So, things have been a bit rough around here lately. I really don't know how much to get into letting everyone know our business. Let's just say that we have gotten off to a very rocky 2nd grade start. It looks like more and more our seven year old is having anxiety issues along with his ADHD symptoms. And as much as I love ADHD medications, and the positive difference that it makes in the quality of my child's life...I hate it at the same time. Because it turns my child into a somebody different. All for the sake of helping him pay attention at school.
If you are reading this, please do not send me ideas of how to get my kid off ADHD meds. What works for your kid, natural solutions, ideas or help. I am not asking for help or ideas. Not to be rude, but I just need to vent. And I need to vent with just a listening ear...I don't need words of wisdom. I just need support. We need support.
My love/hate relationship with ADHD medications started last year, well, really in Kindergarten. The meds worked so well. My baby was a different kid. He was able to pay attention and stay in his seat. I told the teacher we were torn because we could see how differently our child acted because of this wonder drug. She encouraged me to keep him on it because of the positive changes in his school behavior. Not just academic, he was doing fine without meds academically, but self-esteem wise, having his name called out so much, all this negative attention, was not doing him any favors. Now he was blossoming. We were so happy with that. But, who is this kid who just sits there. Is moody? Gets temperamental at the drop of a hat and is now prone to meltdowns? This isn't our kid. Yes, he can pay attention in class and do his class work, but anytime we show up at school or throw off his schedule he shuts down.
The medication doesn't create all the negative behaviors for our boy. They just bring them out. Intensify them. They are there to begin with. The meds just make them worse. This we have learned. We saw them in him before the meds, they just weren't as obvious.
Now, we are in second grade, and because we changed his meds over the summer, more negative behaviors are showing up. HE isn't a behavior problem, no, everyone loves our boy. It's more internal than that. It's like he is his own worst enemy. Keeping all this stuff inside, the meds making it worse and it affecting his school life. So, now we are into multiple doctor appointments a week, parent-teacher conferences, daily emails to and from the guidance counselor. Not exactly what I expected my seven year old to deal with. It makes this mommy heart very sad. The guilt. The worry. The tension. The meltdowns. The comments from others who see my boy and say, "This isn't like him?? What happened". Makes my heart cringe every. time. I just want him to be him.
But, I'm not just a mom. I am a mental health professional. I have significant experience in dealing with kids with ADHD (God has a sense of humor doesn't he?). I have been on the other side of this thing so often. Holding a parent's hand. Encouraging them to medicate. Saying what is best. I know the stats. I know the benefits and risks of medication. I know that even with the best support, not medicating him can lead to him self-medicating in the future. And by that, I mean ADHD kids are at increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, or other addictive behaviors if their ADHD is left untreated. I know, personally, because I had ADHD and was undiagnosed until a few years ago and I struggle to this day with food. It is my drug. My self-medicating drug. No, my child will not have to go through what I went through. This I know. This I feel strongly about.
Now, it's us. And I now understand how all those parents felt. I had no idea. I could sympathize, but I really had no freaking idea the pain that is involved or the side effects. The changes. I, like the teachers and school staff, just had the child's best interest at heart, and even though there are side effects the the benefits far out weigh the risks...that's what I would tell them. hmmm. I really had no idea at all. But at the same time, medication alone is not the answer. This I know, also. There has to be a comprehensive plan, and we are doing that for our boy.
So, we are on the search for the "perfect" regimen. Ha. Like there is one. We are looking for the best way to treat this ADHD thing without making my son into a zombie or affecting his social skills, or inhibiting his best academic performance. * sigh*. There was a touch of sarcasm there in case you missed it.
It's been a rough couple of weeks. But today is a new day. A new trial. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't.
That's how I feel about right now. Now to get ready for yet another appointment. Waiting to see what kind of email I get from the Guidance Counselor today.
I'm choosing joy, though, because others go through a lot worse than we do. I know that. I hope my venting has not seemed trivial in light of what you and your family are going through. We all have struggles. We all have a burden to bear. I'm thankful for the education I have. And for the encouraging words of our pediatrician when she said I was the best advocate for my child.
Damn right I am. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Opening Up about ADHD
Yesterday was a rough day. We have been dealing with a diagnosis of ADHD for our oldest son for a few months now. He also has some sensory processing issues, especially with touch and hearing. And while I wholeheartedly agree with the diagnoses, sometimes I just don't feel up to the challenge of having a challenging kid. Yesterday was one of those days.
