I wanted to let you guys know that I will be speaking at the Awana Ministry Conference in Cordova, Tn on September 17th!! I will be doing two breakout sessions in the morning and in the afternoon.
The two breakout sessions I will be speaking on are:
1) Have Fun Teaching Spiritual Truths
Come learn how to start a Family Time in your home that will excite your kids about God’s Word. Activity is the language of children so use it to communicate biblical truth. This session will energize you about Family Time and explain how to make the scriptures relevant and exciting for your kids.
2) How to Teach Children to Follow Instructions
All parents want cooperation but many find it difficult to teach. Most parents give instructions over a hundred times a day. In this session you will examine the Instruction Routine in your home. Replace whining, arguing, and yelling routines with a five-step approach that teaches cooperation and responsibility to children for the long-term. Giving instruction will never be the same.
I will be doing the same breakout sessions both in the morning and afternoon!
Here is some more detail on the conference itself. And be sure to check out the video link above!!
"Don’t miss this one-day Awana Ministry conference where you will experience the inspiration of One More through a powerful keynote message, explore practical workshops relevant to your Awana ministry, and engage and share ideas with other Awana leaders in your area. Whether you’re a Puggles leader, a T&T director, a Journey volunteer or a pastor, you will learn valuable principles and “how-to” ideas for your particular ministry as you share the hope of the gospel with One More. "
To register for the conference, click HERE!
Can't wait to see you there!
A Wednesday funny....
I don't really talk about politics on my blog very much, if at all, and I am really not getting into anything right now. However, given the much debate over raising the "debt ceiling" got Greg and I talking the other night.
I don't know anyone who hasn't been impacted in some way during this recession...some even call it a depression. If you watch the news at all, it will leave you even more depressed about the economy than you were before.
I can't exactly remember now what we had been watching, but it had a gloom and doom message...you know the type. There aren't really any facts behind what they are saying, just making a lot of presumptions, but they want you to believe that what they are saying is true. It had a lot to do with people losing jobs, the economy tanking even more and the Dow going to pot. And if this happens, then this will happen...blah, blah, blah.
I remember looking at Greg, half joking, saying this, "you know, we should just go live out in the middle of nowhere and live off the land. Then we wouldn't have to worry about all this stuff".
Greg replied, "so, you want to become Amish, live off the land and ride in a buggy?"
Me: "Yeah, well, except for not living without electricity. And I would want air conditioning. I would still want to wear make-up and be able to style my hair. Hmmm...I don't guess I want to be Amish, huh?" (LOL)
I don't guess we will be making THAT move anytime soon......oh, well.
I'm sure those closest to me are having a hard time imagining me as a pioneer woman, anyway....ME, TOO!!!!!
I don't know anyone who hasn't been impacted in some way during this recession...some even call it a depression. If you watch the news at all, it will leave you even more depressed about the economy than you were before.
I can't exactly remember now what we had been watching, but it had a gloom and doom message...you know the type. There aren't really any facts behind what they are saying, just making a lot of presumptions, but they want you to believe that what they are saying is true. It had a lot to do with people losing jobs, the economy tanking even more and the Dow going to pot. And if this happens, then this will happen...blah, blah, blah.
I remember looking at Greg, half joking, saying this, "you know, we should just go live out in the middle of nowhere and live off the land. Then we wouldn't have to worry about all this stuff".
Greg replied, "so, you want to become Amish, live off the land and ride in a buggy?"
Me: "Yeah, well, except for not living without electricity. And I would want air conditioning. I would still want to wear make-up and be able to style my hair. Hmmm...I don't guess I want to be Amish, huh?" (LOL)
I don't guess we will be making THAT move anytime soon......oh, well.
I'm sure those closest to me are having a hard time imagining me as a pioneer woman, anyway....ME, TOO!!!!!
Taking the time to be thankful.....
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16
So most of you know I am a mom to two boys. One is five and one is two. I have one starting Kindergarten, and the other is in the midst of those wonderful, terrible, terrific twos....and me, well, I'm exhausted most of the time. LOL.
To say that I am incredibly blessed is an understatement. Yeah, it took a lot to get both of them here, but it was worth all the tears, fears and anxieties of getting pregnant again, wondering if it was going to stick, and then, after realizing it was, was everything going to be okay?? I was of "advanced maternal age" you know...LOL. Gotta love that term.
But in the end I have two, healthy, beautiful boys. They are both unique in their own ways. Their personalities couldn't be more different. But seeing them together, even when they are fighting, makes every tear, anxiety and fear well worth it.
I don't have all the answers for all the pain we have to go through when it's difficult conceiving and carrying children. Some of you can't even identify with that because you had an easy time having your baby. But, I am sure if we didn't experience it ourselves, we have friends and loved ones who have gone through heartbreak at attempting to make a family. Some of you may never have been able to have children. You may have adopted or found other ways to meet that maternal need.
For those of us with children it doesn't take us long after the baby arrives at how much work goes into raising children. Oh, my. We actually have to raise them. And we find out to do it well, means really hard work. Sacrifice. Selflessness. And sometimes, continued heartbreak.
Maybe some of you have special needs children. A diagnosis that you didn't want to hear. A disease that will most likely take your child's life. Or maybe a test that states because of their disability, they will never be able to function on their own in society. What do you do with that? What do you do when you deliver a baby only to find out that there were too many chromosomes and the dreams and wishes you had for that baby are shattered?
Where ever you are today, in whatever circumstance, you can know that God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you a mom. Whether you birthed the children, adopted, or are mentoring other kids. God placed you in that specific role for a specific purpose. No matter how bad you think you are at it. No matter how overwhelmed you feel. No matter how exhausted you are at this moment. You can know that God is carrying you and your children.
Look at the above verses in Psalm 139. If God spent that much time and thought into creating your children, do you think he would give them to someone he knows can't handle it? God doesn't make mistakes. You are the one that is supposed to be raising these children. He didn't mess up. You are going to learn so much. You are going to surrender so much. And hopefully, you will grow to see that apart from Christ, you can't do it. But through Him you can do all things!
That's the beauty. He gives you what is on your plate, all you can handle, no more or no less, and uses it for his glory. And he is using whatever difficulties you may be going through to draw you closer to HIM. He also uses the successes. The small victories to keep you going. Pushing forward when all you want to do is give up. He is saying, "push on. Lean on me. I am enough".
Like I said, I am very blessed. And I very convicted at how much I complain about being a parent, about my kids, and how "over it" I am some days when I am blessed so much. My children are healthy. They have met their developmental milestones. I think it is safe to say we have passed the time to where they would be diagnosed with autism. Neither one of them are in school, so I don't know if they will have a difficult time or what they are going to be good at, but I know, at this point, we can most likely handle what ever comes our way.
It's so easy to be selfish. To put myself above my kids needs and need for attention. It occurred to me the other night as I was rocking Griffin back to sleep after he, very unusually, awoke in the middle of the night, how much I am really going to miss these times. The times where he sits on my lap, he starts humming the song I sing to him when we rock. His sweet, chubby fingers. How tiny they still are.
Then there is Carter, my big boy. He's so smart. He amazes me with his questions. And those big, beautiful hazel eyes that he got from me. The way that he tests the limits to make sure that I am going to follow through. The way that he tells us to stop tickling him.....then says, "do it again".
I just wanted to stop today and treasure my children. I am so not the perfect parent. I can be reactive. I can yell. I can let things go by that I probably need to address.
But I hope, in the end, what my kids know above anything else is how much I love them and how thankful I am to be their mommy.
Crafty momma, I am not!
I am not one to really get into arts and crafts. And with my first son, he could have cared LESS about doing anything artsy or crafty. I guess I figured he was a boy and would be so into that kind of stuff.
Well, then Griffin came along. The boy loves arts and crafts. I mean, Carter and Griffin could not be more different, in so many ways, and this is one of them. Griffin actually asks me to "dwaw". He wants to color (Carter HATED to color), Griffin colors with markers, he scribbles with a pen. I can actually keep him occupied with a piece of paper and a pen, whereas Carter would have still been running around the room. Anyway, I digress.
My friend, Blakely sent me a link to a blog that had this BLOG listed with a very cool activity kit for the summer. I got to looking more closely at this blog and noticed that this was one, very creative woman. I am amazed at the creativity of some people and the ideas they come up with, especially when it involves children. She has some really easy, fun and unique ideas.
I didn't seem too overwhelmed by her ideas (I'm really interested now in attempting to get me and the boys to make our own butter...I'll let you know how it goes) and I wanted to be sure and pass this activity kit onto you guys!!! Be sure and check her out!!!!!!! If I can do it, anyone can do it!
CLICK HERE to download activity kit
Let the fun begin!!!!
Where has this item been all my life...
I don't know about you, but toddlers and juice boxes just don't go together. There is usually juice squeezed out somewhere, sticky fingers...just a mess. How I would love to give a juice box to Griffin, our two year old, and not have to worry about a mess.
Well, I happened to be in Babies R Us yesterday and saw this product and the first thing I thought of was, "why didn't I think of that"??????????
It's called Dwink and it's a plastic box that holds just about any kind of juice drink, whether it be in a box or a pouch. I tried it out on Griffin today and it was amazing!
I have no idea when this product was made, but I do know it was created by a mom, cause it says so on their website. When I started reading her reasons for creating such a product, it was for exactly the same reason I would have created it. To create less mess!!!
She doesn't guarantee all your juice messes will be cleared up but it sure does make handing that box over to a little one a little less stressful.
Ahhh......why couldn't I have thought of that.
Well, I happened to be in Babies R Us yesterday and saw this product and the first thing I thought of was, "why didn't I think of that"??????????
It's called Dwink and it's a plastic box that holds just about any kind of juice drink, whether it be in a box or a pouch. I tried it out on Griffin today and it was amazing!
I have no idea when this product was made, but I do know it was created by a mom, cause it says so on their website. When I started reading her reasons for creating such a product, it was for exactly the same reason I would have created it. To create less mess!!!
She doesn't guarantee all your juice messes will be cleared up but it sure does make handing that box over to a little one a little less stressful.
Ahhh......why couldn't I have thought of that.
Priorities!
Have you ever ignored your body and your soul so much that it has to virtually attack you to get your attention? Mine has.
I can clearly remember the fall of 2006. I had returned to work as a school counselor and I was struggling with whether or not I was to stay home with our son who had been born that January. I felt the call to ministry but really didn't know what that looked like. But, in the back of my mind, I knew what I needed to do, I just wasn't doing it.
Then, came the most stressful few weeks of my life. I mean, one thing after another, mostly professional. It was like I kept getting hit with something over and over. Bam, bam bam. Then I would recover. Then, bam, hit again.
It wasn't until I woke up one morning, during this time, covered in hives and was not able to go into work and had some down time that I realized that I was stressed out, my body had had enough and it was telling me so, and if I wasn't going to take care of me, it would have to take care of me on it's own. And it did. I went to the doctor and got a shot and within a few days I was better, but it was a wake up call for me. I knew the Lord used those hives to get my attention. To slow down and to listen to Him. To follow Him and to trust Him.
Fast forward to now...several years later, add another kid, a private practice, a ministry and I find myself once again dealing with a lot and have been quite overwhelmed with it all. Some days I am working two to three days a week. I have a mentally challenging job. It can be really exhausting. Traveling back and forth from Nashville to Hendersonville. Making sure meals and child care are covered.
I am also a wife and a mom, raising two, you and very active boys. Plus, I am responsible for childcare arrangement for my boys, fixing meals, cleaning, laundry. Taking care of myself, my husband, the kids and the cat.
I have a ministry that I am called to, many things to do in that ministry but I seem so overwhelmed with everything to do that I am frozen by it all.
So, what do you get when you have too much on your plate? Well, I don't know about you but I get a good case of anxiety! I am doing what I need to do to take care of it, but this morning it came to my attention that there were some things I needed to take action on, if I didn't, they weren't ever going to get done. My body, once again, would revolt on me, and this time, I think it was going to be bigger than a bad breakout of hives! Something had to give.
So, I sat down and made a list and got to work. I worked on the things I could work on and let the other things go. I prayed a lot. I cried out to Jesus, a lot. And, it is just the beginning, but it is a start.
It's amazing as Christians how easy it is to forget that you really don't have to carry that burden around. But we do it anyway. It is so easy to forget that we are a child of the King...I'm a Princess! Loved unconditionally. An heir to the throne. I am a child of God. He is in me and I in Him and nothing can separate me from His love. But man, the devil sure tries everything he can to convince me otherwise.
And this time, well, he just isn't going to win.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm,then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery. Galatians 5:1
I can clearly remember the fall of 2006. I had returned to work as a school counselor and I was struggling with whether or not I was to stay home with our son who had been born that January. I felt the call to ministry but really didn't know what that looked like. But, in the back of my mind, I knew what I needed to do, I just wasn't doing it.
Then, came the most stressful few weeks of my life. I mean, one thing after another, mostly professional. It was like I kept getting hit with something over and over. Bam, bam bam. Then I would recover. Then, bam, hit again.
It wasn't until I woke up one morning, during this time, covered in hives and was not able to go into work and had some down time that I realized that I was stressed out, my body had had enough and it was telling me so, and if I wasn't going to take care of me, it would have to take care of me on it's own. And it did. I went to the doctor and got a shot and within a few days I was better, but it was a wake up call for me. I knew the Lord used those hives to get my attention. To slow down and to listen to Him. To follow Him and to trust Him.
Fast forward to now...several years later, add another kid, a private practice, a ministry and I find myself once again dealing with a lot and have been quite overwhelmed with it all. Some days I am working two to three days a week. I have a mentally challenging job. It can be really exhausting. Traveling back and forth from Nashville to Hendersonville. Making sure meals and child care are covered.
I am also a wife and a mom, raising two, you and very active boys. Plus, I am responsible for childcare arrangement for my boys, fixing meals, cleaning, laundry. Taking care of myself, my husband, the kids and the cat.
I have a ministry that I am called to, many things to do in that ministry but I seem so overwhelmed with everything to do that I am frozen by it all.
So, what do you get when you have too much on your plate? Well, I don't know about you but I get a good case of anxiety! I am doing what I need to do to take care of it, but this morning it came to my attention that there were some things I needed to take action on, if I didn't, they weren't ever going to get done. My body, once again, would revolt on me, and this time, I think it was going to be bigger than a bad breakout of hives! Something had to give.
