woo Hoo!!!!! I warmed up, lifted weights and did the cardio. I have an appointment at 2:00 for a pedicure. I am soooooo excited. I am FREE...for today. :-)

My friend Lisa has this absurd idea to do the Atlanta 3-day walk for breast cancer awareness this October. It is a THREE day walk, 20 miles a day!!!!!!!!! That is a total of 60 miles in three days. Yeah, I know!!!! Here is the link to the website. They have them all around the country. www.the3day.org

Anyway, I am working hard to get in shape and she was telling me all about this and I thought what a better way to get into shape than to have a goal in mind. This way, I would definitely make it to the gym. It is something to hold me accountable. I kind of got excited. I told my friend that even if I didn't do it, I would help her raise money so I am going to link her website. It probably doesn't take you long to think of someone who has suffered from breast cancer, and it may be someone very close to you. So even if you can't participate in something like this you can always find ways to give. Here is the link to Lisa's website. https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=202305&supid=167726764 . I hope it works.

So the funny thing about this is that I was kind of getting excited about the possibility of doing this. Once I start something I usually don't quit, especially something like this. And Lisa told me if you can't walk the 20 miles per day, that's okay, it is just a goal. But see, I would have to do the 20 miles a day, I would want to know that I could do this. I have the time to train, they show you how to train, etc.

So I come home and look it up online. I am still excited. Then I read the part about sleeping in a tent for two nights. Apparently, it is all about "community" and sharing in this experience. Oh, and then I was reading about the safety tips, when to shower, eat after you walk, etc. Then it mentioned how your tent might be hot and if you don't hydrate and get nourishment you could pass out.

Let me pause her so that my friends that really know me can chuckle a little bit. You see, I am a bit of a...well, how can I put this and not make myself look like a Diva. Uhm, I really don't like the outdoors. I don't like to go camping. I don't like sleeping in a tent. I like electricity. I don't like to be overheated and I like amenities. Okay, get the picture??? Apparently, I don't like canoeing either (found that out when I was pregnant). Oh, and I really don't like to undress in front of other people. Or shower in front of other people. I don't care if you are a women and we have all the same parts, I don't care. I just am not comfortable walking around naked in front of other people.

So, I emailed my friend and I told her, if I am doing this, I am NOT staying in a tent! I hear a nice, PRIVATE, hotel room with a bath TUB calling my name. Hello! Who could walk another 20 miles without even soaking in a tub. I am sorry, but there is NO WAY! So then, my friend responds telling me that I am funny (yeah, I am really funny). She then mentions how it isn't how she would like to spend the weekend either but as long as there is a cot to sleep on and a toilet to use, even if it is a port-a-potty , she figures she will be so exhausted that she won't care.



My response.... PORT-A-POTTY????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????

Um, yeah. IF I do this (and it really is a big if) I will have my hiney in a hotel room.

I know it should all be about racing for the cure, and that is really what is important, but can't we have a few nice amenities, too?????

Your Family/Your Self

I know I kind of left a weird ending to the blog last night. You see, when I was in college, I had a psychology class, or a human services class, don't remember the exact name, but it was my first introduction into family systems. The professor at that time was a Marriage and Family Therapist, he was on staff at Carson-Newman College, my Alma mater. His name is William Blevins. The title of our textbook, which happened to be written by Dr. Blevins, was entitled, Your Family/Your Self. It was an amazing class. How you parent begins with how you were parented, your family. It is all inter-related. Tied together. Whether you believe it or not. There is much research behind it. But everyone has the power to change HOW their family affected them. That is the wonderful thing about learning about family systems and exploring your background. It helps you understand HOW you want to change things, if anything at all!

Your Family/Your Self was written in a way that you could use it as a textbook, you could read it and learn more about your family, and why you function the way that you function, or if you really wanted to take it to the next level, you could actually perform the exercises in the book and basically, it was like going through therapy. Every week, 2-3 times a week we met with Dr. Blevins in class. He explained everything and gave us "homework", which were the exercises from his book. Here is a link to the book on Amazon.com. I just looked it up to see if it was on there. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Family-Self-William-Blevins/dp/1879237539/ref=sr_1_5/104-2306550-2559126?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174497887&sr=1-5

This class was eye opening to me. I had no problem coming to this class and completing the work because I was, in essence, working on ME. For the first time, I was understanding why I felt the way I did about my family. Why we did things the way that we did. I was fascinated. Even if you have never taken a psychology class, this book is easy to read and understand and it will take you on a wonderful journey. I think I am going to order the updated version to see if there is any more recent stuff in there. This will be a great resource manual to me. I am sitting here looking at my copy from when I was in college. I have kept it after all these years, probably close to 8-9 years!!!