This morning I heard an interview about labeling children on the Today show. To see the interview, click HERE Needless to say, it grabbed my attention. While this interview discussed ADHD, among other diagnoses, the family presented in this interview has three kids, yes, THREE sons with ADHD. Yikes.
Anyway, the mom in the interview is very open about sharing her families struggles with ADHD. I have yet to be that open, mainly because I want to protect my son. It's my job. But, on the other hand, as others have told me that I have an audience (albeit small) that would benefit from sharing our family struggles with this disorder.
*sigh*
But I don't wanna. LOL. (that's my best 3 year old impersonation). I know it will be very healing and cathartic (and hopefully, sometimes, funny) it also opens my boy up for attention and judgement. It opens my husband and I open for attention and judgement. And I think we get enough of that anyway, why would I want to add to it?
But, I know in writing about our struggles it might help someone else, or that other person may feel less alone by reading our story.
I think we are pretty fortunate in that we have a diagnosis. That in and of itself helps. Because not having a diagnosis makes a parent feel like a failure a lot of the time. We asked, "what are we doing wrong?" Carter can be challenging behaviorally. I don't mind it so much, except when we are in public. Because, honestly, I feel it reflects negatively on me as a parent. Why?
Hello! I am a psychotherapist that specializes in, guess what? Children, adolescents and families. I cannot tell you how many kids I have dealt with that has had this diagnosis. It is really, really different being on the other side of it.
I mean, I teach parents how to be good parents or to increase their parenting skills. Imagine how discouraging it is when you are trying to teach your child and your child does not cooperate? Especially before a diagnosis. I felt like a failure, a lot. I felt confused. I felt discouraged. I felt like something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was.
Carter was in childcare part time since he was six months old. It wasn't until he was two that we first heard a teacher (very unprofessionally) use the term ADHD for him. I was extremely angry and handled the situation by talking with the Director of the program. Thankfully, it was the day before the end of the school year. He went that final day and we did not return in the fall.
The next year was equally challenging for Carter. He was in a more structured environment and honestly, I loved his teachers, but I think they expected too much out of three year olds. Even though they were awesome, Carter didn't get as many chances of positive reinforcement as I would have liked, and that includes from me as well as the teachers. I was told Carter had a very difficult time sitting still. I cried. I went to the pediatrician. The ped said he was too young to do anything about diagnosing him at that time.
During Pre-K Carter did great. He was at the same school. Each day I picked him up I held my breath. I kept asking his teacher how he was doing? How was his behavior? I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did. His teacher said he acted like a typical four year old. She had a hard time getting him to write, which for a boy is not unusual. And she said that if he didn't want to do something, he didn't do it (sounded familiar). My husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, maybe Carter was growing into becoming more mature and being able to control himself. He was by no doubt active and always had been, but it seemed that maybe those nagging feelings in the back of my mind about ADHD could be put to rest.
But during the second 9 weeks of Kindergarten he started having issues. Never anything behavioral, more affecting his academics. By the Spring of his Kindergarten year Carter had been diagnosed and was on meds. It made a dramatic difference in his ability to complete work and staying on task. We knew as painful as it was, we had made the right decision. We could see a huge difference ourselves, in how Carter behaved and how much more positive we could be with him.
Being on medication, however, does bring side effects. Yucky side effects. I don't like them. I don't like how it changes my kid's personality. We have lots more meltdowns now. He's moody. He has what appears to be anxiety, but who knows for sure. We have him in counseling twice a month because, as a therapist, I know kids with ADHD are more prone to depression and anxiety (and other lovely disorders that I'm not going to mention, like ODD). With counseling, he is able to learn about how to control his outbursts, anxiety, and how to self-sooth and calm himself. I was able to teach him some things, but it really is better coming from someone besides your mom.
My history is working with kids who are at-risk. Below poverty level, lack of parental supervision, lack of resources, etc. So, I know Carter is not exposed to those risks as those kids are. At-risk kids tend to have more of the severe disorders I mentioned above. I keep telling myself Carter has A LOT going for him. And he does.
Socially, he has always been able to make and keep friends. It seems like everybody knows who Carter is at his school. They are always coming up to him and saying, "Hi, Carter". I'm not going to say he is popular, but, with a kid who has ADHD I would say he is doing pretty well in the social department. That is HUGE!!!! I hope it continues to be positive.
Carter is funny, smart, creative, loving and very, very caring. He has a lot more attributes but these stand out the most.
Of course, Greg and I do all that we can to help Carter and figure him out and I spend alot of times on my knees praying that Carter is able to be all that he can be. That God would use him and this diagnosis for His glory.