So, I sat down and made a list and got to work. I worked on the things I could work on and let the other things go. I prayed a lot. I cried out to Jesus, a lot. And, it is just the beginning, but it is a start.
It's amazing as Christians how easy it is to forget that you really don't have to carry that burden around. But we do it anyway. It is so easy to forget that we are a child of the King...I'm a Princess! Loved unconditionally. An heir to the throne. I am a child of God. He is in me and I in Him and nothing can separate me from His love. But man, the devil sure tries everything he can to convince me otherwise.
And this time, well, he just isn't going to win.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm,then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Perfect Kids.
Do you ever wish you had perfect kids? It usually happens right around the time your kids are NOT being perfect. At least for me it is. Carter had his Preschool graduation program last Thursday and he was really, really tired. When Carter gets tired he gets really hyper. He did not take an afternoon nap and by the time we went out to dinner before the program, I knew we were in for a treat. Ha!
The more tired, nervous, anxious, whatever, it seems Carter gets very….well, busy…. antsy…. active. *sigh* I could tell he was nervous, too, which also makes him hyper. His preschool teacher was wonderful. He was bouncing off the walls and jumping and all she said was, “well, I’m nervous, too”. I went to sit down in the auditorium and just really wanted to break down in tears.
If I listened to previous teachers, or even to my parents, then I would have to believe that Carter has a problem. And who knows, he might, maybe he is “over-active”. But, my pediatrician tells me he’s just fine. Mrs. Mary, his preschool teacher this year (a god-send!) put it this way, “He just acts like he’s five…”.
I get tired of the busyness. I get tired of the busyness at the wrong times. But I also see him being appropriate most of the time and at important times. He can focus. He is just extremely active. He is very, very busy. Apparently, they grow out of it, or so I have been told.
So what do you do with all the well-doers who come along critiquing your parenting techniques? Talking about what they would do if they had your child for six weeks and how they would shape them up? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I didn’t respond so well, either. Anybody else out there have someone from the previous generation that thinks children are supposed to be seen and not heard, still? I guess they haven’t gotten the memo that we actually let them be kids now and teach them how to behave as they grow. Four and five year olds are supposed to be busy and not sit still for forty-five minutes and when THAT generation did it, it was out of fear for their life; I would rather my child not grow up that way.
Okay. Vent over.
I think I tend to put a lot of pressure on Carter and I put a lot of pressure on myself as a parent. I also think I have a lot pride. And, my pediatrician also told me that Carter was given to me to humble me. Yep. Gee, thanks. But, it’s true. I’ve worked with kids for over 10 years now and even though I work with adults, too, working with families is my passion. So, my pediatrician said the same thing happened to her. She had a daughter who humbled her, a doctor, who specialized in treating children. We are given these strong-willed, stubborn little masses to humble us. To let us know we do not know it all. And for me, that I need to get on my knees and cry out to the only ONE who can supply me with what I need to be the best parent I can be!
Carter ended up doing fine in his program. He didn’t do anything more or less humorous or embarrassing than any of the other kids up on the stage that night. Although, he was extremely interested in the white lining to his dress pants pockets. :-)
The more tired, nervous, anxious, whatever, it seems Carter gets very….well, busy…. antsy…. active. *sigh* I could tell he was nervous, too, which also makes him hyper. His preschool teacher was wonderful. He was bouncing off the walls and jumping and all she said was, “well, I’m nervous, too”. I went to sit down in the auditorium and just really wanted to break down in tears.
If I listened to previous teachers, or even to my parents, then I would have to believe that Carter has a problem. And who knows, he might, maybe he is “over-active”. But, my pediatrician tells me he’s just fine. Mrs. Mary, his preschool teacher this year (a god-send!) put it this way, “He just acts like he’s five…”.
I get tired of the busyness. I get tired of the busyness at the wrong times. But I also see him being appropriate most of the time and at important times. He can focus. He is just extremely active. He is very, very busy. Apparently, they grow out of it, or so I have been told.
So what do you do with all the well-doers who come along critiquing your parenting techniques? Talking about what they would do if they had your child for six weeks and how they would shape them up? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I didn’t respond so well, either. Anybody else out there have someone from the previous generation that thinks children are supposed to be seen and not heard, still? I guess they haven’t gotten the memo that we actually let them be kids now and teach them how to behave as they grow. Four and five year olds are supposed to be busy and not sit still for forty-five minutes and when THAT generation did it, it was out of fear for their life; I would rather my child not grow up that way.
Okay. Vent over.
I think I tend to put a lot of pressure on Carter and I put a lot of pressure on myself as a parent. I also think I have a lot pride. And, my pediatrician also told me that Carter was given to me to humble me. Yep. Gee, thanks. But, it’s true. I’ve worked with kids for over 10 years now and even though I work with adults, too, working with families is my passion. So, my pediatrician said the same thing happened to her. She had a daughter who humbled her, a doctor, who specialized in treating children. We are given these strong-willed, stubborn little masses to humble us. To let us know we do not know it all. And for me, that I need to get on my knees and cry out to the only ONE who can supply me with what I need to be the best parent I can be!
Carter ended up doing fine in his program. He didn’t do anything more or less humorous or embarrassing than any of the other kids up on the stage that night. Although, he was extremely interested in the white lining to his dress pants pockets. :-)
Secret to a happy marriage when you have kids...
Greg and I are headed out of town this weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary. It will be our eighth anniversary on May 10th. The grandparents are keeping the kids. We got a great deal on a two night stay, it has been paid for for months. We get free breakfast while we are there, plus a $50.00 resort credit (I Love Living Social deals!!)
Now, before you get too jealous I want to talk about how you, too, can get away with your spouse. I hear excuses all the time that we don't have the money to go out, or for a sitter, and certainly don't have the money to go on a weekend getaway.
Believe me, we are on a tight budget, but with livingsocials.com, we were able to get a really good deal. We gave this to each other for Christmas so it was paid for over four months ago. We are VERY fortunate to have grandparents who are willing and able to take the kids overnight. I know not everyone has that. But we all have friends and I am a big proponent of utilizing friends who also have children so you can have free childcare.
Obviously, things happen, and that can always be a deterrent to ever trying to get away without the kids. Griffin woke up today with a severe allergic reaction to his antibiotic he has been on for several days. I didn't know for sure, so I took him to the ped to make sure he wasn't contagious (our trip would then be cancelled and you would have had one, sad mommy!) Thankfully, it will clear up in a few days.
My personal philosophy and other therapists, pastors, counselors, etc. will tell you the same thing, that a marriage has to be tended to when you have children. You must carve out time for each other to reconnect and build intimacy. Greg and I have made a pact that this weekend is about us and we will do everything we can to remind each other if we happen to get off track (by talking about the kids non-stop. Yes, they are cute and we will miss them, but I want to be able to hold a conversation with my husband at dinner AFTER they are grown. If we don't cultivate that now, we won't know who each other is when we have an empty nest.)
I hear it time and time again, that we can't go out on date night and we can't get away. The truth is, you can, you are just choosing not to, Where there is a will there is a way.
There are countless free things to do for date night, you can even have a date night at home once the kids go to bed. You can trade off babysitting with others so that other couples can get a night out now and then too.
I understand that getting away for an overnight trip may seem challenging, however, with proper planning and support, it can be done. If nothing else, have friends or family members keep your kids overnight so you can have a break and give your spouse some undivided attention!!!
I hope you have a great mother's day weekend! I sure am!!!! :) :)
Now, before you get too jealous I want to talk about how you, too, can get away with your spouse. I hear excuses all the time that we don't have the money to go out, or for a sitter, and certainly don't have the money to go on a weekend getaway.
Believe me, we are on a tight budget, but with livingsocials.com, we were able to get a really good deal. We gave this to each other for Christmas so it was paid for over four months ago. We are VERY fortunate to have grandparents who are willing and able to take the kids overnight. I know not everyone has that. But we all have friends and I am a big proponent of utilizing friends who also have children so you can have free childcare.
Obviously, things happen, and that can always be a deterrent to ever trying to get away without the kids. Griffin woke up today with a severe allergic reaction to his antibiotic he has been on for several days. I didn't know for sure, so I took him to the ped to make sure he wasn't contagious (our trip would then be cancelled and you would have had one, sad mommy!) Thankfully, it will clear up in a few days.
My personal philosophy and other therapists, pastors, counselors, etc. will tell you the same thing, that a marriage has to be tended to when you have children. You must carve out time for each other to reconnect and build intimacy. Greg and I have made a pact that this weekend is about us and we will do everything we can to remind each other if we happen to get off track (by talking about the kids non-stop. Yes, they are cute and we will miss them, but I want to be able to hold a conversation with my husband at dinner AFTER they are grown. If we don't cultivate that now, we won't know who each other is when we have an empty nest.)
I hear it time and time again, that we can't go out on date night and we can't get away. The truth is, you can, you are just choosing not to, Where there is a will there is a way.
There are countless free things to do for date night, you can even have a date night at home once the kids go to bed. You can trade off babysitting with others so that other couples can get a night out now and then too.
I understand that getting away for an overnight trip may seem challenging, however, with proper planning and support, it can be done. If nothing else, have friends or family members keep your kids overnight so you can have a break and give your spouse some undivided attention!!!
I hope you have a great mother's day weekend! I sure am!!!! :) :)
Awesome weekend at LHBC- Gallatin
Just wanted to post a few pictures from the women's event I have the privilege of being at Saturday. The women of Gallatin are very sweet!!! They went above and beyond in making sure I had everything I needed!! I led two sessions over the same material. It was the first time presenting that material, but I know that God had a special message to a few of those ladies. I could see it on their face.
I am truly blessed to be able to do this. Whether there are 4 people or 400!!!! I LOVE being in the middle of what God has called me to do!!!!
Who do you believe????
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear....I John 4:18
This verse is so simple and so basic. And so easy to believe, right? I have talked to many women on the subject of fear in the christian walk. I have personally struggled with the stronghold of fear and anxiety in my life. I was quite surprised how much we women worry! I mean, I guess isolation is also part of Satan's plan (duh!) because here I thought I must be the only one.
I didn't realize that so many of us choose to believe a lie over the truth.
I wish that I could write a glowing story of my faith in Christ during the deepest crisis of belief that I went through. I wish I could be like other women who I have heard speak tell of how during their deepest, darkest times they turned to Christ faithfully during their time of need, trusting him fully.
Yeah, I really wish I could say that. But I can't. I chose to believe a lie. I chose fear over love.
I am thankful for friends who loved me, who prayed for me and friends who walked with me through that dark valley. I am thankful that I came through to the other side, repentant and surrendered and free.
But man, I wish I had a better story to tell. It is very humbling to have to say out loud that you believed a lie. Faith and fear really cannot coexist. And for over a year, I thought they could.
The minute I chose Christ, however, the lie was obliterated. And the thing is, He was there the whole time, waiting, lovingly, patiently and mericfully, for me to return to Him; to not believe a lie. And he accepted me with open arms, with no condemnation.
You see, it wasn't as if I had really "forsaken" God. I mean, i was still in church, went to bible study, attempted to pray and read the bible. I allowed Satan to convince me that I had every right to feel the way I did. I was still playing along in the game. This is where I think he has a lot of strong, Christian women. Women caught up in fear of things that we think should be okay. We are still okay.
But you either believe a lie or you believe the truth. For me, I thought I was okay and that my relationship with Christ was okay. He understood where I was. And He did, but what I did was reject His love. I rejected truth. All the while I didn't trust God with my pain and hurt. It really wasn't about the fear, the lie. It was about fearing God. For me, I thought it was about my pain and hurt and how I couldn't really trust God.
See, you can replace whatever it is you are held in fear about and hold it up to the light and say out loud....what I am really saying, Lord, is that I fear you. Yes, you heard me right. You are holding onto something that isn't yours anyway. I feared that my children and my husband's safety was in constant danger. Irrational? Yes. Did I believe it. Yes. Did I want to? Not really, but because I had put my faith in Christ and was a believer in him, Satan had to do whatever he could to immobilize me. Make me useless. And he used my concept of God, my perception of Him, to do that. Even though I said I feared death, what i was really saying was, "God, I fear what you are going to do to me". I chose a lie.
So what do you believe about God?
Our concept of God shapes how much we trust him. Because when we worry and fret and have anxiety and fears over something that god has control over (which is everything, by the way), it's like we are saying He isn't enough. He is too small. He is limited. He is somehow bound by our human limits.
The God of the universe. The creator of the heavens and the earth. The giver of LIFE itself. I mean, think about it for a minute. The more you dwell on God and hang out with him and His beauty and majesty, His righteousness and justice and His mercy and grace the more you are compelled to believe Him. the more you remember the Lord your God and Who He is, the great I AM. You trust those very hands that have given you life.
I kind of felt like Job, near the end of his story, and how the Lord prompted Job to show Him who the creator was, who held everything in His hands. who else out there is able to do this...please, Job, show him to me. "will the one who contends with the almighty correct him?" the Lord asks Job in Job 40:2
Job's response in chapter 42 is my response to the Lord, even this day. Every day.
"I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted....surely, I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know....therefore, I repent. Job 42:2-6. Job wasn't repenting for committing secret sins. He was repenting for questioning God's sovereignty and justice. He repented for his attitude toward God. Then the Lord restored Job above and beyond what he had before.
Why would God do that? Because he is GOD. We have humanized our God so much that we have made him very small, bound, and limited. God did this for Job (and me and you) because he LOVES you. Because He loves me. And NOTHING can separate me from that love. Even my unbelief and unfaithfulness. He forgives. He heals. He is perfect love. The only way we are able to love him is through Him loving us. The very capacity to love is from him. Do we believe that? Or do we believe a lie?
It's your choice. I hope by sharing my story someone can avoid the regrets of believing a lie.
Choose the truth. Choose Christ. Choose love. He is right there. He has never left your side. His arms are open wide. He is holy. He is just. His love is perfect, whole, trustworthy and pure. And He would love nothing more than to heal your hurts and ease your pain. Whatever your story.
"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in FULL ASSURANCE of faith.” Hebrews 10:21-22 (emphasis mine)
This verse is so simple and so basic. And so easy to believe, right? I have talked to many women on the subject of fear in the christian walk. I have personally struggled with the stronghold of fear and anxiety in my life. I was quite surprised how much we women worry! I mean, I guess isolation is also part of Satan's plan (duh!) because here I thought I must be the only one.
