Boundaries...continued

This week we will be talking about boundaries and how that ties in to self-care. Last week we discussed how the mind plays a huge part in how we take care of ourselves. How we think and respond to life around us has a huge impact on our stress level and ability to deal with stress. And life is stressful. Even if things are going well, just dealing with modern technology and the speed at which we live is extremely draining. Add in a few life "bumps" and well, it doesn't take long before our emotional bank has hit empty.

How do having good boundaries help in this area? Why is this even connected to self-care? Later on in the blog I will share Margaret Feinberg's personal experience with learning Boundaries as she shared in her recent book, Wonderstruck.

First, let's define boundaries. I'm going to be using info from primarily two or three books, which I will include a reference to at the end of this blog.

Boundaries is defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary as:

 A line that marks the limits of an area. A dividing line.

Other sources define boundaries as a symbolic line in the sand: Something that indicates a border or limit

 Or one of my favorites, is using the symbol of a circle. This is found in the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine, M.A. In the book, which is primarily used with people who have suffered sexual abuse sometime in their life, they have an exercise at the end of chapter one. You are in the middle of a circle and everything that you love, believe, feel, want, desire, hate, is in that circle. You decide what is in the circle and you decide what is outside the circle. If you do not have good boundaries, then that circle really doesn't exist. If you don't have a strong sense of self, you are going to allow things in that circle that a person with healthy boundaries would not allow in.

This is a specific exercise that I do with people in a session. I have had some people have extreme difficulty completing this exercise. The have almost no sense of self, or who they are. I have had others have no difficulty naming their values, beliefs, what they love and what they hate and what they want in that circle.

 In the book, Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend, they explain in detail how having healthy boundaries are not only biblical,  but necessary. Without appropriate boundaries we can become very angry or bitter. Some of us may have great professional boundaries while our personal boundaries are a wreck, or vice versa. We may be saying "yes" to things we need to say "no" too. We may be avoiding things we need to say "yes" too. In this book, the authors specifically address why we get angry or feel frustrated when we have misplaced boundaries. I highly recommend reading this book, going through the study, or doing the workbook on your own or with a friend or counselor.

I wanted to share with you a great example of learning about boundaries.  In Margaret Feinberg's new book, Wonderstruck.  Margaret spends a chapter on a time in her life when she was essentially, depressed, emotionally drained, exhausted. She had a difficult time getting out of bed. Really had no desire for the things that she had previously. Margaret wisely sought out a christian counselor in her area. Margaret was amazed to find out that she needed help with boundaries. She thought she had a great boundaries, but what she needed was to balance out her life. Over time, and going through Cloud and Townsend's book and videos, she learned that she was saying "yes" to way too many things without considering how this was affecting her personal life.

And if you think you have Boundaries, well, Margaret had read it TWICE. Her counselor called her on her lack of application to anything in the book. And I think that's what happens to a lot of people. Just because you read something once, or even twice, does not mean you have it mastered. You have merely scratched the surface.

This is what Margaret learned about Boundaries, or lack thereof, excerpt from her book, Wonderstruck; chapter 4: A Sanctuary in Time:

"The pace of life became a place of torment. My life was a smoking treadmill I'd been running on at level ten speed at an incline of ten since childhood...freedom wasn't found in tossing the treadmill, but in discovering a maintainable pace".

Through several counseling sessions and a lot of hard work and homework, Margaret began to take responsibility for her life:

"The pace of my life was my making, and only I could undo it. The grassy meadows and still waters described in the Twenty-third Psalm awaited, but I had to choose to answer the invitation of the Good Shepherd".

Margaret goes on to share how she and her husband "committed to realigning their lives". They changed their work schedule, meal times, added exercise and they found themselves "more rested and fully present". Change doesn't happen over night and Margaret talks about swinging too far into extremes shortly after her new lifestyle change. That is very normal. When learning something new and life changing you can expect mistakes and extremes until you get the flow down. I think this can be applied to many areas of our lives.