You know, I would like to say that since I am a therapist that I am the PERFECT mom to have a kid with ADHD. Well, I am the perfect mom for Carter, but I am very imperfect. I lose my temper. Sometimes I raise my voice. I get overwhelmed. Frustrated. Exhausted. Sometimes I am not very loving, patient or kind to Carter, especially when he is very hyper. I hate it when I lose it in public. Lately, that seems to be happening while I am trying to check in both boys at church. LOL. Talk about humbling. I had to go the the Chidlren's minister a few weeks ago and apologize one Wednesday night because I was so frustrated with my boys that I took it out on the check-in people at church. I'm pretty open about my shortcomings. I am thankful for grace and hoping that I am also making improvements along the way.
Anyway, here we are. I hope to write more openly about this now. And I hope to protect Carter. I want to do both. I need to do both.
If you are a parent dealing with a difficult, challenging kid and don't know what to do and feel like you are at the end your rope, go talk to a therapist and see if an evaluation is necessary. Believe me, they are not going to diagnose your kids unless they need to be diagnosed. They are trained . They are professional. You have options. You have choices. We went the medication route. You don't have to. But sometimes having answers and interventions can make a huge difference. I can tell you having a diagnosis helps me to feel like not so much of a failure. And to know that while Carter is challenging, we have interventions. We just have to work harder. And that's okay because he is worth it.
More to come....thanks for listening.
This morning I heard an interview about labeling children on the Today show. To see the interview, click HERE Needless to say, it grabbed my attention. While this interview discussed ADHD, among other diagnoses, the family presented in this interview has three kids, yes, THREE sons with ADHD. Yikes.
Anyway, the mom in the interview is very open about sharing her families struggles with ADHD. I have yet to be that open, mainly because I want to protect my son. It's my job. But, on the other hand, as others have told me that I have an audience (albeit small) that would benefit from sharing our family struggles with this disorder.
*sigh*
But I don't wanna. LOL. (that's my best 3 year old impersonation). I know it will be very healing and cathartic (and hopefully, sometimes, funny) it also opens my boy up for attention and judgement. It opens my husband and I open for attention and judgement. And I think we get enough of that anyway, why would I want to add to it?
But, I know in writing about our struggles it might help someone else, or that other person may feel less alone by reading our story.
I think we are pretty fortunate in that we have a diagnosis. That in and of itself helps. Because not having a diagnosis makes a parent feel like a failure a lot of the time. We asked, "what are we doing wrong?" Carter can be challenging behaviorally. I don't mind it so much, except when we are in public. Because, honestly, I feel it reflects negatively on me as a parent. Why?
Hello! I am a psychotherapist that specializes in, guess what? Children, adolescents and families. I cannot tell you how many kids I have dealt with that has had this diagnosis. It is really, really different being on the other side of it.
I mean, I teach parents how to be good parents or to increase their parenting skills. Imagine how discouraging it is when you are trying to teach your child and your child does not cooperate? Especially before a diagnosis. I felt like a failure, a lot. I felt confused. I felt discouraged. I felt like something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was.
Carter was in childcare part time since he was six months old. It wasn't until he was two that we first heard a teacher (very unprofessionally) use the term ADHD for him. I was extremely angry and handled the situation by talking with the Director of the program. Thankfully, it was the day before the end of the school year. He went that final day and we did not return in the fall.
The next year was equally challenging for Carter. He was in a more structured environment and honestly, I loved his teachers, but I think they expected too much out of three year olds. Even though they were awesome, Carter didn't get as many chances of positive reinforcement as I would have liked, and that includes from me as well as the teachers. I was told Carter had a very difficult time sitting still. I cried. I went to the pediatrician. The ped said he was too young to do anything about diagnosing him at that time.
During Pre-K Carter did great. He was at the same school. Each day I picked him up I held my breath. I kept asking his teacher how he was doing? How was his behavior? I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did. His teacher said he acted like a typical four year old. She had a hard time getting him to write, which for a boy is not unusual. And she said that if he didn't want to do something, he didn't do it (sounded familiar). My husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, maybe Carter was growing into becoming more mature and being able to control himself. He was by no doubt active and always had been, but it seemed that maybe those nagging feelings in the back of my mind about ADHD could be put to rest.
But during the second 9 weeks of Kindergarten he started having issues. Never anything behavioral, more affecting his academics. By the Spring of his Kindergarten year Carter had been diagnosed and was on meds. It made a dramatic difference in his ability to complete work and staying on task. We knew as painful as it was, we had made the right decision. We could see a huge difference ourselves, in how Carter behaved and how much more positive we could be with him.
