So, things have been a bit rough around here lately. I really don't know how much to get into letting everyone know our business. Let's just say that we have gotten off to a very rocky 2nd grade start. It looks like more and more our seven year old is having anxiety issues along with his ADHD symptoms. And as much as I love ADHD medications, and the positive difference that it makes in the quality of my child's life...I hate it at the same time. Because it turns my child into a somebody different. All for the sake of helping him pay attention at school.
If you are reading this, please do not send me ideas of how to get my kid off ADHD meds. What works for your kid, natural solutions, ideas or help. I am not asking for help or ideas. Not to be rude, but I just need to vent. And I need to vent with just a listening ear...I don't need words of wisdom. I just need support. We need support.
My love/hate relationship with ADHD medications started last year, well, really in Kindergarten. The meds worked so well. My baby was a different kid. He was able to pay attention and stay in his seat. I told the teacher we were torn because we could see how differently our child acted because of this wonder drug. She encouraged me to keep him on it because of the positive changes in his school behavior. Not just academic, he was doing fine without meds academically, but self-esteem wise, having his name called out so much, all this negative attention, was not doing him any favors. Now he was blossoming. We were so happy with that. But, who is this kid who just sits there. Is moody? Gets temperamental at the drop of a hat and is now prone to meltdowns? This isn't our kid. Yes, he can pay attention in class and do his class work, but anytime we show up at school or throw off his schedule he shuts down.
The medication doesn't create all the negative behaviors for our boy. They just bring them out. Intensify them. They are there to begin with. The meds just make them worse. This we have learned. We saw them in him before the meds, they just weren't as obvious.
Now, we are in second grade, and because we changed his meds over the summer, more negative behaviors are showing up. HE isn't a behavior problem, no, everyone loves our boy. It's more internal than that. It's like he is his own worst enemy. Keeping all this stuff inside, the meds making it worse and it affecting his school life. So, now we are into multiple doctor appointments a week, parent-teacher conferences, daily emails to and from the guidance counselor. Not exactly what I expected my seven year old to deal with. It makes this mommy heart very sad. The guilt. The worry. The tension. The meltdowns. The comments from others who see my boy and say, "This isn't like him?? What happened". Makes my heart cringe every. time. I just want him to be him.
But, I'm not just a mom. I am a mental health professional. I have significant experience in dealing with kids with ADHD (God has a sense of humor doesn't he?). I have been on the other side of this thing so often. Holding a parent's hand. Encouraging them to medicate. Saying what is best. I know the stats. I know the benefits and risks of medication. I know that even with the best support, not medicating him can lead to him self-medicating in the future. And by that, I mean ADHD kids are at increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, or other addictive behaviors if their ADHD is left untreated. I know, personally, because I had ADHD and was undiagnosed until a few years ago and I struggle to this day with food. It is my drug. My self-medicating drug. No, my child will not have to go through what I went through. This I know. This I feel strongly about.
Now, it's us. And I now understand how all those parents felt. I had no idea. I could sympathize, but I really had no freaking idea the pain that is involved or the side effects. The changes. I, like the teachers and school staff, just had the child's best interest at heart, and even though there are side effects the the benefits far out weigh the risks...that's what I would tell them. hmmm. I really had no idea at all. But at the same time, medication alone is not the answer. This I know, also. There has to be a comprehensive plan, and we are doing that for our boy.
So, we are on the search for the "perfect" regimen. Ha. Like there is one. We are looking for the best way to treat this ADHD thing without making my son into a zombie or affecting his social skills, or inhibiting his best academic performance. * sigh*. There was a touch of sarcasm there in case you missed it.
It's been a rough couple of weeks. But today is a new day. A new trial. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't.
That's how I feel about right now. Now to get ready for yet another appointment. Waiting to see what kind of email I get from the Guidance Counselor today.
I'm choosing joy, though, because others go through a lot worse than we do. I know that. I hope my venting has not seemed trivial in light of what you and your family are going through. We all have struggles. We all have a burden to bear. I'm thankful for the education I have. And for the encouraging words of our pediatrician when she said I was the best advocate for my child.