I didn't realize that so many of us choose to believe a lie over the truth.
I wish that I could write a glowing story of my faith in Christ during the deepest crisis of belief that I went through. I wish I could be like other women who I have heard speak tell of how during their deepest, darkest times they turned to Christ faithfully during their time of need, trusting him fully.
Yeah, I really wish I could say that. But I can't. I chose to believe a lie. I chose fear over love.
I am thankful for friends who loved me, who prayed for me and friends who walked with me through that dark valley. I am thankful that I came through to the other side, repentant and surrendered and free.
But man, I wish I had a better story to tell. It is very humbling to have to say out loud that you believed a lie. Faith and fear really cannot coexist. And for over a year, I thought they could.
The minute I chose Christ, however, the lie was obliterated. And the thing is, He was there the whole time, waiting, lovingly, patiently and mericfully, for me to return to Him; to not believe a lie. And he accepted me with open arms, with no condemnation.
You see, it wasn't as if I had really "forsaken" God. I mean, i was still in church, went to bible study, attempted to pray and read the bible. I allowed Satan to convince me that I had every right to feel the way I did. I was still playing along in the game. This is where I think he has a lot of strong, Christian women. Women caught up in fear of things that we think should be okay. We are still okay.
But you either believe a lie or you believe the truth. For me, I thought I was okay and that my relationship with Christ was okay. He understood where I was. And He did, but what I did was reject His love. I rejected truth. All the while I didn't trust God with my pain and hurt. It really wasn't about the fear, the lie. It was about fearing God. For me, I thought it was about my pain and hurt and how I couldn't really trust God.
See, you can replace whatever it is you are held in fear about and hold it up to the light and say out loud....what I am really saying, Lord, is that I fear you. Yes, you heard me right. You are holding onto something that isn't yours anyway. I feared that my children and my husband's safety was in constant danger. Irrational? Yes. Did I believe it. Yes. Did I want to? Not really, but because I had put my faith in Christ and was a believer in him, Satan had to do whatever he could to immobilize me. Make me useless. And he used my concept of God, my perception of Him, to do that. Even though I said I feared death, what i was really saying was, "God, I fear what you are going to do to me". I chose a lie.
So what do you believe about God?
Our concept of God shapes how much we trust him. Because when we worry and fret and have anxiety and fears over something that god has control over (which is everything, by the way), it's like we are saying He isn't enough. He is too small. He is limited. He is somehow bound by our human limits.
The God of the universe. The creator of the heavens and the earth. The giver of LIFE itself. I mean, think about it for a minute. The more you dwell on God and hang out with him and His beauty and majesty, His righteousness and justice and His mercy and grace the more you are compelled to believe Him. the more you remember the Lord your God and Who He is, the great I AM. You trust those very hands that have given you life.
I kind of felt like Job, near the end of his story, and how the Lord prompted Job to show Him who the creator was, who held everything in His hands. who else out there is able to do this...please, Job, show him to me. "will the one who contends with the almighty correct him?" the Lord asks Job in Job 40:2
Job's response in chapter 42 is my response to the Lord, even this day. Every day.
"I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted....surely, I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know....therefore, I repent. Job 42:2-6. Job wasn't repenting for committing secret sins. He was repenting for questioning God's sovereignty and justice. He repented for his attitude toward God. Then the Lord restored Job above and beyond what he had before.
Why would God do that? Because he is GOD. We have humanized our God so much that we have made him very small, bound, and limited. God did this for Job (and me and you) because he LOVES you. Because He loves me. And NOTHING can separate me from that love. Even my unbelief and unfaithfulness. He forgives. He heals. He is perfect love. The only way we are able to love him is through Him loving us. The very capacity to love is from him. Do we believe that? Or do we believe a lie?
It's your choice. I hope by sharing my story someone can avoid the regrets of believing a lie.
Choose the truth. Choose Christ. Choose love. He is right there. He has never left your side. His arms are open wide. He is holy. He is just. His love is perfect, whole, trustworthy and pure. And He would love nothing more than to heal your hurts and ease your pain. Whatever your story.
"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in FULL ASSURANCE of faith.” Hebrews 10:21-22 (emphasis mine)
Why do we choose fear?
I'm working on my breakout session for next week (continued prayers, please). And I wanted to ask a question....I posted something on facebook a couple of weeks ago, more out of my own deep thoughts than a real question, but I got some surprising answers. I am really hoping that you can help add to the discussion.
My question, although rhetorical at the time, was this, "what if we allowed perfect love to drive out fear"
So, I am going to post this everywhere and hope that you read this and will leave a comment. I won't name any names, but would love to hear the following:
1) What are you afraid of? What binds you in fear?
2)what if we allowed God's perfect love to drive out that fear?
3)why don't we?
Blessings and many thanks for your participation!!!
Susan
My question, although rhetorical at the time, was this, "what if we allowed perfect love to drive out fear"
So, I am going to post this everywhere and hope that you read this and will leave a comment. I won't name any names, but would love to hear the following:
1) What are you afraid of? What binds you in fear?
2)what if we allowed God's perfect love to drive out that fear?
3)why don't we?
Blessings and many thanks for your participation!!!
Susan
Prayers please!!!
So many things are going on, and they are good things, but, it is easy to get swept up in the busyness of life and the one thing I want to focus on today while I have some free time is prepping for my session in a few weeks on fear and anxiety. So, if you are reading this before April 30th, go ahead and pray because that is when I am speaking. If you read this after April 30th...pray about it anyways because I am sure I need it. LOL! I am very excited because I have been writing and thinking and ideas have been popping into my head and i have been writing them down and now, now I just need to do get everything together so that this is actually a presentation. I'm probably not supposed to say that I don't have it done yet, but, this will be the first time presenting on this subject matter. It is so personal that I know it intimately. It is all inside me, I just had to research some things, pray and let God do the rest. So, it's time. My baby boy's birthday is this coming Saturday. He is going to be TWO! I can't believe it. My mom is coming in tomorrow and I am sure we will be running around, I am only working one day this week, thankfully, but still, that is a lot going on. Basically, this is my only day of solid hours to work on this presentation this week. We are less than three weeks away! So, I covet your prayers. Thanks!
Mark you calendars! April 30th!! Women's event!
I am honored to be speaking at the Long Hollow Baptist Church Gallatin Campus Women's event in a few weeks. This event cost only $10.00!!!!!! Julie Woodruff, Women's minister for Long Hollow Baptist will be leading out the conference and there will be several women leading break out sessions. You don't want to miss this! Lunch is included!!! Click HERE for more details!!!
Nashville Parent Baby Fair 2011
If I were having a baby I wouldn't want to miss this. I'm not pregnant and I still think I would love to go. In fact, even though I have no use for it, I entered to win the wonderful grand prize, which is a beautiful three piece nursery set! LOL! What can I say, I love babies. And even if I am not having any more babies, I know plenty of people who are. And I bet I would win "best shower gift ever" if I brought that furniture set to a friends shower. All kidding aside, here is a link to the baby fair. Hope you local folks can make it! This event is at Baptist Hospital, next Saturday, April 9th from 10am-3pm. It is sponsored by Baptist Hospital and Nashville Parent Magazine. Click here to learn about the FAIR.
A Message From My Heart.....
I wanted to write a very special blog post sharing my heart.
First, I want to start out by saying how humbled I am and amazed that God wants to use me. I mean, I know that is why we are here, to glorify and worship Him. He has gifted certain people with certain talents and we all have a choice in whether or not we are going to truly fulfill our purpose in Christ. I don't really understand the "why" but I know I am compelled to follow, surrender and accept the call on my life. I never really set out to have a speaking ministry, but that is where it has led, and I feel that the more I surrender, follow and obey, God is going to do amazing things through me, in His power, to accomplish His plan. I just want to be open to His calling. It's not easy surrendering and following. Sometimes I doubt, have fears, and disobey. Surprisingly, God still wants to use me.
Second, I really want to make it clear that I am not a perfect mom. Period. I struggle in certain areas. I lose my temper. Say things I wish I hadn't. I want do-overs with my children. I worry that I am not doing a good job. I struggle with balancing being firm yet grounded in love. I want to give my kids roots and wings. So, I want to make it clear that I am not an expert.
If you could see me on Sunday mornings trying to check in my kids for childcare at church, which often includes long lines attempting to hold on to a 2 year old and making sure the 5 year old doesn't run off or start acting out in front of everyone solidifying the fact that, I am indeed, less than, you would see clearly that I struggle. Usually this goes along with having a very hectic morning at home getting ready for church, trying not to run late but inevitably doing so. I am often frustrated, frazzled and grumpy as I walk into church to worship the Lord. More than once, I have had to go back to the check-in desk and apologize to the nice people who checked us in because I was rude. Really.
Being a mom humbles me EVERY day. I think that is just part of it. If I had a perfect marriage and kids then I don't really think I would have much of a message. I mean, I would simply say "do as I do and you, too, can have perfection". That's not going to happen.
Some of you have known me for a very long time. The thought might cross your mind, "Who do you think you are telling me how to be a mom, how to raise my kids"? Well, again, let me make it clear that I AM NOT doing that. I don't know how to be a great mom, or wife, for that matter. But in Christ, I am. And I believe it, because I have seen His work in me. It's not me, it's Him. And it leaves me humbled and amazed every day. That is what is so exciting about this. You can actually see Him at work in your life when you get out of the way.
As a wife and mother I struggle. I have shared some of those struggles on this blog. Most recently, being delivered from fear and anxiety following the birth of my last child. I still struggle with this. It is a daily process. I am sure there are others out there who struggle with depression, fear, insecurity, doubt....all of the above. The message that God has for you is that He is big enough to take everything you have ever gone through, all your shortcomings, your fears, hurts, pain and shape you into a beautiful image of Himself. And He uses these experiences as moms to do this.
There is a lot of pressure in today's world for moms. Some of us work. Some of us are single and we carry the load. Some are work at home moms and spend 24/7 with their kids. Some of us are overwhelmed. Some of us have broken marriages and disenchanted views of this life that we have and really wish we could go back to those carefree, single days, even though we prayed and prayed for this life. Now that we have it, sometimes we would just like to give it back.
This IS what I know. God has given me the opportunity to use my gifts and talents to bring Him honor and praise. He has a message to moms. And, apparently, He wants to use me to get that message across. Now, that may mean I speak to 20 people or 2,000. I don't know. I don't really care. I don't even care if you or the outside world see my ministry as a success. That's not what this is about. It's about obedience. Surrender. Knowing that what you are doing is not your own. Period. I am SURE, given the last five years of being a mom, that God has PLENTY more humbling experiences to keep me in line with His plan for me.
I am doing this because of the passion God has put in my heart for moms just like me. The imperfect mess. Because I know that through HIM I can do all things. His grace is all I need. His strength is made PERFECT in my weakness. Because God is able to do exceedingly above all that I ask or think.
That means He has it covered and instead of trying to do this on our own He is calling me and you to Himself. He has your back. He's got it covered. And there is so much that He wants to teach us and show us of His mighty power and strength that He blessed us with children to remind us how fallible we really are. And how BIG He is.I know I am not a perfect mom. But when I focus on Christ, surrender to Him, trust Him and allow Him to BE God in my life, then the pressure is OFF.
And that is what I want to share. That is the heart of every message. I want to be real. I want to be authentic. I don't have all the answers. But praise God, I serve the one who does. And His love casts out every fear, doubt, imperfection....the list can go on and on.
We don't have to be an expert. We don't have to have it all together. We don't have to be perfect. Because He is. And if you are a mom, that is your calling. It's no accident that we were blessed with these kids. Yes, even YOUR kid! Through this journey, God wants to teach us what He can do and accomplish through us. That means breaking us of our pride, the gods we place before Him (which sometimes, lets be honest, are our kids), and to prune, shape and mold us into His image through this journey.
I really hope you come along with me. I am so excited. I am so passionate. I am so....imperfect.
First, I want to start out by saying how humbled I am and amazed that God wants to use me. I mean, I know that is why we are here, to glorify and worship Him. He has gifted certain people with certain talents and we all have a choice in whether or not we are going to truly fulfill our purpose in Christ. I don't really understand the "why" but I know I am compelled to follow, surrender and accept the call on my life. I never really set out to have a speaking ministry, but that is where it has led, and I feel that the more I surrender, follow and obey, God is going to do amazing things through me, in His power, to accomplish His plan. I just want to be open to His calling. It's not easy surrendering and following. Sometimes I doubt, have fears, and disobey. Surprisingly, God still wants to use me.
Second, I really want to make it clear that I am not a perfect mom. Period. I struggle in certain areas. I lose my temper. Say things I wish I hadn't. I want do-overs with my children. I worry that I am not doing a good job. I struggle with balancing being firm yet grounded in love. I want to give my kids roots and wings. So, I want to make it clear that I am not an expert.
If you could see me on Sunday mornings trying to check in my kids for childcare at church, which often includes long lines attempting to hold on to a 2 year old and making sure the 5 year old doesn't run off or start acting out in front of everyone solidifying the fact that, I am indeed, less than, you would see clearly that I struggle. Usually this goes along with having a very hectic morning at home getting ready for church, trying not to run late but inevitably doing so. I am often frustrated, frazzled and grumpy as I walk into church to worship the Lord. More than once, I have had to go back to the check-in desk and apologize to the nice people who checked us in because I was rude. Really.
Being a mom humbles me EVERY day. I think that is just part of it. If I had a perfect marriage and kids then I don't really think I would have much of a message. I mean, I would simply say "do as I do and you, too, can have perfection". That's not going to happen.
Some of you have known me for a very long time. The thought might cross your mind, "Who do you think you are telling me how to be a mom, how to raise my kids"? Well, again, let me make it clear that I AM NOT doing that. I don't know how to be a great mom, or wife, for that matter. But in Christ, I am. And I believe it, because I have seen His work in me. It's not me, it's Him. And it leaves me humbled and amazed every day. That is what is so exciting about this. You can actually see Him at work in your life when you get out of the way.