Being on medication, however, does bring side effects. Yucky side effects. I don't like them. I don't like how it changes my kid's personality. We have lots more meltdowns now. He's moody. He has what appears to be anxiety, but who knows for sure. We have him in counseling twice a month because, as a therapist, I know kids with ADHD are more prone to depression and anxiety (and other lovely disorders that I'm not going to mention, like ODD). With counseling, he is able to learn about how to control his outbursts, anxiety, and how to self-sooth and calm himself. I was able to teach him some things, but it really is better coming from someone besides your mom.
My history is working with kids who are at-risk. Below poverty level, lack of parental supervision, lack of resources, etc. So, I know Carter is not exposed to those risks as those kids are. At-risk kids tend to have more of the severe disorders I mentioned above. I keep telling myself Carter has A LOT going for him. And he does.
Socially, he has always been able to make and keep friends. It seems like everybody knows who Carter is at his school. They are always coming up to him and saying, "Hi, Carter". I'm not going to say he is popular, but, with a kid who has ADHD I would say he is doing pretty well in the social department. That is HUGE!!!! I hope it continues to be positive.
Carter is funny, smart, creative, loving and very, very caring. He has a lot more attributes but these stand out the most.
Of course, Greg and I do all that we can to help Carter and figure him out and I spend alot of times on my knees praying that Carter is able to be all that he can be. That God would use him and this diagnosis for His glory.
You know, I would like to say that since I am a therapist that I am the PERFECT mom to have a kid with ADHD. Well, I am the perfect mom for Carter, but I am very imperfect. I lose my temper. Sometimes I raise my voice. I get overwhelmed. Frustrated. Exhausted. Sometimes I am not very loving, patient or kind to Carter, especially when he is very hyper. I hate it when I lose it in public. Lately, that seems to be happening while I am trying to check in both boys at church. LOL. Talk about humbling. I had to go the the Chidlren's minister a few weeks ago and apologize one Wednesday night because I was so frustrated with my boys that I took it out on the check-in people at church. I'm pretty open about my shortcomings. I am thankful for grace and hoping that I am also making improvements along the way.
Anyway, here we are. I hope to write more openly about this now. And I hope to protect Carter. I want to do both. I need to do both.
If you are a parent dealing with a difficult, challenging kid and don't know what to do and feel like you are at the end your rope, go talk to a therapist and see if an evaluation is necessary. Believe me, they are not going to diagnose your kids unless they need to be diagnosed. They are trained . They are professional. You have options. You have choices. We went the medication route. You don't have to. But sometimes having answers and interventions can make a huge difference. I can tell you having a diagnosis helps me to feel like not so much of a failure. And to know that while Carter is challenging, we have interventions. We just have to work harder. And that's okay because he is worth it.
More to come....thanks for listening.
The Summer of my Discontent
This has been a really hard summer for me. . I have been struggling with some deep life issues and questions. I have not been questioning my faith or my belief system (been there, done that, settled it) but just the more gray areas in life. Plus, the culture of Christianity can really get on my nerves, even though I am guilty of using all the cliches and pat answers myself. So, I am calling the kettle black, don't get me wrong.
Also, Summer with my kids just about does me in. I wish I could say that I love all my time with my babies, and in reality, I do. It's just both of them together can drive me crazy!
But struggling with deeper issues, struggling with a kid with a new ADHD diagnosis, struggling with my weight and (honestly) my self-esteem which seems to be connected to my weight, ...well, my summer has been a struggle. Mentally and emotionally. And physically.
I finally got over myself. LOL.Yes, this has been a difficult summer. We are still reeling from a diagnosis of our oldest son with ADHD. Dealing with medications, structure, meltdowns and behaviors. Working, albeit partime, in a very mentally draining job, juggling home life, work life and church life along with family life....my parents are getting older and going through their own sets of life issues. It can all be overwhelming.
And the thing that I do best is attack myself. I get unhappy and focus on things in a negative way. Somehow this temporarily and dyfunctinally takes the attention off all the other things going on. It doesn't solve anything. I start tearing myself down. I allow Satan to tell me lies. I get very discontent. Crazy, huh?
Yep. I realized a lot of things recently. And I am still working on them. I don't have to get into all that on here. But the long and short of it is, I am enough. I am beautiful, just the way I am. I want to be healthy, not thin. I want to take care of myself the best way that I can....emotionally, physically and mentally. And some things have to change.