In 1998 I graduated with a B.A. in Applied Psychology and in Human Services, a double major. No, I wasn't really that smart. I was going to get a minor in App. Psych, but had so many classes in it already that my advisor told me I should just go ahead with a double major. After my B.A. I was accepted into the college of social work at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Nashville location. Yes, that is how they put it. Basically, UT has had a social work program in Nashville since the late 1930's (I think). In 2000, I graduated with my Master's of Science in Social Work. My move to Nashville was the best thing I have ever done in my life. I would like to say that I was living very close to the Lord at that time and I felt the call from Him to move. I was still struggling spiritually at the time I moved to Nashville. And to be honest, I had to pick which program I wanted on the application, Knoxville, Nashville or Memphis. I can still remember the day I chose Nashville. I just wanted them to assign me somewhere but I couldn't do it that way. I thought to myself (after thinking it over for many days) Lord, if you want me in Nashville I guess I will get in. And I did. Even though I was not walking closely with God, God knew my heart and knew I was trying the best that I could at the time, God was still faithful. He knew my spiritual awakening and healing would occur here. He knew my future husband awaited me here. He knew the ministry that I am starting would be here, in Nashville, Tennessee.

Dr. Blevins class allowed me to see what social work was all about, even though he is a marriage and family therapist. Both sciences look at families as systems. And my degree at Carson-Newman prepared me well for my first year of graduate school.

From the time that I did my first internship at a day treatment center for adolescents in the 1990's to my last job as a child therapist working in a school in 2006, I have never stopped learning about who I am and how I relate to others around me. I still have a long way to go. I do have a lot more head knowledge about families, systems, parenting, structure. But now that I am a parent I want to make sure that I don't create the same mistakes my family did (we all make mistakes). Some mistakes are just more detrimental to those around us. I am happy I have the family that I have. It has shaped me to be who I am. I like who I am. I like who I am becoming. It is a journey that will never end until I take my last breath. I just want my son, Carter to have a different experience than I did.

And I guess the crux to all this is, I have the power as a parent to shape my son to be autonomous, healthy and whole, or I also have the power to be toxic, unhealthy, and inappropriate toward my son, which would not help him become autonomous and the best individual he could be. Being awake and conscious of the power you have as a parent is crucial in how you parent!

You are a system, not a vacuum. Remember that! And thanks, Dr. Blevins, for being a great teacher, where ever you are! I don't know if I ever thanked you for that introduction into myself! I really appreciate it.

Time for a change

Don't worry. I haven't given up on being a stay at home mom yet. That is not the change I am talking about. I need to change my focus on this blog. Greg and I had lunch with a friend last week, Henry. Henry has been on stage, well, practically his whole life. He and his wife Elizabeth have a handsome boy named Pierce. Pierce has spina bifida. Anyway, Henry has started speaking about his life with Elizabeth and the journey they are on with Pierce. If you want to read more about their lives and if you need an inspiring speaker, give Henry a call. Here is a link to his website. http://www.henryjernigan.com/.

Anway, at this lunch I was specifically talking with Henry because he has been on stage, he has been in the background promoting, marketing. He has A LOT of experience and I felt I could glean from his wisdom. I know he feels like he did a alot of talking but I was listening and I feel that God was speaking to me through him.

One of the things that I hear over and over is "you need to write". Which is part of the reason I have a blog. The only thing is, I seldom blog. I need to blog on an almost daily basis. Okay, I know, I need to be blogging DAILY! I need to write more about the parenting stuff I want to do. Share some of my experience. So that is what I intend to do.

Don't worry. There will be plenty about Carter and being at home with him. But I want to focus on more of what I feel God is sharing with me, how He is growing me, and how, hopefully, I am being obedient and He is being glorified. I also want to write more on parenting. How I got to where I am. How the way I was parented shaped the person I am today, the good and the bad. And hopefully show you how you can be a better parent!

So, if you see me seriously slacking on the blog, let me know. If you want to hear something specific about parenting issues, let me know. My next blog I will explain a little more about my professional background and why I am even talking about helping you become a better parent.

It all starts with your family and your self....