As a wife and mother I struggle. I have shared some of those struggles on this blog. Most recently, being delivered from fear and anxiety following the birth of my last child. I still struggle with this. It is a daily process. I am sure there are others out there who struggle with depression, fear, insecurity, doubt....all of the above. The message that God has for you is that He is big enough to take everything you have ever gone through, all your shortcomings, your fears, hurts, pain and shape you into a beautiful image of Himself. And He uses these experiences as moms to do this.
There is a lot of pressure in today's world for moms. Some of us work. Some of us are single and we carry the load. Some are work at home moms and spend 24/7 with their kids. Some of us are overwhelmed. Some of us have broken marriages and disenchanted views of this life that we have and really wish we could go back to those carefree, single days, even though we prayed and prayed for this life. Now that we have it, sometimes we would just like to give it back.
This IS what I know. God has given me the opportunity to use my gifts and talents to bring Him honor and praise. He has a message to moms. And, apparently, He wants to use me to get that message across. Now, that may mean I speak to 20 people or 2,000. I don't know. I don't really care. I don't even care if you or the outside world see my ministry as a success. That's not what this is about. It's about obedience. Surrender. Knowing that what you are doing is not your own. Period. I am SURE, given the last five years of being a mom, that God has PLENTY more humbling experiences to keep me in line with His plan for me.
I am doing this because of the passion God has put in my heart for moms just like me. The imperfect mess. Because I know that through HIM I can do all things. His grace is all I need. His strength is made PERFECT in my weakness. Because God is able to do exceedingly above all that I ask or think.
That means He has it covered and instead of trying to do this on our own He is calling me and you to Himself. He has your back. He's got it covered. And there is so much that He wants to teach us and show us of His mighty power and strength that He blessed us with children to remind us how fallible we really are. And how BIG He is.I know I am not a perfect mom. But when I focus on Christ, surrender to Him, trust Him and allow Him to BE God in my life, then the pressure is OFF.
And that is what I want to share. That is the heart of every message. I want to be real. I want to be authentic. I don't have all the answers. But praise God, I serve the one who does. And His love casts out every fear, doubt, imperfection....the list can go on and on.
We don't have to be an expert. We don't have to have it all together. We don't have to be perfect. Because He is. And if you are a mom, that is your calling. It's no accident that we were blessed with these kids. Yes, even YOUR kid! Through this journey, God wants to teach us what He can do and accomplish through us. That means breaking us of our pride, the gods we place before Him (which sometimes, lets be honest, are our kids), and to prune, shape and mold us into His image through this journey.
I really hope you come along with me. I am so excited. I am so passionate. I am so....imperfect.
The Mom's To Do List
Next month I have the honor of speaking at my church's women's event at one of our satellite campuses. I am very excited as I will be speaking for the very first time under the Reflections of a Mom ministry!!! I will be speaking on anxiety and fear...two things I know just a little bit about, unfortunately. I am so thankful that God is able to deliver us from anything! I am thankful for the journey that grief took me on and the ride with post-partum depression. That sounds crazy to say, but through that journey came a crisis of belief, and once again, I came face to face with all of my doubt and mistrust of my savior. And once again, as always, God proved his love for me and the fact that he welcomes me with open arms. Of course on my end was repentence, surrender and a decision to believe that He is good.
It sounds horrible doesn't it, to say that you doubt the One who loves you unconditionally? But yeah, during that time I was angry with God. I allowed myself to be deceived into believing that He is not kind, loving and good. I allowed satan the foothold on my heart. It was a slow process, but it happened nonetheless. But I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that journey. I am glad I chose Christ. I am glad I choose Christ on a daily basis. I can trust Him. He does have my best interests at heart.
So, the next few blog posts you might be getting a glimpse into what I am going to be talking about in a few weeks...including some humor in there as well.
Because I have just a oh-so-few things on my plate and I can still struggle with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed at times, I decided to make out a to do list to help schedule my time better and to prioritize all the things that I needed to do in preparation for the launching of the Reflections of a Mom ministry and this upcoming speaking event.
What I got out of this was simply laughable. I am not going to share my to do list, but it quickly became this very long, excruciatingly painful to look at, list of things to get done in the next six weeks. Then I started adding things in there just to lighten my mood, because this list was not making me feel any better. You know, perfectly doable things like, " create peace in the middle east"....LOL! I actually did put "schedule exercise weekly and DO daily". Yeah, I'm thinking peace in the middle east may actually happen before that one gets checked off the list.
I'm not a very organized person (although I have fooled many people into thinking that I am, I don't know how, but they have told me that I am organized), anyway, I love making lists. I have always loved scheduling things, writing lists, planning out how I am going to do things, etc. Then, I never do them. When I was younger I would spend weeks planning a diet that I was going to go on. I would research what eating plan I should go on, what kind of diet. Then I would write out my meal plans, figure out what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat it. Then the day came to go on the diet. Unfortunately, all that planning was for naught. I usually never made it past the first couple of days. But man, I came up with some really GOOD diets. I probably had a book's worth. Oh, well, I digress.
Now that I am actually married, a busy mom, working part time, attempting to start a new ministry, making lists actually calms me down. Checking things off my list, I believe, actually releases seratonin in my body. Really. The anxiety goes out the window. All I have to do is make a list and check a few things off and I feel much better.
I guess that is why making this list didn't do too much for me because everything that I have to do seems very daunting. I should be having a panic attack about now. Except, I rely on the truth of God's word. If I dedicate my day and time to the Lord, and follow what He has called me to do, and do what I need to do on my end; work just a little bit at being better organized, everything on that list will get done in time AND it will work out exactly how it is supposed to work out.
And, hopefully, there won't be too many sleepless nights between now and April 30th!
It sounds horrible doesn't it, to say that you doubt the One who loves you unconditionally? But yeah, during that time I was angry with God. I allowed myself to be deceived into believing that He is not kind, loving and good. I allowed satan the foothold on my heart. It was a slow process, but it happened nonetheless. But I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that journey. I am glad I chose Christ. I am glad I choose Christ on a daily basis. I can trust Him. He does have my best interests at heart.
So, the next few blog posts you might be getting a glimpse into what I am going to be talking about in a few weeks...including some humor in there as well.
Because I have just a oh-so-few things on my plate and I can still struggle with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed at times, I decided to make out a to do list to help schedule my time better and to prioritize all the things that I needed to do in preparation for the launching of the Reflections of a Mom ministry and this upcoming speaking event.
What I got out of this was simply laughable. I am not going to share my to do list, but it quickly became this very long, excruciatingly painful to look at, list of things to get done in the next six weeks. Then I started adding things in there just to lighten my mood, because this list was not making me feel any better. You know, perfectly doable things like, " create peace in the middle east"....LOL! I actually did put "schedule exercise weekly and DO daily". Yeah, I'm thinking peace in the middle east may actually happen before that one gets checked off the list.
I'm not a very organized person (although I have fooled many people into thinking that I am, I don't know how, but they have told me that I am organized), anyway, I love making lists. I have always loved scheduling things, writing lists, planning out how I am going to do things, etc. Then, I never do them. When I was younger I would spend weeks planning a diet that I was going to go on. I would research what eating plan I should go on, what kind of diet. Then I would write out my meal plans, figure out what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat it. Then the day came to go on the diet. Unfortunately, all that planning was for naught. I usually never made it past the first couple of days. But man, I came up with some really GOOD diets. I probably had a book's worth. Oh, well, I digress.
Now that I am actually married, a busy mom, working part time, attempting to start a new ministry, making lists actually calms me down. Checking things off my list, I believe, actually releases seratonin in my body. Really. The anxiety goes out the window. All I have to do is make a list and check a few things off and I feel much better.
I guess that is why making this list didn't do too much for me because everything that I have to do seems very daunting. I should be having a panic attack about now. Except, I rely on the truth of God's word. If I dedicate my day and time to the Lord, and follow what He has called me to do, and do what I need to do on my end; work just a little bit at being better organized, everything on that list will get done in time AND it will work out exactly how it is supposed to work out.
And, hopefully, there won't be too many sleepless nights between now and April 30th!
rainy days and mondays always get me down....
....especially when a little one has an ear infection.
We could tell for the past couple of days that Griffin was not feeling himself, especially when he woke up in the mornings. Today was no exception and he was so not himself that I took him to the doctor first thing, even though he really had no other symptoms. He has tubes in his ears and we had a few, great months of "good ears" but it seems our good times have passed. He had an ear infection last month and I am thinking his symptoms are diminished because of the tubes, yet, who knows how long he has been suffering since the diagnosis last month, since this infection is in the same ear.
We take communication for granted don't we? Especially when we are on sensory overload with communication coming at us in every direction. As in the people we interact with on a daily basis, information on the computer, text messaging and voice mails. We are used to hearing everything we need to hear.
But with little ones who haven't learned how to talk yet, we have to rely on other forms of communication to tell if they are not feeling well. Their body language, fever, tears and fussiness, pulling at their ears. There are lots of ways our babies communicate with us even though it is not in verbal form. Because we know our little ones so well, we can usually identify the problem.
This morning the only symptom that Griffin had that he had an ear infection was his constant fussiness from the moment he woke up until it was time to take him to the doctor four hours later (yeah, we had a great morning!). LOL! I guess I started thinking about this while I was at the doctor's office because they were asking me how I could tell Griffin was sick, what were his symptoms, and it struck me when I told them and then added, "you know, you just never know what's going on because he can't tell me. That's why I decided to bring him in, just in case".
So what is the point to all this? This morning got me thinking about how thankful I am that I can hear God speak to me clearly, if I am willing to listen.
Over the past two weeks I have seen God move in amazing ways, in my life and in the life of my friends. We had a FABULOUS women's' conference at my church, Long Hollow Baptist Church a couple of weeks ago. One of the speakers, Margaret Feinberg, spoke on hearing God speak and how it is often, as the bible says, not in the wind, earthquake or fire, but a whisper (I Kings 19). God also uses other forms of communication to speak to us. He gives us His word, His spirit, which prompts and leads us where we should go. He gives us people, His church, life experiences and most of all, peace. Even when it doesn't make sense.
I have some friends that have been faced with tough decisions lately and tough dilemmas. We have been faced with some also. Waiting on God to follow his direction and leading, waiting for his wisdom and discernment. That's when our relationship with Christ gets real. Are we really going to trust Him in our circumstances, even when He is telling us to take a huge leap of faith? Can we trust Him in the smallest of circumstance or do we have to figure things out on our own, in our own time? And what is this peace in the midst of these crazy circumstances that is telling me, 'it's all going to work out'? Do we feel like we have to help Him along? It's almost laughable to even type that last sentence. Yet time and time again, we do just that, feebly "help" him along. God. The king of the universe. Creator. Provider. Beginning and the End.
I am very thankful for a Father who speaks to me clearly, in many different ways, in many different actions. The more I learn to trust Him, the more clearly I hear his voice, even the slightest whisper. I can trust that in my walk with Him, He will make my paths straight.
We could tell for the past couple of days that Griffin was not feeling himself, especially when he woke up in the mornings. Today was no exception and he was so not himself that I took him to the doctor first thing, even though he really had no other symptoms. He has tubes in his ears and we had a few, great months of "good ears" but it seems our good times have passed. He had an ear infection last month and I am thinking his symptoms are diminished because of the tubes, yet, who knows how long he has been suffering since the diagnosis last month, since this infection is in the same ear.
We take communication for granted don't we? Especially when we are on sensory overload with communication coming at us in every direction. As in the people we interact with on a daily basis, information on the computer, text messaging and voice mails. We are used to hearing everything we need to hear.
But with little ones who haven't learned how to talk yet, we have to rely on other forms of communication to tell if they are not feeling well. Their body language, fever, tears and fussiness, pulling at their ears. There are lots of ways our babies communicate with us even though it is not in verbal form. Because we know our little ones so well, we can usually identify the problem.
This morning the only symptom that Griffin had that he had an ear infection was his constant fussiness from the moment he woke up until it was time to take him to the doctor four hours later (yeah, we had a great morning!). LOL! I guess I started thinking about this while I was at the doctor's office because they were asking me how I could tell Griffin was sick, what were his symptoms, and it struck me when I told them and then added, "you know, you just never know what's going on because he can't tell me. That's why I decided to bring him in, just in case".
So what is the point to all this? This morning got me thinking about how thankful I am that I can hear God speak to me clearly, if I am willing to listen.
Over the past two weeks I have seen God move in amazing ways, in my life and in the life of my friends. We had a FABULOUS women's' conference at my church, Long Hollow Baptist Church a couple of weeks ago. One of the speakers, Margaret Feinberg, spoke on hearing God speak and how it is often, as the bible says, not in the wind, earthquake or fire, but a whisper (I Kings 19). God also uses other forms of communication to speak to us. He gives us His word, His spirit, which prompts and leads us where we should go. He gives us people, His church, life experiences and most of all, peace. Even when it doesn't make sense.
I have some friends that have been faced with tough decisions lately and tough dilemmas. We have been faced with some also. Waiting on God to follow his direction and leading, waiting for his wisdom and discernment. That's when our relationship with Christ gets real. Are we really going to trust Him in our circumstances, even when He is telling us to take a huge leap of faith? Can we trust Him in the smallest of circumstance or do we have to figure things out on our own, in our own time? And what is this peace in the midst of these crazy circumstances that is telling me, 'it's all going to work out'? Do we feel like we have to help Him along? It's almost laughable to even type that last sentence. Yet time and time again, we do just that, feebly "help" him along. God. The king of the universe. Creator. Provider. Beginning and the End.
I am very thankful for a Father who speaks to me clearly, in many different ways, in many different actions. The more I learn to trust Him, the more clearly I hear his voice, even the slightest whisper. I can trust that in my walk with Him, He will make my paths straight.
Sometimes you just need a little hope...
If there is anything that I have learned about being a parent, it's that there are definitely highs and lows to go along with it, just like with everything else. I just wish I could get used to the roller coaster and when I see us rounding another corner and going uphill that I could better mentally prepare myself for the fall.
It is really hard to describe the thoughts that go on in a mother's mind. If you are a mom, I am sure you know what I am talking about. Worrying that you are doing enough. Wondering if your child will be successful. As a therapist, I can add looking for every possible sign of some sort of developmental delay or autism spectrum to that list (knowledge is not only power, but it can also be dangerous! lol).
It really is silly how many times with think, "is he OK?" or "is that normal" and let's not leave out "does she have emotional issues?"