Damn right I am. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
I'm Too Good In A Crisis
Sometimes I really hate being a therapist. I hate it because I spent the beginnings of my career in crisis work. I also worked as a school based therapist for three years. I have had multiple trainings in trauma, including a three day training specifically geared at being prepared for a traumatic/crisis event at a school.
What difference does this make? It makes me numb to trauma. I feel separated from it. I don't allow myself to get really involved. The good thing about that is I'm great in a crisis. I stay calm. I'm trained on how to provide on the spot counseling and assess someone who has been exposed to trauma. I'm all business where trauma is concerned. The bad part is, well, I don't feel a lot. I feel disconnected. Numb. My world doesn't get rocked a lot like everyone else when traumatic events happens. I felt more trauma when we had the flood in Tennessee a couple of years ago, and when we had a tornado hit our town. Of course, I was involved in that trauma, so, feeling that was a good, natural thing to feel.
So, when news of the tragic event in Connecticut started posting on Twitter on Friday, I wondered how bad it really was. Thankfully (I guess) I was away from the TV the entire day and didn't turn on the news until the evening. Even then, I limited it. I didn't watch the news. I didn't read articles on the Internet. It wouldn't change anything. I stayed off Facebook. I just really didn't NEED to be exposed to anymore trauma.
I was shocked. I was saddened, deeply, for the witnesses of the horrific crime, the families involved. And I thought how horrible it was for those babies and adults who died in such a sudden, traumatic way.
But, I didn't cry. I wish I could have. On facebook and Twitter everyone was crying and hugging their kids. Deeply moved by what had just happened and realizing the brevity of life. How fragile it is. So I spent the weekend wanting to feel more. To cry. To worry about my babies more. I don't know. I am honestly just numb. And I hate it.
Maybe I am still in shock. I mean my oldest is the age of those babies killed on Friday. How can that not break my heart? Bring me to tears. I guess because I know that it didn't happen to them and for that I am thankful and there is really no need to emotionally put yourself through that. I mean, it's one thing to be empathetic and to feel for the victims and their families but it doesn't do anything to put your baby at that event and imagining the loss, the grief and the trauma you would feel if, in fact, it did happen to your baby. In fact, it can be very emotionally damaging.
I also know that just because this event happened to children the same age as my own doesn't mean it's going to happen to mine. Another good thing about being trained for crises is that you know statistics. The possibility of this happening again in this specific way is highly unlikely.Anytime there is school violence you have to understand that there is variable that you cannot control....and that is the variable of a very unstable person. I hope through this event that this helps those in power understand better how to prevent these kinds of events. I hope that those who are mentally ill get the care and service and medications they need.
I don't have any of the answers and quite honestly, they are too overwhelming to even break down today. Because we are all still processing this event. We are still mourning. And I'm still trying to feel my way through it. So, I'm just going to pray and mourn. And let a little bit more of this in and feel and process this event as best I can.
What difference does this make? It makes me numb to trauma. I feel separated from it. I don't allow myself to get really involved. The good thing about that is I'm great in a crisis. I stay calm. I'm trained on how to provide on the spot counseling and assess someone who has been exposed to trauma. I'm all business where trauma is concerned. The bad part is, well, I don't feel a lot. I feel disconnected. Numb. My world doesn't get rocked a lot like everyone else when traumatic events happens. I felt more trauma when we had the flood in Tennessee a couple of years ago, and when we had a tornado hit our town. Of course, I was involved in that trauma, so, feeling that was a good, natural thing to feel.
So, when news of the tragic event in Connecticut started posting on Twitter on Friday, I wondered how bad it really was. Thankfully (I guess) I was away from the TV the entire day and didn't turn on the news until the evening. Even then, I limited it. I didn't watch the news. I didn't read articles on the Internet. It wouldn't change anything. I stayed off Facebook. I just really didn't NEED to be exposed to anymore trauma.
I was shocked. I was saddened, deeply, for the witnesses of the horrific crime, the families involved. And I thought how horrible it was for those babies and adults who died in such a sudden, traumatic way.