A stay at home, what?????

If I had written a post about two weeks ago, you would have been reading about my woes as a stay home mom. I was frustrated, tired, mopey, moody and wondering what I got myself into. Apparently, I will probably go through this about once a month. Its called PMS! Ha!

Now, all is right with the world again and I am extremely busy. Not just with being at home with Carter but my work at the church. Tuesdays, which is today, are exhausting for me. Getting up and out of the house is stressful. Making sure I have everything prepared for the Moms group that I lead at 9:30 along with getting Carter ready, fed, dressed, and food prepared for his day since he is in weekday school (AKA: mother's day out). Then after mommy's group I volunteer in the counseling ministry office for a couple of hours working on organizing some stuff in there. Right now I am working on a community resource guide for the director since we refer a lot of people out to other counselors in the community.

Wednesday nights are getting even busier. I was supposed to teach a class Wednesday nights but only one person came. But the good thing is, I am now starting to counsel more kids on Wednesday nights and that is filling that time up.

Another part of ministry that became very evident this past week was in conversations with dear friends. Praying for friends going through a rough spot, difficult pregnancies and hearing praises from other friends. I love being in the center of God's will. Right now I feel like I am doing what I have been called to do and I just want to stay right there. I know I won't be able to, that's all part of growth. And then there is the whole failing and being human part. I just pray that where ever the Lord is taking me on this journey that I surrender and stay faithful. I would hate to miss out on what God has in store for me and the ministry I am involved in.

As draining as being involved in ministry gets me, I wouldn't trade this spot where I am right now for anything else in the world. When I talk about being drained, I am more drained emotionally than physically. Since I am not a naturally extroverted person, leading people in a discussion for 2 hours kind of drains me. Praying over babies, marriages, and ministry is draining. Having all these ideas for ministry running around in my mind is draining! Wondering how it is all going to fall into place is draining.

But coming before the Lord with my requests and calling on him for my strength and sustenance where I can lay all my requests out to God is REFRESHMENT! It replenishes my soul. It allows me to keep going. It affirms my faith. It affirms my purpose, which is ultimately to worship the Lord! That keeps it all in line.

That and a good, long soak in the tub! That's where I am headed!

Yep, just when I thought I was going to start losing it, everything aligns back up and all is right with the world. Well, at least for the next couple of weeks! LOL!

Home, at last

I have officially, officially been a stay at home mom for over two weeks now. I am no longer sad about leaving my counseling position. It was very difficult, but I know it was what I was supposed to do. So, some of you might be asking yourself, " I wonder how Susan is doing...?"

I am managing staying at home just fine for right now. I have to say, dare I say, I am enjoying myself. I love not having the pressure of having to get up and have a schedule, except Carter's schedule. I do love spending the time with Carter and working on challenging him and seeing him develop and grow. And I LOVE naptime! Ah, that is true mommy time! And next to naptime, I LOVE bedtime, Carter's bedtime! Ah, that is mommy and daddy time. Adult conversation and interaction. It is great.

Having a one year old keeps a person very, very busy. That is an understatement. There is no time to be bored when you are running around the house trying to keep your son out of the toilet water, trying to get him to eat, and trying to hold him down to change his diaper. I swear sometimes I feel like I am trying to lasso a bull! Once I get that diaper on I raise my hands and call "time!". It really is quite hilarious. And I have to say, Greg changing Carter's diaper is even more hilarious. We have that on video.

Speaking of Greg, he knows when it is time for me to get out of the house. I come into his office (he works from home) and I stare blankly at him for a few minutes. I make sure he doesn't have any meetings and Carter is down for a nap. I tell him I am going to pick up a gallon of milk. I then leave and return two hours later, with no milk.

Tuesday mornings are my most hectic morning, next to Sunday, due to my mommy's group and volunteering at the church. But other than that, depending on when Carter wakes up, I can sit and drink my coffee, have my devotions (very rare to have in the mornings unless I want the Teletubbies as my backgroupd "worship" music, just kidding, of course). I either have my devotions during Carter's naptime (true peace and quiet) or at night. And I can go to water aerobics at the Y at 8:30 AM, if I am so inclined! Or I can sit in my bathrobe until noon with my hair all askew from not showering. I really try not to do this often.