When things get difficult when raising our children, when they seem to be pushing against every thing we are trying to teach them, and boycotting the structure that they really do long for, it can be exhausting. I want to throw up my hands and say, I'm DONE!
Then, you get to see glimpses. I call them glimpses from God. Little signs that you are OK, your kid is OK. Everything is really going to turn out fine. Sometimes I see this in Carter's behavior. When Carter remembers to ask politely. When he says something really sweet to us or to Griffin. When he gets a concerned look on his face when I am upset or Griffin is upset. You can see the work coming out. The work that God is doing in their lives, and the hard work you have put forth to create a "normal" kid (whatever normal is). Often times, it is when I am remembering how to treat my children with love, patience and respect that I get it in return. You would think that I would remember that when I am having difficulty keeping my patience. That tone I hear in Carter's voice sounds somewhat similar to that tone in my voice...you know, the disrespectful one. Ouch.
With all the snow days we have been having, things have gotten strained some days in the Mayo household. I mean, there are just so many things you can do in your house without getting bored. So, we have had some trying times. Days when I thought all I was doing was disciplining. Days when I felt like a failure. Days when I wondered would we actually survive having TWO kids. It kind of makes me chuckle.
Then, the glimpse happened. I got to see the Lord working in my son's life this week. In an amazing way. Friday morning Carter was up in the bonus room and came and got me and told me he had made a word. We had gotten him some letter tiles for Christmas to practice reading sight words. We will make the words and have him read them to us. He likes creating words that often aren't words at all, but it helps him learn and is a lot of fun.
When I got to the bonus room and saw what he had made, which was actually a sentence, not a word, I almost cried. My heart melted. I was amazed.
This is what I saw:
I luf U Jesus
He created that all by himself. It truly humbled me to know that God is at work in my child's life. I know we take him to church and we pray and have an active Christian life, but it just rings clearer to me that children's hearts are truly the most easily molded. They are tender. They have faith. They have trust. Nothing, hopefully, has come into their lives yet that has made them think to challenge the values they are growing up with. I pray that Carter knows he is loved, and that Jesus loves him. I am thankful he loves Jesus back. And that He knows who God is, who created the earth, who is all powerful.
Imagine if we still looked at God that way. If we truly focused on His attributes instead of relying on our own strength and trusting in our own strength.
If we came to Him just like a little child? If our hearts were soft? Moldable. Moveable.
What kind of work could He truly do through each of us if we were this transparent in our love for Him?
I love Jesus. Jesus loves me. End of story.
It is really hard to describe the thoughts that go on in a mother's mind. If you are a mom, I am sure you know what I am talking about. Worrying that you are doing enough. Wondering if your child will be successful. As a therapist, I can add looking for every possible sign of some sort of developmental delay or autism spectrum to that list (knowledge is not only power, but it can also be dangerous! lol).
It really is silly how many times with think, "is he OK?" or "is that normal" and let's not leave out "does she have emotional issues?"
When things get difficult when raising our children, when they seem to be pushing against every thing we are trying to teach them, and boycotting the structure that they really do long for, it can be exhausting. I want to throw up my hands and say, I'm DONE!
Then, you get to see glimpses. I call them glimpses from God. Little signs that you are OK, your kid is OK. Everything is really going to turn out fine. Sometimes I see this in Carter's behavior. When Carter remembers to ask politely. When he says something really sweet to us or to Griffin. When he gets a concerned look on his face when I am upset or Griffin is upset. You can see the work coming out. The work that God is doing in their lives, and the hard work you have put forth to create a "normal" kid (whatever normal is). Often times, it is when I am remembering how to treat my children with love, patience and respect that I get it in return. You would think that I would remember that when I am having difficulty keeping my patience. That tone I hear in Carter's voice sounds somewhat similar to that tone in my voice...you know, the disrespectful one. Ouch.
I wish I was perfect. But I'm not. None of us are. We are going to lose patience. We are going to forget that great teaching point that we were trying to hit home with during a certain discipline time. We will probably flub up on the sex talk. We might even yell or lose our temper at our kids. And then we will see it reflected back to us and hopefully learn something from it. My favorite verse to think about on days like this is "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness!" 2 Corinthians 12:9 AMEN. The more I realize that I will never be perfect but I have the perfect Father who IS and who allows me to do all things through Him...including parenting my two kids. Well then, what else do I need?
With all the snow days we have been having, things have gotten strained some days in the Mayo household. I mean, there are just so many things you can do in your house without getting bored. So, we have had some trying times. Days when I thought all I was doing was disciplining. Days when I felt like a failure. Days when I wondered would we actually survive having TWO kids. It kind of makes me chuckle.
Then, the glimpse happened. I got to see the Lord working in my son's life this week. In an amazing way. Friday morning Carter was up in the bonus room and came and got me and told me he had made a word. We had gotten him some letter tiles for Christmas to practice reading sight words. We will make the words and have him read them to us. He likes creating words that often aren't words at all, but it helps him learn and is a lot of fun.
When I got to the bonus room and saw what he had made, which was actually a sentence, not a word, I almost cried. My heart melted. I was amazed.
This is what I saw:
I luf U Jesus
He created that all by himself. It truly humbled me to know that God is at work in my child's life. I know we take him to church and we pray and have an active Christian life, but it just rings clearer to me that children's hearts are truly the most easily molded. They are tender. They have faith. They have trust. Nothing, hopefully, has come into their lives yet that has made them think to challenge the values they are growing up with. I pray that Carter knows he is loved, and that Jesus loves him. I am thankful he loves Jesus back. And that He knows who God is, who created the earth, who is all powerful.
Imagine if we still looked at God that way. If we truly focused on His attributes instead of relying on our own strength and trusting in our own strength.
If we came to Him just like a little child? If our hearts were soft? Moldable. Moveable.
What kind of work could He truly do through each of us if we were this transparent in our love for Him?
I love Jesus. Jesus loves me. End of story.
Lost and Found....
You know, there are not many possessions in this world that I hold more dear than the ring that my husband placed on my fingers eight years ago, this past Christmas Eve, and asked me to become his wife. I had waited a LONG time to hear those words. My ring was beautiful and it truly was my most treasured possession.
Fast forward to seven years of marriage, two kids, a house and busy life and one active 20 month old helping mommy get ready for the day, like he does every day. Except this day is different. My wedding rings were on the bathroom counter. Griffin was in and out of the bathroom, into everything, like he is every day. I wasn't paying much attention. However, when I reached for my rings and saw that only my wedding band was there I panicked, but just a little. I take my rings off every night and I either place them on the kitchen island or the bathroom counter. They had gotten separated before and I had had that sinking feeling before that I had lost my ring. But, always found it.
So, I wasn't too panicked when my wedding ring was not with my band. After going through everything in the bathroom, including the sinks and drains, drawers, etc. I got a little panicked. We had to leave to go on a play date, but I wouldn't allow myself to feel the anxiety reaching up in my heart about my ring. I called my husband (who is ETERNALLY calm in these situations) and he reassured me he would look for it when he got home.
Well, he didn't find it either. We tore the entire house apart looking for that ring. It's gone. Little Griffin got it and we don't know what he did with it. We know it didn't go down any drains and we have shop-vacuumed all the vents. We have gone through everything in the bathroom, bedroom, closet, living room, dining room, guest bedroom, bonus room....you get the picture. We have gone through everything...twice.
We look at Griffin and say, "what did you do with mommy's ring?" and he just laughs. Because he doesn't know. He has no idea what he did. And I really can't hold it against that beautiful, sweet baby. He has no clue that he broke his momma's heart by his actions. He was just being a toddler, wanting to taste, see and explore anything he could.
I was really okay for about a week. Then I decided to call our home owners insurance to see if they covered such a loss. It turns out that since we didn't have it listed separately on our policy, they were not going to cover the loss. That was a really bad day. Actually, that is an understatement. I have not cried like that, well, since I had miscarriages. I mean, it was bad.
To know that you have lost something and it might not ever be found is one thing. Then to find out that you can't even get reimbursed for the valuable possession that was lost, in order to replace it, is just heartbreaking.
In all of this, I struggled with how I was supposed to feel. I mean, it's just a ring. Aren't there more important things to be concerned with? Poverty? World hunger? I had people tell me that this loss was just as important to the Lord as it was to me. I was told different ways to pray for the return of the ring. To "name it and claim it". To ask the Lord to show me where my ring was.
And it's not that I don't believe those methods work. I just felt like if I was supposed to find the ring, we would find it. However, I really didn't allow God to love me and tend to me like I should have. This loss was important to Him because I am important to Him. But, it was like I wanted to just hold all my pain and fear and anxiety inside and just keep it with me. And I was sad. I was really sad and heartbroken. I struggled with being heartbroken over something that doesn't last anyway.
I could really tell that I was getting depressed over this. And that upset me too. What I realized was that I was getting depressed because I wasn't allowing God to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. It's okay to be sad over this loss. It isn't trivial. That ring was special. It was a symbol of our love and even though our love lives beyond a ring, it was treasured. Had I poured out my heart to God regarding my pain over this? Nope. I just wanted it all for myself and it was really starting to affect my day to day life. And not in a good way.
So yesterday, I decided to lay it all down. The mish mash of feelings. The multitude of anxieties (Psalm 94:19), the exhaustion of everything seemingly to not be going our way (the economy the past two years has greatly effected my husband's business). Losing the ring on top of that just reinforced the negative feelings that God is not for us and that we are under this dark cloud. I am really tired of the dark cloud. I am ready for sunshine. But those are lies. God is for us. And I knew that.
This is a trial. Just like everything else, I can either choose to grow through this or get stunted in my growth. I was choosing to be stunted.
Yesterday, even though I know Truth. I know Peace. Even though Jesus really should be the first One I run to, it took three weeks for me to lay it down. I read this scripture:
You (God) keep him in perfect peace the one who has his (and her) mind set on him. Because h/she trusts in God. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the ROCK eternal. Isaiah 26:3-4
Yeah. The Lord is the ROCK eternal. So even though this circumstance hasn't turned out the way I would like it to, I haven't found my "rock", my wedding ring, I have Him. And he's given me some pretty cool promises of things to come. And I do claim them. But even if there were no promises, He would be enough. I wouldn't trade His peace for any precious stone here on earth.
I think of this in parenting too. The daily struggle (I'm not the only one who struggles am I?) The doubts, the fears, is my kid going to turn out okay? Do I know what I am doing? What if?
What if my mind is just set on HIM? Hmmmm....perfect peace. Okay. I will take that. The Rock has it covered. Wow. How many other burdens am I carrying that He would love to lift off of me, if I would only allow Him? I may not find my ring, but I found, once again, that perfect peace casts out all fear.
Okay, I sooooo wouldn't turn down finding my ring, either. That will truly be a very, happy day. But for now, God's peace that He has given me is enough. And it's what I will turn to from now on when I am feeling sad about this loss. About my job as a parent, a wife and mother. My responsibilities. My dreams and my desires. Everything.
They are all laying at the foot of the cross.
Fast forward to seven years of marriage, two kids, a house and busy life and one active 20 month old helping mommy get ready for the day, like he does every day. Except this day is different. My wedding rings were on the bathroom counter. Griffin was in and out of the bathroom, into everything, like he is every day. I wasn't paying much attention. However, when I reached for my rings and saw that only my wedding band was there I panicked, but just a little. I take my rings off every night and I either place them on the kitchen island or the bathroom counter. They had gotten separated before and I had had that sinking feeling before that I had lost my ring. But, always found it.
So, I wasn't too panicked when my wedding ring was not with my band. After going through everything in the bathroom, including the sinks and drains, drawers, etc. I got a little panicked. We had to leave to go on a play date, but I wouldn't allow myself to feel the anxiety reaching up in my heart about my ring. I called my husband (who is ETERNALLY calm in these situations) and he reassured me he would look for it when he got home.
Well, he didn't find it either. We tore the entire house apart looking for that ring. It's gone. Little Griffin got it and we don't know what he did with it. We know it didn't go down any drains and we have shop-vacuumed all the vents. We have gone through everything in the bathroom, bedroom, closet, living room, dining room, guest bedroom, bonus room....you get the picture. We have gone through everything...twice.
We look at Griffin and say, "what did you do with mommy's ring?" and he just laughs. Because he doesn't know. He has no idea what he did. And I really can't hold it against that beautiful, sweet baby. He has no clue that he broke his momma's heart by his actions. He was just being a toddler, wanting to taste, see and explore anything he could.
I was really okay for about a week. Then I decided to call our home owners insurance to see if they covered such a loss. It turns out that since we didn't have it listed separately on our policy, they were not going to cover the loss. That was a really bad day. Actually, that is an understatement. I have not cried like that, well, since I had miscarriages. I mean, it was bad.
To know that you have lost something and it might not ever be found is one thing. Then to find out that you can't even get reimbursed for the valuable possession that was lost, in order to replace it, is just heartbreaking.
In all of this, I struggled with how I was supposed to feel. I mean, it's just a ring. Aren't there more important things to be concerned with? Poverty? World hunger? I had people tell me that this loss was just as important to the Lord as it was to me. I was told different ways to pray for the return of the ring. To "name it and claim it". To ask the Lord to show me where my ring was.
And it's not that I don't believe those methods work. I just felt like if I was supposed to find the ring, we would find it. However, I really didn't allow God to love me and tend to me like I should have. This loss was important to Him because I am important to Him. But, it was like I wanted to just hold all my pain and fear and anxiety inside and just keep it with me. And I was sad. I was really sad and heartbroken. I struggled with being heartbroken over something that doesn't last anyway.
I could really tell that I was getting depressed over this. And that upset me too. What I realized was that I was getting depressed because I wasn't allowing God to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. It's okay to be sad over this loss. It isn't trivial. That ring was special. It was a symbol of our love and even though our love lives beyond a ring, it was treasured. Had I poured out my heart to God regarding my pain over this? Nope. I just wanted it all for myself and it was really starting to affect my day to day life. And not in a good way.
So yesterday, I decided to lay it all down. The mish mash of feelings. The multitude of anxieties (Psalm 94:19), the exhaustion of everything seemingly to not be going our way (the economy the past two years has greatly effected my husband's business). Losing the ring on top of that just reinforced the negative feelings that God is not for us and that we are under this dark cloud. I am really tired of the dark cloud. I am ready for sunshine. But those are lies. God is for us. And I knew that.