But, I didn't cry. I wish I could have. On facebook and Twitter everyone was crying and hugging their kids. Deeply moved by what had just happened and realizing the brevity of life. How fragile it is. So I spent the weekend wanting to feel more. To cry. To worry about my babies more. I don't know. I am honestly just numb. And I hate it.
Maybe I am still in shock. I mean my oldest is the age of those babies killed on Friday. How can that not break my heart? Bring me to tears. I guess because I know that it didn't happen to them and for that I am thankful and there is really no need to emotionally put yourself through that. I mean, it's one thing to be empathetic and to feel for the victims and their families but it doesn't do anything to put your baby at that event and imagining the loss, the grief and the trauma you would feel if, in fact, it did happen to your baby. In fact, it can be very emotionally damaging.
I also know that just because this event happened to children the same age as my own doesn't mean it's going to happen to mine. Another good thing about being trained for crises is that you know statistics. The possibility of this happening again in this specific way is highly unlikely.Anytime there is school violence you have to understand that there is variable that you cannot control....and that is the variable of a very unstable person. I hope through this event that this helps those in power understand better how to prevent these kinds of events. I hope that those who are mentally ill get the care and service and medications they need.
I don't have any of the answers and quite honestly, they are too overwhelming to even break down today. Because we are all still processing this event. We are still mourning. And I'm still trying to feel my way through it. So, I'm just going to pray and mourn. And let a little bit more of this in and feel and process this event as best I can.
Four Observations I Made While Having Lunch With My Kid Yesterday
1. My kid loves feeling special.
Obviously, that is an understatement. And of course I know he likes feeling special, it's just with Carter, he doesn't let us know it very much. Yesterday, me being at lunch with him, he was obviously happy. His guard was completely down. His eyes were sparkly. And I was moved. Now, I have a very happy child. He is, for he most part, happy go lucky. But Carter is also very intense, complicated and special. We often butt heads. We are a whole lot a like (hence the butting-heads part). Gosh, I love that kid so much. I am so proud of him. He has a beautiful spirit. A tender heart. And a very stubborn will. Yesterday, he was so happy, extra happy. And he was thrilled that I was there having lunch with him. I didn't realize it would mean so much to him or I would have done it earlier in the year. Without prompting, he simply looked at me while we were having lunch and said, "I am really glad you came to have lunch with me, mom. Thanks.". Oh my heart swelled and it has brought the tears right back into my eyes. My heart was broken, in a good way. I don't get to hear those words from Carter very much. He uses them sparingly. The first thing he said to me when he got up this morning was, "Mom, remember yesterday when you came to school and had lunch with me?" Big smile.
2. Kids school lunches, are, well, yucky!
I've been around a school cafeteria for years. I worked in a school in the 90's and from 2003-2006. So, I know what school lunches are made of. It's industrialized food. I have seen healthier choices here and there but overall, it's still very processed. Yesterday was the first school lunch I had been around since 2006. Not a lot has changed for the better. I am sorry. There is really no positive thing to say about school lunches, at least at the school my son goes to. Of course there were aspects that were healthy, the milk, the salad. But the processed beef.....nuggets???? I guess that is what they were?? Nope. I don't want to offend anyone who's kids eat their lunches at school, or perhaps you prepare and work in a school cafeteria, but as long as I can help it, my child will be bringing his lunch to school from home.
3. Six year olds like being risque.
LOL. That sounds worse than it is. But being around a table full of Kindergartners I see very similar things that I see in my own 6 year old. They like saying things they think *might* be nasty, inappropriate, or bad. And the funny thing is, their version of bad is usually very PG. Like yesterday, there was a trio of boys across from me and my son and the conversation became, well, risque. One of the boys started saying, "sexy", like it was a big, bad word. The other two boys laughed and covered their mouths. Of course, after getting a big response he kept saying it over and over. And I just had to chuckle. You know, "sexy", it's such a naughty word. LOL!