And Mr. Carter keeps me hopping! There is no time to be bored. I am tired, though, by the end of the day. Up and down, down and up. Change diapers, feed Carter, give bath, retrieve toy out of toilet, rescue Zoe, the cat, from a Carter hug, retrieve Carter from litter box, feed Carter....ah, the joys of toddlerhood. I am not just tired, I am EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, so far, things are going great. We are still adjusting to everything, but I think this is going to work out just fine. Ask me in a couple of weeks how I am doing. It may change. If you notice my hair is askew, I have no make-up on, and it seems that I have not showered in several days, you may want to pull me aside and tell me I am in desperate need of a night out. Believe me, I will take you up on it!

I'm so stinkin' sad!

Today was my official, official last day at work. My offiicial last day was December 22nd, but I came back in January to help out at my school part time until the new counselor came back from sick leave. So today, I am officially, officially done.

I did not expect to feel the way that I am feeling. I have been doing termination with my clients all month. For all of you out there not in the counseling world, don't worry, I wasn't trying to kill anyone, it is just a term we use when we are ending a counseling relationship. Anyway, I went around to all of my kids at school today and said goodbye. It was really, really hard. These precious little lives have so much potential. I would love to see them grow up healthy, happy, and secure. I never see my kids past eighth grade but every once in a while I will hear an update from someone. Unfortunately, most of these kids aren't growing up secure and happy, which is why they see me. As I said good bye to each of them, I thought about their lives. Who will get beaten up tonight at home, who will be bullied at school, who is struggling to stay afloat in school. Who feels like they want to end it all. I thought of the client who wants to be a police officer, I hope she makes it. I thought of the abuse that has taken some of these student's innocence at such a young age. I thought of the kids going home to an empty house full of siblings that have to take on adult responsibilities and they are not yet thirteen. It is sad. But I also think of the good that has come of knowing these little ones. The progress we have made. The smiles, the trust and self-esteem that has been built. Oh, and the teachers! Yes, there are wonderful teachers out there, and assistants. I just did not expect saying goodbye to them would be that difficult. Some of them looked really sad. I looked really sad. After I had gone around to everyone I was hit with this huge sense of sadness! It was like a big lump of heaviness in my chest and it wouldn't go away. Then I had to leave the school and go to the goodbye lunch my team was having for me. Oh, my gosh! I just sat their saying "I'm so sad". I felt kind of like a lame lunch date. I pretty much just sat their listening to everyone talk. I would interact a little bit but for the most part I felt numb. I have not been preparing myself for this. I have not processed this one bit.

I know that this is what I was supposed to do but at the same time I have enjoyed this job over any job I have ever had. Yes, it can be stressful, but I worked at a great school and the mental health agency I work for is great, the people are great. And I have just been going with the flow not even thinking about that this is going to be officially over. YUCK! This sucks! So everyone is leaving the lunch hugging me and saying goodbye. I start crying. I know I will see these people again, we will keep in touch, but the fact that I had not even THOUGHT about this being "it" overwhelmed me. So it's good that I keep saying over and over "This is sad". I am acknowledging how I feel. It will pass.

I am excited to be home, I am excited over my new ministry opportunities. I am excited to see what God has in store for the future.

But right now I am just going to be sad. I will probably eat lots of chocolate today. But that's okay.

Buggy Boo's Birthday!

Yes, we have pet names for Carter. They are all a derivative from "Carter Bug". We say, Carter Bug, Bug, Buggy, Boo, you get the picture. Anyway, we had his birthday party on Saturday, January 13th. It was great. Lots of people (our house was FULL)! Carter did great. He loved being around all the people. We had a Curious George theme, with balloon trees and monkeys (thanks, Sean) and lots of books. We had asked people to bring books instead of toys. With it being 2 1/2 weeks after Christmas who needs more toys? So Carter received LOTS and LOTS of books. YEA!! We like books. Carter does too. Carter really didn't know what to do with the cake, except make a mess on his high chair tray. He barely had icing on his face and he did not put his face in the cake (which is what I was hoping for). Oh, and he fed Mommy cake, as you can see above. That was the SWEETEST!!!! We had pictures from Greg and I's one year photos and us eating our cake. More and more people are saying Carter looks like Mommy (I told you so) but he still has the unmistakable Mayo eyes--and they are gorgeous. I don't mind bragging on my beautiful Buggy Boo any day of the week!!!

Happy New Year...

... and happy early birthday, Carter! He turns 1 in 12 days! I cannot believe it.