This is a trial. Just like everything else, I can either choose to grow through this or get stunted in my growth. I was choosing to be stunted.
Yesterday, even though I know Truth. I know Peace. Even though Jesus really should be the first One I run to, it took three weeks for me to lay it down. I read this scripture:
You (God) keep him in perfect peace the one who has his (and her) mind set on him. Because h/she trusts in God. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the ROCK eternal. Isaiah 26:3-4
Yeah. The Lord is the ROCK eternal. So even though this circumstance hasn't turned out the way I would like it to, I haven't found my "rock", my wedding ring, I have Him. And he's given me some pretty cool promises of things to come. And I do claim them. But even if there were no promises, He would be enough. I wouldn't trade His peace for any precious stone here on earth.
I think of this in parenting too. The daily struggle (I'm not the only one who struggles am I?) The doubts, the fears, is my kid going to turn out okay? Do I know what I am doing? What if?
What if my mind is just set on HIM? Hmmmm....perfect peace. Okay. I will take that. The Rock has it covered. Wow. How many other burdens am I carrying that He would love to lift off of me, if I would only allow Him? I may not find my ring, but I found, once again, that perfect peace casts out all fear.
Okay, I sooooo wouldn't turn down finding my ring, either. That will truly be a very, happy day. But for now, God's peace that He has given me is enough. And it's what I will turn to from now on when I am feeling sad about this loss. About my job as a parent, a wife and mother. My responsibilities. My dreams and my desires. Everything.
They are all laying at the foot of the cross.
Happy New Year
I am very excited to be sitting at Panera for the first time in a really long time and have the time to write, research and think. Sometimes I think I think too much, well, in fact I know I do. But I also know all of this thinking produces work, research and writing. So, therein lies the rub.
I am very excited to start working on the official launch of Reflections of a Mom ministry. Hopefully, by February, I will have a clearer picture of what that will look like. I can show you a a sneak peak into my new website. I am very excited about this. It is a work in progress, so if you see something that needs to change let me know.
Click HERE to take a look at my new website!
I am currently working on four different topics that I can present to moms, in all stages of life. However, since I am in the preschool years, right now, I have a lot of good stuff for moms just starting out and those in the throws of the first years of parenting. Just like me.
Intellectually, I can tell you about and help you with your teenager, but in truth, I have never parented a teenager. However, I do know the ONE who gives the ultimate in parenting advice, Jesus, and guess what? He never parented a teenager either. And he never parented, period. But, is He not the perfect picture of a parent and how he loves us, and that in turn helps us love our children.
If nothing else, it brings us to our knees. Something that has become increasingly clear to me the past few months. Nobody has all the answers to the deepest parenting fear, however, I can surrender to Christ and His authority in my life and become the PERFECT parent in HIM. For I am complete in Him. My identity is in Him and I have been given fullness in Christ (Colossians 2:10). That, to me, brings peace to my heart in knowing that even with my education and training, I don't have to depend on that to parent my children.
I don't have all the answers and I never will (praise God!). I can completely trust in Christ. Even when I fail and mess up, knowing that He has covered me and protected my children, in spite of myself.
Happy New Year! May God pour out His truth, power, strength to you as moms. He lavishes His love on us. Give Him your life, your fears, doubts and worries.
You can do ALL things through Christ!!!!!!!!!!!
I am very excited to start working on the official launch of Reflections of a Mom ministry. Hopefully, by February, I will have a clearer picture of what that will look like. I can show you a a sneak peak into my new website. I am very excited about this. It is a work in progress, so if you see something that needs to change let me know.
Click HERE to take a look at my new website!
I am currently working on four different topics that I can present to moms, in all stages of life. However, since I am in the preschool years, right now, I have a lot of good stuff for moms just starting out and those in the throws of the first years of parenting. Just like me.
Intellectually, I can tell you about and help you with your teenager, but in truth, I have never parented a teenager. However, I do know the ONE who gives the ultimate in parenting advice, Jesus, and guess what? He never parented a teenager either. And he never parented, period. But, is He not the perfect picture of a parent and how he loves us, and that in turn helps us love our children.
If nothing else, it brings us to our knees. Something that has become increasingly clear to me the past few months. Nobody has all the answers to the deepest parenting fear, however, I can surrender to Christ and His authority in my life and become the PERFECT parent in HIM. For I am complete in Him. My identity is in Him and I have been given fullness in Christ (Colossians 2:10). That, to me, brings peace to my heart in knowing that even with my education and training, I don't have to depend on that to parent my children.
I don't have all the answers and I never will (praise God!). I can completely trust in Christ. Even when I fail and mess up, knowing that He has covered me and protected my children, in spite of myself.
Happy New Year! May God pour out His truth, power, strength to you as moms. He lavishes His love on us. Give Him your life, your fears, doubts and worries.
You can do ALL things through Christ!!!!!!!!!!!
guilty mom
I had to re-post this from my blog in 2007. It was written when Carter was 2, and in a mother's day out program, but the message is timeless. And, hopefully, still funny. And if you are a mom out there dealing with all the mother guilt...lay it down! Just lay it down!! :) :)
What makes a good mom?
Something has been bugging me since Christmas and it was brought to my attention today, so here I go, getting it off my chest.
My son is in a Mother's Day Out program called Weekday school. It is great, for many reasons, but the most important reason is that it gives me time away from my child and to myself, which I think is very healthy and needed. Not every mom feels that way and that is fine. For me personally, Weekday school is my salvation. 1o hours is not enough time, roughly 5 hours each Tuesday and Thursday, but it is enough.
One of the things that I have been dealing with is mom guilt. I am the sole person responsible for this. No one is making me feel guilty. It is something I do to myself.
It started this Christmas at Weekday school. Of course I brought Carter's teachers gifts for caring for my son, it was the least that I could do. They do a great job and they love my son. Enough said.
Well, the mother guilt started creeping in when Carter's teacher mentioned they were having a Christmas party and inviting me to attend. She actually called me at home because she forgot to mention it the last time he was at school. Hmmm....do I go, do I not go. I really, truly did not want to go. I had five hours to get a lot of stuff done. I didn't have to bring anything to the party, she just wanted me to know that they were having it.
Thursday rolls around and she mentions, again that they were having the party that day. Well, I told her sheepishly, that if I got everything done in time I would try to come join the party. Inside I was thinking they are having this party at 11:30, smack dab in the middle of the day and it would kill any chance of me getting anything accomplished.
Well, I didn't go. I felt a little twinge of guilt, but really was fine with it. Until I picked up Carter from school. Apparently, some of the other mom's and grandmother's brought gifts to ALL the kids in the class. I let out a sigh. Did Carter bring any presents for anyone......Nope. Except for his teacher.
I left thinking, you know they really need to pass out Weekday school etiquette.
I am a person that needs things spelled out to her. Just let me know the expectation and I can get it done.
Well, fortunately, not all the mom's brought gifts. So, I felt a little vindicated. Whew. You know, this is a mother's day out program. It is supposed to be bringing me LESS stress. Not all this stuff I have to be thinking of ahead of time.
Well, fast forward to last week. It was Carter's birthday. Did I bake cupcakes and bring them to weekday school, like some of the other moms, so Carter could have a party? No. Did I know that was the norm. NOOOOOO....
So, again, the mother guilt was laid upon me. Did I need to feel guilty. NO. But it is hard when other kid's mom's bring stuff in and you are the mom that doesn't.
Carter's teacher told me she baked some cookies for Carter and was it okay for them to have them. Of course, it was fine. (guilt, guilt, guilt)
So, just when I am getting over that mother lode, I get hit with it again today.
Apparently, Valentines Day is coming up. Carter's teacher and another teacher started talking about Valentines Day when a grandmother brought something in for the party.
Party? What party.
Carter's teacher: "Oh, we're going to have a Valentines party."
My sigh must have been overheard around the world.
Carter's teacher: "ohoohh...we'll have the kids bring in Valentines".
Me: "Okay, is that really necessary? He's two, he isn't going to remember this is Valentines Day, it's too much".
(oops, did I really say that?) I was being really nice but inside I was thinking all this is going to do is add something else to my list of things to do, which is why I have my child in Weekday school so that I have time to do the things I need to do and all this is doing is adding to that never ending list.....
The other grandmother piped up and said that is why she brought the Valentine straws in today. She's done, she did her task, etc. Well, I said I could bring in play-doh, as we had a lot left over from Carter's party.
There, that isn't so bad.
Well, then the poor teacher said she would buy the Valentines herself.
Guilt, guilt guilt.....
Me: No, you don't have to do that. Just let me know what I need to bring to the party.
Finally she said the party was really for her. She enjoys it so much that she loves putting them together.
Then they started talking about Easter. Carter's teacher looks at me and says, "Are we getting to far ahead of you, Susan?"
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, then I have to start thinking about what kind of mom am I?
I didn't get married till I was 34 and I had Carter at 37. The dream of getting married and actually having kids was kind of in the back of my mind. I had time to be pretty independent. I even kept working for a while after Carter was born. I work now, I just don't get paid for it. I wear a lot of hats. Guilt is a hat I would rather not have to wear and worry about. So, I am not like a lot of mom's that dreamed of doing all this stuff with their kids. And does that really make a great mom, bringing cup cakes to a party?
No. Some mom's never get the opportunity to do those things for their kids and maybe they want to. Maybe they are single and have to work and miss out on all the parties at school, never being able to be the class mom.
Me, I have the opportunity, but think at this stage it is just too early to get started with all this stuff. I mean, when Carter gets in school, REAL school, of course I want to bring cupcakes for his birthday party and we will fill out Valentines before his Valentine party....in Elementary school when he knows what Valentines day is.
To me, being a great mom is meeting my child's need (and wants, sometimes). Nurturing him, tickling him, spending time playing with him. Loving him.
I think if I asked anyone if they thought my kid was loved and well-rounded, nice to be around and happy I think I would hear a resounding YES!!!!!!!
He is considered a blessing.
And just because I don't want to make cupcakes and take them to his weekday school program when he is oblivious that it is even his birthday, doesn't make me a bad mom.
It makes me a mom who is prioritizing what she has to do in a day and what is really important and what really matters. Carter had two birthday parties. One was really big. He didn't miss out on celebrating his birthday.
Maybe one day I will be able to deal with the guilt. But I somehow think there are going to be other things to feel guilty about, just in different circumstances.
I just need to accept the fact that I am not perfect, won't be the perfect mom, and to just love my child and focus on him and not worry about what other people think.
Because that is the bottom line. I am worried about how other people perceive me, that is really what I feel bad about. Not meeting everyone elses expectation of what a mom should look like.
Okay. I feel better now.
What makes a good mom?
Something has been bugging me since Christmas and it was brought to my attention today, so here I go, getting it off my chest.
My son is in a Mother's Day Out program called Weekday school. It is great, for many reasons, but the most important reason is that it gives me time away from my child and to myself, which I think is very healthy and needed. Not every mom feels that way and that is fine. For me personally, Weekday school is my salvation. 1o hours is not enough time, roughly 5 hours each Tuesday and Thursday, but it is enough.
One of the things that I have been dealing with is mom guilt. I am the sole person responsible for this. No one is making me feel guilty. It is something I do to myself.
It started this Christmas at Weekday school. Of course I brought Carter's teachers gifts for caring for my son, it was the least that I could do. They do a great job and they love my son. Enough said.
Well, the mother guilt started creeping in when Carter's teacher mentioned they were having a Christmas party and inviting me to attend. She actually called me at home because she forgot to mention it the last time he was at school. Hmmm....do I go, do I not go. I really, truly did not want to go. I had five hours to get a lot of stuff done. I didn't have to bring anything to the party, she just wanted me to know that they were having it.
Thursday rolls around and she mentions, again that they were having the party that day. Well, I told her sheepishly, that if I got everything done in time I would try to come join the party. Inside I was thinking they are having this party at 11:30, smack dab in the middle of the day and it would kill any chance of me getting anything accomplished.
Well, I didn't go. I felt a little twinge of guilt, but really was fine with it. Until I picked up Carter from school. Apparently, some of the other mom's and grandmother's brought gifts to ALL the kids in the class. I let out a sigh. Did Carter bring any presents for anyone......Nope. Except for his teacher.
I left thinking, you know they really need to pass out Weekday school etiquette.
"Whenever there is a party thou shalt bring gifts to everyone...you know, something like that."
I am a person that needs things spelled out to her. Just let me know the expectation and I can get it done.
Well, fortunately, not all the mom's brought gifts. So, I felt a little vindicated. Whew. You know, this is a mother's day out program. It is supposed to be bringing me LESS stress. Not all this stuff I have to be thinking of ahead of time.
Well, fast forward to last week. It was Carter's birthday. Did I bake cupcakes and bring them to weekday school, like some of the other moms, so Carter could have a party? No. Did I know that was the norm. NOOOOOO....
So, again, the mother guilt was laid upon me. Did I need to feel guilty. NO. But it is hard when other kid's mom's bring stuff in and you are the mom that doesn't.
Carter's teacher told me she baked some cookies for Carter and was it okay for them to have them. Of course, it was fine. (guilt, guilt, guilt)
So, just when I am getting over that mother lode, I get hit with it again today.
Apparently, Valentines Day is coming up. Carter's teacher and another teacher started talking about Valentines Day when a grandmother brought something in for the party.
Party? What party.
Carter's teacher: "Oh, we're going to have a Valentines party."
My sigh must have been overheard around the world.
Carter's teacher: "ohoohh...we'll have the kids bring in Valentines".
Me: "Okay, is that really necessary? He's two, he isn't going to remember this is Valentines Day, it's too much".
(oops, did I really say that?) I was being really nice but inside I was thinking all this is going to do is add something else to my list of things to do, which is why I have my child in Weekday school so that I have time to do the things I need to do and all this is doing is adding to that never ending list.....
The other grandmother piped up and said that is why she brought the Valentine straws in today. She's done, she did her task, etc. Well, I said I could bring in play-doh, as we had a lot left over from Carter's party.
There, that isn't so bad.
Well, then the poor teacher said she would buy the Valentines herself.
Guilt, guilt guilt.....
Me: No, you don't have to do that. Just let me know what I need to bring to the party.
Finally she said the party was really for her. She enjoys it so much that she loves putting them together.