More importantly, God has got this. Dealing with my stress in this dysfunctional way never works. Ha! Newsflash. You would think I would figure that out by now. But, he's got the ADHD (well, not literally :) ), he's got the struggle. He's got our finances. He's got it. He's got everything. It's time I give it over to him so He can really take care of it instead of just wallowing in my own misery.
I have kind of been in an abyss lately. I am sure you know what I am talking about. You are functioning but not really. You make it through the day, but wonder what it was all about. Some people call this depression. I just call it being overwhelmed and having to walk through a difficult time. It's not pretty. It's not usually what people want to hear about. They want to hear that you are fine. But it is what is. And I have been in this abyss.
But, it's time to come out of the abyss. It's time to love myself the way the Lord loves me and love my body the way my husband loves my body (which I really just don't get). Obviously, these two beings, one holy, omnipotent and has been around when there was nothing around and the other, a fallible, lowly human who love ME see something that I don't.
It's time to release the anxiety, the fear, the depression, the doubts, everything. We are going to have challenges in this life. Thank GOD, HE has overcome them. Already. Done. (John 16:33).
And the truth is, change isn't going to happen for me until I just accept who I am, where I am in this moment and love on myself a little bit instead of staring at how big my butt looks in the mirror. Ugh.
The same is true for raising children, dealing with the economy, life issues, extended family issues...I mean, really. I could go on and on. Then I would find myself in the abyss again...so.
Today. I am choosing to do this.
It doesn't really change this life or what is going on in this life, the ups and downs. It just makes them bearable and breathable. NO abyss. Just smooth sailing. Because even in the ups and downs, the storms and the struggles, God's love, consistency and truth does not change.
And that, well, that is the meaning of contentment.
Also, Summer with my kids just about does me in. I wish I could say that I love all my time with my babies, and in reality, I do. It's just both of them together can drive me crazy!
But struggling with deeper issues, struggling with a kid with a new ADHD diagnosis, struggling with my weight and (honestly) my self-esteem which seems to be connected to my weight, ...well, my summer has been a struggle. Mentally and emotionally. And physically.
I finally got over myself. LOL.Yes, this has been a difficult summer. We are still reeling from a diagnosis of our oldest son with ADHD. Dealing with medications, structure, meltdowns and behaviors. Working, albeit partime, in a very mentally draining job, juggling home life, work life and church life along with family life....my parents are getting older and going through their own sets of life issues. It can all be overwhelming.
And the thing that I do best is attack myself. I get unhappy and focus on things in a negative way. Somehow this temporarily and dyfunctinally takes the attention off all the other things going on. It doesn't solve anything. I start tearing myself down. I allow Satan to tell me lies. I get very discontent. Crazy, huh?
Yep. I realized a lot of things recently. And I am still working on them. I don't have to get into all that on here. But the long and short of it is, I am enough. I am beautiful, just the way I am. I want to be healthy, not thin. I want to take care of myself the best way that I can....emotionally, physically and mentally. And some things have to change.
More importantly, God has got this. Dealing with my stress in this dysfunctional way never works. Ha! Newsflash. You would think I would figure that out by now. But, he's got the ADHD (well, not literally :) ), he's got the struggle. He's got our finances. He's got it. He's got everything. It's time I give it over to him so He can really take care of it instead of just wallowing in my own misery.
I have kind of been in an abyss lately. I am sure you know what I am talking about. You are functioning but not really. You make it through the day, but wonder what it was all about. Some people call this depression. I just call it being overwhelmed and having to walk through a difficult time. It's not pretty. It's not usually what people want to hear about. They want to hear that you are fine. But it is what is. And I have been in this abyss.
But, it's time to come out of the abyss. It's time to love myself the way the Lord loves me and love my body the way my husband loves my body (which I really just don't get). Obviously, these two beings, one holy, omnipotent and has been around when there was nothing around and the other, a fallible, lowly human who love ME see something that I don't.
It's time to release the anxiety, the fear, the depression, the doubts, everything. We are going to have challenges in this life. Thank GOD, HE has overcome them. Already. Done. (John 16:33).
And the truth is, change isn't going to happen for me until I just accept who I am, where I am in this moment and love on myself a little bit instead of staring at how big my butt looks in the mirror. Ugh.
The same is true for raising children, dealing with the economy, life issues, extended family issues...I mean, really. I could go on and on. Then I would find myself in the abyss again...so.
Today. I am choosing to do this.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Phil 4:8.
It doesn't really change this life or what is going on in this life, the ups and downs. It just makes them bearable and breathable. NO abyss. Just smooth sailing. Because even in the ups and downs, the storms and the struggles, God's love, consistency and truth does not change.
And that, well, that is the meaning of contentment.
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