 When I came across this chapter in the book I literally cheered. I applaud Margaret's transparency, I mean, it takes a lot to admit that you needed counseling. Hopefully, it will help expel the myth that counseling if only for people who are really "messed up", or just for people who are going through a crisis. Finding a good counselor who can look into your life with neutrality is key. Why not be proactive and go ahead and dig into those issues that you see appearing and reappearing in your life over and over and work on that so that you can be the best that you can be.

 You can rest all you want, have snippets of down time, do things for yourself, but without proper boundaries you will always be emptying your emotional bank before it can get filled. As difficult as it is to learn and implement boundaries, you have to figure out your world, your circle, and what fits in it and what doesn't in order to be the most whole, complete person you can be. THAT is why it is so important in the total art of self-care.

I hope today you can start working on your boundaries...I don't know ANYONE who couldn't benefit from further exploration in this area. And that includes ME!!!!


I am meditating on this passage of scripture this week:

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even more fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

Psalm 19:7-11

The Lord gave laws as boundaries. Boundaries are important to God. He has put them there for our own good. To keep us whole. To keep us healthy. But we have to choose to follow him and his laws. I don't know about you but I want the above!! Doesn't mean everything goes your way, but you take responsibility for what is yours and leave the rest to God. You can trust him. He created boundaries for our good.

Have a blessed week!!!

MInd and Body, It's All Connected....

What do you think of when you read the above title?

Last week I began with an introduction to women taking care of themselves. I don't know any female client that I see that we don't go over self-care and how they keep balance in this insane, sometimes chaotic whirlwind we call LIFE. There is enough research that shows that stress inside the body comes out in various, unhealthy ways if we do not learn how to manage it.

Self-care is the art of nurturing yourself. Taking care of not only your body, but also your mind. It goes way deeper than that, but today I want to talk about the importance of how your mind plays a huge role in how you feel about yourself, how you respond to stress and ways that you can start improving how you look at yourself and how you look at life.

This is why self-care is more than just scheduling time for yourself, or finding an extra-curricular activity you enjoy. It's the total package. And scheduling time for yourself is an important part of taking care of yourself, but it's a whole lot easier to do those things when you truly believe that you are worth it. See how the mind plays a role in that?


If you start with the inside, it will be easier to put into habit the wonderful extraneous stuff that also feeds your soul, such as that regularly scheduled massage. But a lot of good it will do to feed your soul by getting a massage, taking a bubble bath or getting a manicure if you still think negative things about why you are doing them. Or if you feel guilt or shame for carving out time for yourself (which is just another form of negativity) and "stinking thinking", which I will go into in a moment.

First, the mind....

I did a quick search on bible passages (and I mean quick) and found over 37 verses about renewing our mind.. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Romans 12:1-2 ESV  

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV    

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

I don't know about you, but it is very easy for me to get stuck in "stinking thinking". And a healthy person can see that pattern and generally turn it around. Sometimes, life events happen that make it very difficult to pull ourselves out of negative thinking. If you struggle with depression or even anxiety, your mind is often not filled with good things. This is also known as the "critical self".

Oh yeah, we are our own worst enemy.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

Women who know how to nurture themselves generally don't have a habit of negative thinking. She is able to reason within her heart what is good and what is bad (Philippians 4:8). It doesn't mean she doesn't ever have a negative thought or wallow in a bad mood now and then. But overall, a woman who knows how to take care of herself knows what she needs, gets those needs met appropriately, and renews her mind on. good. things.

So how do I renew my mind?

The best place to start is just to be aware of how you think. Don't try and change anything, but maybe keep a journal for a week or two about what you are thinking about each day. For people with severe depression and anxiety, therapists often get them to complete a "mood chart" each day. A client recently informed me that there is actually an app for your smart phone you can add that will track your daily mood. Yep. They have an app for that! HERE is a link for more info on that app, appropriately titled, "Moody Me".