Then they started talking about Easter. Carter's teacher looks at me and says, "Are we getting to far ahead of you, Susan?"
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, then I have to start thinking about what kind of mom am I?
I didn't get married till I was 34 and I had Carter at 37. The dream of getting married and actually having kids was kind of in the back of my mind. I had time to be pretty independent. I even kept working for a while after Carter was born. I work now, I just don't get paid for it. I wear a lot of hats. Guilt is a hat I would rather not have to wear and worry about. So, I am not like a lot of mom's that dreamed of doing all this stuff with their kids. And does that really make a great mom, bringing cup cakes to a party?
No. Some mom's never get the opportunity to do those things for their kids and maybe they want to. Maybe they are single and have to work and miss out on all the parties at school, never being able to be the class mom.
Me, I have the opportunity, but think at this stage it is just too early to get started with all this stuff. I mean, when Carter gets in school, REAL school, of course I want to bring cupcakes for his birthday party and we will fill out Valentines before his Valentine party....in Elementary school when he knows what Valentines day is.
To me, being a great mom is meeting my child's need (and wants, sometimes). Nurturing him, tickling him, spending time playing with him. Loving him.
I think if I asked anyone if they thought my kid was loved and well-rounded, nice to be around and happy I think I would hear a resounding YES!!!!!!!
He is considered a blessing.
And just because I don't want to make cupcakes and take them to his weekday school program when he is oblivious that it is even his birthday, doesn't make me a bad mom.
It makes me a mom who is prioritizing what she has to do in a day and what is really important and what really matters. Carter had two birthday parties. One was really big. He didn't miss out on celebrating his birthday.
Maybe one day I will be able to deal with the guilt. But I somehow think there are going to be other things to feel guilty about, just in different circumstances.
I just need to accept the fact that I am not perfect, won't be the perfect mom, and to just love my child and focus on him and not worry about what other people think.
Because that is the bottom line. I am worried about how other people perceive me, that is really what I feel bad about. Not meeting everyone elses expectation of what a mom should look like.
Okay. I feel better now.
To Santa or not to Santa....
Ugh. The season is upon us. The crazy, busy, relentless time of year when we have so many thing pulling us in many different directions and the most important, significant things--like, say the birth of Christ--is kept in the background.
I am all about keeping Christmas simple, however, the world around us makes it very difficult. And, unless you want to make your kids feel like they have been raised under a rock, I feel, we, to a certain degree, must choose to participate in the whirlwind ride that we now know as Christmas. I am mainly talking about the expectations like, gifts for people, going to open houses, Christmas parties galore and eating lots of food that is just not that good for us.
You know, I would really love to write some meaningful, significant prose about the true meaning of Christmas. The reason will celebrate. I would hope that by writing about it, it would turn our hearts back to Christ and the simplicity of the season. But the thing is there are lots of books out there that tell you to do that. You can read scripture and be reminded of the humble beginnings of our Lord and Savior. The reason for the season.
But for me, I realize that unless I have a heart change about the season, it's really not going to make anything different. It's not going to make the Christmas carol we sing in church become any more alive. Where is the awe and the wonder? The magic and hope?
In that same respect, taking all commercial aspects of Christmas out of my house will not make me worship the Savior any more than keeping them in will. It still has to do with the heart.
This leads me to something I have wanted to write about for a while. Hopefully, no one will take offense. I am not saying one view point is right and one is wrong (because it is a personal decision). I can't quote scripture or tell you how you should celebrate Christmas in your home. There are arguments on both sides of the issue.
However, that being said, I really don't understand why Santa gets such a bad rap? Taking Santa, or any other commercial aspect of this season, out of the picture is not really going to change my heart. I can be just as in love with Jesus and tell my boys about Santa and go take them to get their picture made with him every year (which I do). I don't worry that by telling them about Santa they are just going to remember me lying to them....and if I lie to them about this fable, then, what's keeping me from lying about something else? Like God's love.
Please. Let me tell you, I grew up in one of the most legalistic church environments ever. I mean, I had no idea that God's grace was sufficient, but I did know that if I sinned he was keeping track of those and holding them against me (which is not true, but it was my perception). And lots of things counted as sin, or "worldly", such as wearing pants, listening to secular music....even listening to certain CHRISTIAN music was taught against. So, I know a thing or two about legalism.
I don't remember what our church taught about Santa growing up? If there was an opinion given, I have no idea now what it was. I did have friends whose parents rejected any commercial aspect of Christmas and refused to celebrate it, including having a tree and if you had to get them a gift, please get them underwear. Heaven forbid you actually have fun thinking about your family and get something meaningful. That was just too "worldly". We were fundamentalists, we had standards to uphold. LOL!
In my house, we believed in Santa. I can remember our first Christmas in Tennessee, maybe the second. Family was visiting from Florida and my cousin and I were looking out the window on Christmas Eve looking for Santa and his reindeer. I remember the presents from Santa and baking the cookies and seeing if the cookies were gone Christmas morning. I remember the excitement. The wonder. The memories.
However, Santa always had his place and he was never the center of attention, Jesus was. We talked more about Jesus birth and the reason for the season than we ever did about Santa. Santa was part of the celebration, but he wasn't the main event. Jesus was. And that's all I want to be able to do for my children. I don't feel like I need to take Santa out of the picture to draw them closer to Jesus.
I have an almost five year old that is full of questions. Believe me, he wants to know why we celebrate Christmas. And we tell him. We tell him the true meaning. We share with him the Christmas story. We bake a cake for Jesus the week of Christmas. He knows the songs about Jesus in a manger and why Jesus came, which was because of His great love for US. So, I get excited when Carter talks about Jesus. Jesus is the primary focus of the season in our house. But until Carter asks Jesus into his heart, he is not going to get the true meaning of Christmas, of Christ's birth. And more importantly, why He came as He did, to be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins and to do what no other self-proclaimed savior has done....rise from the dead.
But I have to say that as we were decorating the Christmas tree the other day and night had fallen and Carter looked out the window and said, " I wonder if we can see Santa up in the sky" my heart melted. The excitement. The wonder. The belief in Santa. I loved it. It didn't break my heart because we had already been talking about Jesus. Those seeds have been planted and my prayer is that when the time is right, Carter will come to know Christ, preferably at a young age.
I don't remember when I stopped believing in Santa. It obviously wasn't that traumatic. I have never felt lied to or deceived by my parents for telling me about this fairy tale. It was fun. It had it's place. And it is magical.
I never, ever tell Carter that he better be good because Santa is watching. I don't ever use getting Christmas presents as a way to control my son's behavior. In fact, I cringe when parents do that. That is one aspect I don't agree with. Good behavior should be expected regardless of the season and it should be learned, not used as a bribe. I want my kid to learn self-control from the heart, not because Santa won't bring him any presents if he misbehaves.
The thing is, I respect my friends or people I know who choose not to make Santa part of their kids lives. I mean, who am I to tell you that you are overreacting? There is no right or wrong answer here. I guess the most important thing to remember in all of it is the HEART. Because no matter how holy you think you are making Christmas, if you just take away things and don't focus on the heart, then all you are doing is making a statement for the purpose of being different. And being different doesn't make you holy. Having a relationship with Jesus Christ makes you holy.
So, that's my feeling about Santa. I think he has his place. He is not the centerpiece. Having Santa in the celebration of Christmas doesn't make me any closer to the Lord, just as leaving him out doesn't bring me any closer to the Lord. The heart is the matter.
I am all about keeping Christmas simple, however, the world around us makes it very difficult. And, unless you want to make your kids feel like they have been raised under a rock, I feel, we, to a certain degree, must choose to participate in the whirlwind ride that we now know as Christmas. I am mainly talking about the expectations like, gifts for people, going to open houses, Christmas parties galore and eating lots of food that is just not that good for us.
You know, I would really love to write some meaningful, significant prose about the true meaning of Christmas. The reason will celebrate. I would hope that by writing about it, it would turn our hearts back to Christ and the simplicity of the season. But the thing is there are lots of books out there that tell you to do that. You can read scripture and be reminded of the humble beginnings of our Lord and Savior. The reason for the season.
But for me, I realize that unless I have a heart change about the season, it's really not going to make anything different. It's not going to make the Christmas carol we sing in church become any more alive. Where is the awe and the wonder? The magic and hope?
In that same respect, taking all commercial aspects of Christmas out of my house will not make me worship the Savior any more than keeping them in will. It still has to do with the heart.
This leads me to something I have wanted to write about for a while. Hopefully, no one will take offense. I am not saying one view point is right and one is wrong (because it is a personal decision). I can't quote scripture or tell you how you should celebrate Christmas in your home. There are arguments on both sides of the issue.
However, that being said, I really don't understand why Santa gets such a bad rap? Taking Santa, or any other commercial aspect of this season, out of the picture is not really going to change my heart. I can be just as in love with Jesus and tell my boys about Santa and go take them to get their picture made with him every year (which I do). I don't worry that by telling them about Santa they are just going to remember me lying to them....and if I lie to them about this fable, then, what's keeping me from lying about something else? Like God's love.
Please. Let me tell you, I grew up in one of the most legalistic church environments ever. I mean, I had no idea that God's grace was sufficient, but I did know that if I sinned he was keeping track of those and holding them against me (which is not true, but it was my perception). And lots of things counted as sin, or "worldly", such as wearing pants, listening to secular music....even listening to certain CHRISTIAN music was taught against. So, I know a thing or two about legalism.
I don't remember what our church taught about Santa growing up? If there was an opinion given, I have no idea now what it was. I did have friends whose parents rejected any commercial aspect of Christmas and refused to celebrate it, including having a tree and if you had to get them a gift, please get them underwear. Heaven forbid you actually have fun thinking about your family and get something meaningful. That was just too "worldly". We were fundamentalists, we had standards to uphold. LOL!
In my house, we believed in Santa. I can remember our first Christmas in Tennessee, maybe the second. Family was visiting from Florida and my cousin and I were looking out the window on Christmas Eve looking for Santa and his reindeer. I remember the presents from Santa and baking the cookies and seeing if the cookies were gone Christmas morning. I remember the excitement. The wonder. The memories.
However, Santa always had his place and he was never the center of attention, Jesus was. We talked more about Jesus birth and the reason for the season than we ever did about Santa. Santa was part of the celebration, but he wasn't the main event. Jesus was. And that's all I want to be able to do for my children. I don't feel like I need to take Santa out of the picture to draw them closer to Jesus.
I have an almost five year old that is full of questions. Believe me, he wants to know why we celebrate Christmas. And we tell him. We tell him the true meaning. We share with him the Christmas story. We bake a cake for Jesus the week of Christmas. He knows the songs about Jesus in a manger and why Jesus came, which was because of His great love for US. So, I get excited when Carter talks about Jesus. Jesus is the primary focus of the season in our house. But until Carter asks Jesus into his heart, he is not going to get the true meaning of Christmas, of Christ's birth. And more importantly, why He came as He did, to be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins and to do what no other self-proclaimed savior has done....rise from the dead.
But I have to say that as we were decorating the Christmas tree the other day and night had fallen and Carter looked out the window and said, " I wonder if we can see Santa up in the sky" my heart melted. The excitement. The wonder. The belief in Santa. I loved it. It didn't break my heart because we had already been talking about Jesus. Those seeds have been planted and my prayer is that when the time is right, Carter will come to know Christ, preferably at a young age.
I don't remember when I stopped believing in Santa. It obviously wasn't that traumatic. I have never felt lied to or deceived by my parents for telling me about this fairy tale. It was fun. It had it's place. And it is magical.
I never, ever tell Carter that he better be good because Santa is watching. I don't ever use getting Christmas presents as a way to control my son's behavior. In fact, I cringe when parents do that. That is one aspect I don't agree with. Good behavior should be expected regardless of the season and it should be learned, not used as a bribe. I want my kid to learn self-control from the heart, not because Santa won't bring him any presents if he misbehaves.
The thing is, I respect my friends or people I know who choose not to make Santa part of their kids lives. I mean, who am I to tell you that you are overreacting? There is no right or wrong answer here. I guess the most important thing to remember in all of it is the HEART. Because no matter how holy you think you are making Christmas, if you just take away things and don't focus on the heart, then all you are doing is making a statement for the purpose of being different. And being different doesn't make you holy. Having a relationship with Jesus Christ makes you holy.
So, that's my feeling about Santa. I think he has his place. He is not the centerpiece. Having Santa in the celebration of Christmas doesn't make me any closer to the Lord, just as leaving him out doesn't bring me any closer to the Lord. The heart is the matter.
Marriage Matters
Greg and I have the privilege of attending a marriage conference at our church last weekend. It was great. I always recommend to people to work on their marriage when it is GOOD (or even GREAT) to keep it that way. I know there were a lot of hurting people there and a lot of people with really good marriages that left with strengthened marriages.
It is a very sad statistic that marriages in churches now have the same statistic for divorce as those who are not in church. In this marriage conference we learned about complacency and how most couples fight and come to no resolution then coast along never resolving the deeper issues.
Steve and Debbie Wilson led the conference and here is a link to their website. They counsel couples when they are not on the road presenting their conference. They say they have had an increase in couples with "empty nest syndrome" and also a lot more elderly couples coming in thinking of ending their marriage. Can you imagine being married to someone for 50 years then divorcing?? It's a crazy notion, but it does happen.
I can understand the parents with an empty nest. A lot of times parents invest their lives in their children without nurturing their marriage. When the kids are gone they find they have nothing in common and no common bond that ties them together any longer. It doesn't surprise me to hear of couples divorcing after 20-30 years of marriage.
So why don't Christian couples work harder at keeping their marriages together?? Why don't we nurture them when they are good to make them even better? As difficult as it is to plow through hurts and miscommunication, the reward is overwhelmingly worth the pain, risk and heartache to work through it all.
I am thankful for a church that not only supports counseling (since I am a counselor) but also has ministries in place and are creating ministries to minister to families with the sole purpose of keeping them together. Just last month our church hosted their very first marriage intensive for couples whose marriages were at rock bottom. I have seen firsthand the difference that the marriage intensive has made in their lives.
If you have read anything I have written in the past you know I am passionate about couples keeping their love strong. You can't expect something to grow and flourish if you never tend to it and nurture it. Yet couples come up with so many excuses not to go on a date night. Money being the primary reason. But there are solutions to any obstacle keeping couples from investing time in their marriage.