4. It really does take a village.
I know, I know. Some people may disagree with this but as much as my husband and I put into raising our children I am very thankful that there are others pouring into their lives also. Teachers, teachers assistants, Sunday school teachers, volunteers at church, coaches, and the list could go on and on. And the thing about the village is that a lot of them don't get paid enough for what they do or they don't get paid at all. And it is a shame. I really wish teachers and school systems had half the income of celebrity's or sports figures. Something is really messed up about the people we give big money too. And it is us who pays for the celebrities and sports figures. We go to the movies and the sporting events. We buy the products they sponsor and sell. We go to games, buy jerseys and team memorabilia. There is nothing wrong with that. I just wish we could figure out how to pay our education system the same way. Instead we have fundraisers and bake sales. I am thankful for the "village" that is helping to raise my boys into strong, educated and even godly men. Thanks. I wish I could do more. And I wish you got paid what you were worth.
Obviously, that is an understatement. And of course I know he likes feeling special, it's just with Carter, he doesn't let us know it very much. Yesterday, me being at lunch with him, he was obviously happy. His guard was completely down. His eyes were sparkly. And I was moved. Now, I have a very happy child. He is, for he most part, happy go lucky. But Carter is also very intense, complicated and special. We often butt heads. We are a whole lot a like (hence the butting-heads part). Gosh, I love that kid so much. I am so proud of him. He has a beautiful spirit. A tender heart. And a very stubborn will. Yesterday, he was so happy, extra happy. And he was thrilled that I was there having lunch with him. I didn't realize it would mean so much to him or I would have done it earlier in the year. Without prompting, he simply looked at me while we were having lunch and said, "I am really glad you came to have lunch with me, mom. Thanks.". Oh my heart swelled and it has brought the tears right back into my eyes. My heart was broken, in a good way. I don't get to hear those words from Carter very much. He uses them sparingly. The first thing he said to me when he got up this morning was, "Mom, remember yesterday when you came to school and had lunch with me?" Big smile.
2. Kids school lunches, are, well, yucky!
I've been around a school cafeteria for years. I worked in a school in the 90's and from 2003-2006. So, I know what school lunches are made of. It's industrialized food. I have seen healthier choices here and there but overall, it's still very processed. Yesterday was the first school lunch I had been around since 2006. Not a lot has changed for the better. I am sorry. There is really no positive thing to say about school lunches, at least at the school my son goes to. Of course there were aspects that were healthy, the milk, the salad. But the processed beef.....nuggets???? I guess that is what they were?? Nope. I don't want to offend anyone who's kids eat their lunches at school, or perhaps you prepare and work in a school cafeteria, but as long as I can help it, my child will be bringing his lunch to school from home.
3. Six year olds like being risque.
LOL. That sounds worse than it is. But being around a table full of Kindergartners I see very similar things that I see in my own 6 year old. They like saying things they think *might* be nasty, inappropriate, or bad. And the funny thing is, their version of bad is usually very PG. Like yesterday, there was a trio of boys across from me and my son and the conversation became, well, risque. One of the boys started saying, "sexy", like it was a big, bad word. The other two boys laughed and covered their mouths. Of course, after getting a big response he kept saying it over and over. And I just had to chuckle. You know, "sexy", it's such a naughty word. LOL!
4. It really does take a village.
I know, I know. Some people may disagree with this but as much as my husband and I put into raising our children I am very thankful that there are others pouring into their lives also. Teachers, teachers assistants, Sunday school teachers, volunteers at church, coaches, and the list could go on and on. And the thing about the village is that a lot of them don't get paid enough for what they do or they don't get paid at all. And it is a shame. I really wish teachers and school systems had half the income of celebrity's or sports figures. Something is really messed up about the people we give big money too. And it is us who pays for the celebrities and sports figures. We go to the movies and the sporting events. We buy the products they sponsor and sell. We go to games, buy jerseys and team memorabilia. There is nothing wrong with that. I just wish we could figure out how to pay our education system the same way. Instead we have fundraisers and bake sales. I am thankful for the "village" that is helping to raise my boys into strong, educated and even godly men. Thanks. I wish I could do more. And I wish you got paid what you were worth.
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