Once we see how we are thinking then we can work on changing it. It is amazing once women start doing this they can see how much "stinking thinking" they have allowed in. Poor communication, making assumptions, all or nothing thinking....all of these types of thinking (and lots more) affect our mood, our stress levels and ultimately, our interactions with others in a negative way.

There is an awesome book by David D. Burns, MD that you can get HERE called The Feeling Good Handbook. It. Is. Amazing. And it can go much further in depth than I can with teaching you how to renew your mind (and improve your mood, communication and interactions with others).

We are not done with talking about the mind, but that is all for today. Your homework this week, if you choose to accept it...is to keep a journal of your thoughts, your moods, and how that played a role in how you interacted with others. Put it all in there, the good , bad and the ugly. You are the only one that is going to be looking at it. If you find a lot of negative stuff in there, then get Dr. Burns book. And tune in here next time as we go further with mindfulness and the role it plays in taking care of YOU!!!

It starts in the mind.

Have a great week!!!

Mommy Needs a Time Out, Too!

As a therapist, whenever I see a female client we generally always get around to how she takes care of herself. Most of the time, the female client has a really hard time explaining how she goes about taking care of herself. I'm not saying every woman that I have seen in counseling is lacking in this area, but it came to my attention pretty quickly that when women present to a therapist with depressive symptoms, weight gain, anxiety, among other issues, typically, self-care is lacking or non-existent.

I wanted to take a few weeks and really take the time to educate people out there about self-care and how important it is in this crazy life we are living. I mean, lets face it, unless you are Amish, living on a farm somewhere secluded, with no accessibility to electronic devices, we all share similar life stressors. We all go through life stages. Sometimes those stages are wonderful and fun and fulfilling. Other times, they are depressing, overwhelming and emotionally draining.

Our ability to sustain and take care of ourselves (and others) will have a huge impact on how we recover when life throws us those curve balls. Sometimes the curve balls keep coming. Sometimes we think the worst has happened and we find ourselves empty, void, and depressed. Unable to fight back any longer. Unable to spring back, revitalized, yet again. We are done. Finished.

So how do we prepare ourselves for life's ups and downs?

Simply put, we have to take the time to care for ourselves even when we think we don't have the time. You can ignore your body, you can ignore the depressive symptoms, you can deny being spiritually, physically and emotionally drained...you can ignore these symptoms, for a time. But the body has a funny way of letting you know when it's had enough.For some this is physical symptoms such as intestinal issues, inflammation, heartburn and anxiety attacks. These are signals our body is giving us that we need to slow down and take better care of ourselves. For others, it leads to more serious symptoms, some people are hospitalized. Some people are near nervous breakdowns. It doesn't have to get to that point, it shouldn't take hospitalization in order for us to take notice of what we are doing to our body (and our soul and our spirit).

If there is anything I could teach women it would be the art of self-care. So, that is what I am going to set out to do in the next few posts and weeks. Break it down. Educate. Empower.

First things first. What is self-care? And what is it NOT?

Next time we will look in depth at exactly what self-care is, the definition and what it is not.

Here is a hint. As wonderful as taking a hot bubble bath is and making time to go get a mani/pedi can be stress relieving, or having a girls night out every now and then can increase bond with others; true self-care comes from inner values of what we find important. Knowing who we are. Our purpose, and why we are here.

It is a process of nurturing ourselves over the long run, not just a quick fix it like taking a hot bath or reading a favorite book. Granted, those should be incorporated into our lives. They are healthy. They are important.

But there is much, much more to it than that.

I leave you with a question: What is self-care to you?


Can't wait to dig into this with you guys!!!!

Three Reminders I Need to Equip Me to Effectively Parent My Seven Year Old

Today is the day.   For some reason my boy turning seven this year has affected me more emotionally than usual. So, I started reflecting on why?? I mean, I not only felt sadness, but a little anxiety. It was almost like it hit me that my husband and I are truly in charge of raising this little human being and this human being is not so little anymore.