Here are a few:
It is a very sad statistic that marriages in churches now have the same statistic for divorce as those who are not in church. In this marriage conference we learned about complacency and how most couples fight and come to no resolution then coast along never resolving the deeper issues.
Steve and Debbie Wilson led the conference and here is a link to their website. They counsel couples when they are not on the road presenting their conference. They say they have had an increase in couples with "empty nest syndrome" and also a lot more elderly couples coming in thinking of ending their marriage. Can you imagine being married to someone for 50 years then divorcing?? It's a crazy notion, but it does happen.
I can understand the parents with an empty nest. A lot of times parents invest their lives in their children without nurturing their marriage. When the kids are gone they find they have nothing in common and no common bond that ties them together any longer. It doesn't surprise me to hear of couples divorcing after 20-30 years of marriage.
So why don't Christian couples work harder at keeping their marriages together?? Why don't we nurture them when they are good to make them even better? As difficult as it is to plow through hurts and miscommunication, the reward is overwhelmingly worth the pain, risk and heartache to work through it all.
I am thankful for a church that not only supports counseling (since I am a counselor) but also has ministries in place and are creating ministries to minister to families with the sole purpose of keeping them together. Just last month our church hosted their very first marriage intensive for couples whose marriages were at rock bottom. I have seen firsthand the difference that the marriage intensive has made in their lives.
If you have read anything I have written in the past you know I am passionate about couples keeping their love strong. You can't expect something to grow and flourish if you never tend to it and nurture it. Yet couples come up with so many excuses not to go on a date night. Money being the primary reason. But there are solutions to any obstacle keeping couples from investing time in their marriage.
Here are a few:
- Get with another couple with kids similar in age to yours and share babysitting responsibilities. One weekend they keep your kids while you go out, the next you keep theirs...FREE.
- Find cheap or free things to do on a date. Yes, it would be nice to go to a nice dinner and a movie, but there is nothing wrong with heading to Taco Bell, then sitting in a book store or coffee shop the rest of the date just talking and sharing about each other's week.
- Take advantage of church's parent's night out. Even if you don't go to church there, you can still use their program. That's why they are doing it, for outreach.
- Last but not least. If you absolutely cannot leave the house, after you put the kids to bed have a romantic dinner at home or have a picnic on the living room floor. Set mood music and candles to change the environment.
I guess my point to this post is, we can't be great a mom or dad if our marriages are in shambles. It will affect our parenting. It will add stress and a sense of loneliness and despair. Instead of having a partner to help you raise your children and deal with the stressors of life, you have added stress because you chose not to invest in your marriage.
Not every marriage is perfect and you certainly can't control every aspect of your marriage or things that come up in marriage. However, everyone can nurture their marriage...if they just take the time!!
Book Sneeze
I am very excited to be accepted into this great book "club", if that's what you call it. See the Book Sneeze link to the right of the screen? They allow me to pick books....for FREE, read them (for FREE) and then I put a review here on my blog. Woo hoo!!! I'm in!!! I love to read.
It has been a really busy time and I have a lot of irons in the fire, but I am looking forward to learning more about this website and having some recreational reading.
If you are interested in joining, click HERE and see how you go about it. It's easy. You do need to have a blog to put the reviews in, but other than that, you're IN!!
It has been a really busy time and I have a lot of irons in the fire, but I am looking forward to learning more about this website and having some recreational reading.
If you are interested in joining, click HERE and see how you go about it. It's easy. You do need to have a blog to put the reviews in, but other than that, you're IN!!
Jantsen's Gift
Jantsen's Gift: A True Story of Grief, Rescue and Grace
Last Monday, I had the privilege of attending a local non-profit's fund-raising dinner. This is an organization that I have recently become contracted with in my counseling practice. They also have a very large adoption program.
The speaker that presented at the dinner was named Pam Cope and she has written a wonderful book entitled, Jantsen's Gift. In this book, Pam writes about a lot of tragic things, namely the sudden death of her 15 year old son several years ago. Through this tragic death, and God's hand, Pam now has been able to save, literally, hundreds of children across the world, including Vietnam, Cambodia and Africa.
I bought the book and had her sign it and eagerly dug in. I finished it yesterday and to say I was moved by the book just doesn't seem like enough. This book will make you think. And cry. I could barely get through the chapter on her son's death. Being a mom myself and putting myself in that situation, well, I don't see how she and her husband made it, but she was very transparent in her grief and her relationship with God. She is real.
And it is amazing to see how God used such pain, grief and tragedy to help others. Greg and I are still "talking" about ways to cut money from out budget and wanting to raise our kids with a perspective of simplicity rather than all this "stuff". This is a great book to get me motivated to do more. It is one thing to talk about doing something, or to just give money, but Pam, her husband and her family actually sacrificed A LOT to help orphans in need.
We have so much but there are poor, innocent children who have NOTHING. And not only do they have nothing they are beaten, abused and starved. We have a strong connection to Haiti because we have friends that have ministered to that country for several years, then the earthquake hit in January and it personalized the country for us even more because people we knew had loved ones there. Then, Greg went on a mission trip to Haiti last March. It was a truly life changing experience for him. And we want our kids to know how blessed they are, truly blessed.
This has always been in our hearts. And I am praying that we can really take some actions steps in the next few years with them to show them that even if we had nothing...we would have more than some children across the world. And, if we don't happen to get their favorite kind of cereal this week, well, at least they still have food to eat.
This is a excerpt from the book. Pam was writing about this very issue regarding her kids...how are we going to teach them that they have SO MUCH. They were blessed to be born into a free country and have parents that love them and provide for them,
The concept of a bad day for my kids is when the cable goes out, or there’s a not enough milk for their Lucky Charms. I want my kids to know a different life than that; to have a different understanding of what constitutes hardship. The best way for me to do this is to do what I regretted not having done for Jantsen: teach them, through the way I live my life, that the world is not as big as we think and it’s my responsibility–and will someday be theirs–to take care of people who need our help, even if those people look nothing like us, or live someplace that seems far away and foreign. I see many of my friends trying to shield their kids from pain and disappointment the way that I did when Jantsen and Crista were young, but I can’t continue to do that. I don’t want them to be crippled by fear. I want them to take chances and live adventurous lives. I want them to live their dreams, and the best way I can teach them to do that is to let them watch me live mine.
That is a good word! Period. Lots on my mind. Lots to pray about and ponder. Praying the Lord works in my heart and that my heart will put my feet into action. And it really all comes down to training the next generation that it really isn't all about them. But what we can do for others!!
If you would like to learn more about Pam's organization, click HERE.
To order a copy of her book, which I highly recommend, click HERE.
HERE is a link to Pam's story on Oprah.
Last Monday, I had the privilege of attending a local non-profit's fund-raising dinner. This is an organization that I have recently become contracted with in my counseling practice. They also have a very large adoption program.
The speaker that presented at the dinner was named Pam Cope and she has written a wonderful book entitled, Jantsen's Gift. In this book, Pam writes about a lot of tragic things, namely the sudden death of her 15 year old son several years ago. Through this tragic death, and God's hand, Pam now has been able to save, literally, hundreds of children across the world, including Vietnam, Cambodia and Africa.
I bought the book and had her sign it and eagerly dug in. I finished it yesterday and to say I was moved by the book just doesn't seem like enough. This book will make you think. And cry. I could barely get through the chapter on her son's death. Being a mom myself and putting myself in that situation, well, I don't see how she and her husband made it, but she was very transparent in her grief and her relationship with God. She is real.
And it is amazing to see how God used such pain, grief and tragedy to help others. Greg and I are still "talking" about ways to cut money from out budget and wanting to raise our kids with a perspective of simplicity rather than all this "stuff". This is a great book to get me motivated to do more. It is one thing to talk about doing something, or to just give money, but Pam, her husband and her family actually sacrificed A LOT to help orphans in need.
We have so much but there are poor, innocent children who have NOTHING. And not only do they have nothing they are beaten, abused and starved. We have a strong connection to Haiti because we have friends that have ministered to that country for several years, then the earthquake hit in January and it personalized the country for us even more because people we knew had loved ones there. Then, Greg went on a mission trip to Haiti last March. It was a truly life changing experience for him. And we want our kids to know how blessed they are, truly blessed.
This has always been in our hearts. And I am praying that we can really take some actions steps in the next few years with them to show them that even if we had nothing...we would have more than some children across the world. And, if we don't happen to get their favorite kind of cereal this week, well, at least they still have food to eat.
This is a excerpt from the book. Pam was writing about this very issue regarding her kids...how are we going to teach them that they have SO MUCH. They were blessed to be born into a free country and have parents that love them and provide for them,
The concept of a bad day for my kids is when the cable goes out, or there’s a not enough milk for their Lucky Charms. I want my kids to know a different life than that; to have a different understanding of what constitutes hardship. The best way for me to do this is to do what I regretted not having done for Jantsen: teach them, through the way I live my life, that the world is not as big as we think and it’s my responsibility–and will someday be theirs–to take care of people who need our help, even if those people look nothing like us, or live someplace that seems far away and foreign. I see many of my friends trying to shield their kids from pain and disappointment the way that I did when Jantsen and Crista were young, but I can’t continue to do that. I don’t want them to be crippled by fear. I want them to take chances and live adventurous lives. I want them to live their dreams, and the best way I can teach them to do that is to let them watch me live mine.
That is a good word! Period. Lots on my mind. Lots to pray about and ponder. Praying the Lord works in my heart and that my heart will put my feet into action. And it really all comes down to training the next generation that it really isn't all about them. But what we can do for others!!
If you would like to learn more about Pam's organization, click HERE.
To order a copy of her book, which I highly recommend, click HERE.
HERE is a link to Pam's story on Oprah.
Race for the Cure
I had the privilege this past Saturday to walk in the Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure. We were celebrating my friend, Tracy, being a survivor. There was an estimated 20,000 participants (I believe it because there were LOTS of people there, I mean....A LOT!!!)
The above picture really doesn't do the crowd I saw justice....
Below are some more of the pictures from the race. It was very inspiring to be walking among survivors. It gave a real perspective on how blessed I am to be in good health. As my friend walked through the survivors finish line, I saw a woman who was obviously very weak being held by her husband. She was walking through the survivors lane. I can only imagine that she is currently going through treatment or has just finished. She was moving very slowing, with assistance from her husband. It was very moving seeing her determination to walk. She is a survivor...for now. My prayer is her cancer is beat, and she is in remission.
There were some people there who were 20 year, plus survivors. There were mom and daughter survivors, walking hand in hand. My friend Tracy, and another friend of hers, currently going through treatment, finished the race together. Cynthia is on her third chemo treatment out of four and had not one hair on her head. One of her friends walked behind her the whole race holding up a gigantic sign that had Cynthia's picture on it with hair. I have to say that Cynthia is beautiful with or without hair. Both Tracy and Cynthia's prognosis is very good.
I think it would impossible not to be moved by the days event's. I was honored to be a very small part of it. I would encourage anyone and everyone to participate in a race near them. We did the 5K walk, but they also have a 5K run, and they have a 1 mile fun walk.
Anyone can do this. Anyone can support this. Anyone can walk a mile. Or you can pay $10.00 extra for registration and "sleep in". However, I wouldn't want to miss the excitement in the air, the inspiration on the faces of the survivors, and the reminders of how fragile this life really is.
The beginning of the race for the walkers.
Me, Tracy and Nellie before the race. Our friend Sandy was there also.
Me and Nellie
Tracy going through the survivor's finish line with Sandy in the background.
WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Tracy and her friend, Cynthia. Two fighting survivors!!!
Welcome Fall!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is undoubtedly my most favorite time of the year!!!!! FALL!!!!!!!!!!!
I am loving the cooler weather, getting ready for pumpkin patches and apple picking. The beautiful leaves falling off the trees. Bonfires are good too, if I can have the s'mores that go along with them. Ahhhhhhhhh.....
It has been a very busy couple of weeks for me. This is the first time I have actually had time to myself to focus on writing a little bit. Unfortunately, it probably won't get transcribed in today's post, but hopefully, I can work on some future posts.
Here are the ideas my current brainstorming has brought to me:
1. The stress of being pulled in too many directions. As a wife, mom, employee, volunteer, etc. how do you handle being good at all those things??? I don't really think we can. How do we balance all the responsibilities in today's world?
2. Using scripture to bring home the training and discipline points you are trying to teach your children. This is something that I really, really want to do with Carter and Griffin. I just bought a book entitled, Parenting with Scripture and I have a few other resources that I want to review and see how I can apply this to every day life.
3. The baby blues and Post-partum depression. How can you tell the difference?? When should you get help?
I'd say that is enough to keep me busy for a while. I am going to sit and enjoy my coffee. Pray and reflect on scriptures for a while and hopefully get creative before it's time for me to jump back into reality.
I hope you have an awesome weekend with your family and enjoy this fabulous weather!!!! I think middle Tennessee's forecast is pretty sweet the next few days!!!
Enjoy!!!!!
I am loving the cooler weather, getting ready for pumpkin patches and apple picking. The beautiful leaves falling off the trees. Bonfires are good too, if I can have the s'mores that go along with them. Ahhhhhhhhh.....
It has been a very busy couple of weeks for me. This is the first time I have actually had time to myself to focus on writing a little bit. Unfortunately, it probably won't get transcribed in today's post, but hopefully, I can work on some future posts.
Here are the ideas my current brainstorming has brought to me:
1. The stress of being pulled in too many directions. As a wife, mom, employee, volunteer, etc. how do you handle being good at all those things??? I don't really think we can. How do we balance all the responsibilities in today's world?
2. Using scripture to bring home the training and discipline points you are trying to teach your children. This is something that I really, really want to do with Carter and Griffin. I just bought a book entitled, Parenting with Scripture and I have a few other resources that I want to review and see how I can apply this to every day life.
3. The baby blues and Post-partum depression. How can you tell the difference?? When should you get help?
I'd say that is enough to keep me busy for a while. I am going to sit and enjoy my coffee. Pray and reflect on scriptures for a while and hopefully get creative before it's time for me to jump back into reality.
I hope you have an awesome weekend with your family and enjoy this fabulous weather!!!! I think middle Tennessee's forecast is pretty sweet the next few days!!!
Enjoy!!!!!
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