Well, I had my 20th high school reunion. It was pretty interesting. It was like going in a time warp! Some of you reading this know of the environment in which I was raised, so of you do not. Just be warned, the next few paragraphs are expressly my perception and my experience. If you experienced something different, that is great. But this is how I see things and how I feel about the experience that I had.

I grew up in an independent Baptist church during the fundamentalist movement in the 70's. For more information on what an "Independent" Baptist church is and their beliefs, see this webiste http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independent_Baptist. It explains A LOT about what I grew up in. Basically, we were separate from the world, meaning, we didn't listen to Rock and Roll, women couldn't wear pants, men could not have long hair, etc.

My family was part of a church in Florida and when we moved to Tennessee, we found a church in the next town. I also went to the Christian school there and graduated from it in 1986. My parents will both tell you, now, that it was not a great environment. It was very legalistic and very unhealthy. The pastor abused his power and position. It was a completely unhealthy environment, looking back. Growing up we didn't know any better. I don't think every independent Baptist church is like this, in fact, I know they are not. But this one is especially unhealthy, and I primarily blame the pastor and his abuse of power along with the extremely legalistic rules and regulations of the independent church.

The reason I am explaining this to you is because going to my 20th high school reunion was kind of scary. I didn't know what I was going into. I live a very different life now, a life, I feel, of freedom in Christ. A very different life than I had growing up.

Now, for the most part, I really enjoyed the class that I was in and the people in it. And we had a great time at the reunion. It was at someone's home and it was very laid back. Most people had changed very little. It was really, really nice. Lots of families there. Good laughs at great memories!!! Yes, there were many good times that were had growing up.

The shocker, though, is, that most of these people still believe the same way we grew up and it is so hard for me to get that. My relationship with the Lord now is so much more than it could have ever been back then. I became a christian in that dysfunctional church, however, I had no idea what a real relationship with Christ was until years later. The Lord has blessed me with emotional healing, and a personal, intimate relationship with him. And you know what....you can wear pants, and go to movies, and listen to contemporary christian music too!!!!! Its amazing.

I do not understand why am I where I am today? Why am I not living in the same town? Why am I blessed with a wonderful husband and child? How did I get from there to here????? I know that God has an awesome plan for my life. I am so very thankful and I feel so overwhelmed sometimes thinking, how did I get out of that lifestyle??? Why am I not still in it???

I love each of the persons that I graduated with. And I respect their decision to stay in the same town, or surrounding areas, etc. But why stay in something that is bondage? Why stay in something that is not true, that is not wrong, but gets you no where closer to God? Why? I do not know each of their personal relationships with Christ, I would never claim to know. I just don't understand why people stay in such bondage to rules, when they can have freedom in Christ. A relationship like none other.

Anyway, I am sorry to ramble on, but it just breaks my heart. And maybe I am wrong to feel this way. I do not mean to be judgmental, but it seems to me that hearing from them the other night that the same crap is going on today that was going on 20 years ago! Its just in different places and with different people.

I am still exploring and probably will continue to explore what is true, just, and holy. How much is being too much part of the world? Where is the line drawn between legalism and true holiness??? The Lord is so much bigger than legalism. This much I know is true! He can reach anyone, in any situation. He can reach someone with rock music, He can reach someone listening to a woman speak in church, He can reach someone with a movie. It is not so much what we do but why we do it and how we go about doing it. Does it glorify the Lord? Does it honor Him?

I wear jeans and listen to a rock band in the contemporary service at my church every Sunday. And I worship a King! If you go to the early service, you get a traditional service with a choir and a more formal setting. And the thing is, both are OK with God. The point is to be with God while you are there, not the style of the service or your dress. God just wants you, He wants to be worshipped, He wants to meet your every need. He loves you and wants you, and you do not have to do a thing to get Him to look your way. He doesn't really care. He just wants to be worshipped.

My life is very different now than it was 20 years ago. And it was God's plan to be different. For me to grow and mature. And I know I still have a lot of growing to do. And I am looking forward to it. I guess I am just a tad bit passionate about TRUTH! I want to scream at the top of my lungs what true worship is, what a true relationship with the Lord is. I am not saying that other people in that small town do not have that. I am not saying that at all. I am saying that I want truth. Period. Just give me truth and leave the rest of the stuff on the side of the road.

Thanks for listening to my ramble. I hope it made sense. I pray the Lord will shine His truth upon you and I pray you accept His truth!!!!

Happy New Year!