This is a different developmental phase we are entering. Things are changing, and well, things are about to get more and more complicated. This is a time of greater independence and I think what hit me was, Greg and I are going be seeing more and more the results of some of our parenting. Our pouring into Carter. And... what if it doesn't turn out well?? Eek!!! (I mean, come on, do you NOT ever wonder what if?????)

So, these are somethings I have had to remind myself of this week as I processed moving to a different developmental stage.

1) Even though I may not see the influence that Greg and I have on Carter every day, there are days when we see it and it confirms that we are doing something right.

Some days with Carter are hard and challenging. Some days are wonderful. Some days I want to give up. But, every once in a while, OK, quite often, I see how Greg and I are influencing him in a positive way. The problem is we tend to focus more on the problems rather than the successes. It is so much easier to freak out over a minor behavioral issues rather than the big picture. It is also easier to focus on the negative rather than the positive. Believe me, I can teach parents all day long to focus on positives to reinforce the positives, but when it comes to day to day life with MY child it's harder than it appears.

So this year I am reminding myself to see the positive

2) Teaching my kids to act right and have good manners and social skills takes time, energy and a lot of patience.

Let's face it. We all want perfect children, right? I mean we would never say that, but get in public with others and you want your child to act perfect, because it reflects how good a job at parenting we are doing. Wait. Did I just say that? Yes, I did. I often lose my patience more in public than in private because I have this high expectation on my kids to reflect me in a good light. That is wrong. It is prideful. And I have learned I will always leave that situation with egg on my face and heart full of regret.

If I am not consistent in teaching my kids how to act on a regular basis, why do I think they are magically going to have those skills when we are in public. Now more than ever, I have to take advantage of every situation to make it into a learning situation. Having a dialogue as to why we don't do that but do this. Carter is only going to become more independent.  And if my child does not act how I want him to act remember he's a kid, and he's not supposed to be perfect and this is how he learns.

I could go on and on about this, but I will save that for a separate post.

So this year I am reminding myself to remember that every moment can be a teachable moment.


3) Carter is going to fail. He's going to mess up. He might not always make the best decisions, but this is critical to how he will learn to make better decisions.

Developmentally, 7-9 year old years means we are entering a time of more independence and your child wanting to make more decisions about his day to day life. There is a fine line that parents walk during this time. Some parents don't want there kids to be hurt, fail, or make mistakes. Therefore, they go rescue them whenever they see a potential "train wreck". This is  commonly referred to as "helicopter" parenting. And we all have a little bit of that in us and that's okay. But when we as parents continually protect, control, and ultimately make decisions for our children based on keeping them safe, we are crippling them and their ability to be independent one day.

I admit this is hard. I have felt it. I have to remind myself to butt out!

Let me give you a couple of examples:

When Carter comes home complaining that his friends were mean to him ALL DAY, didn't play with him, didn't sit with him, etc. I don't pick up the phone or get online and try to fix or figure out what happened and was my child mistreated. I just try to understand his feelings and empathize with him on how bad that particular day must have been for him and help him see what he could do differently next time.

 If your kid has a really bad, difficult teacher, teach your child to respect those in authority no matter what. They can't quit something because they are not getting along with someone. Same with a coach, Sunday school teacher, etc. Any adult your child has to interact with on a weekly basis. This is YOUR opportunity to teach your child how to get along with others and not quit. As hard as it is, allow your child to feel discomfort, to not always get his way, and to teach him how to live with difficulty. Too many times we just want to rescue.

A great couple of books to read on this is

Parenting Is Heart Work

Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants

It's a lot easier to take over and "fix" the situation than to let your child suffer. We want to take over. When you feel this way, it is a great opportunity to stop and pray and ask for wisdom! This is when you have to see your kid unhappy, fail or even possibly get really hurt by others. This when parenting gets hard (er).

So this year I am reminding myself to be more of a "consultant" and less of a "helicopter"

I think this is where my anxiety was coming from. My little boy is growing up. I guess I just needed to remind myself, again, that I am already equipped, through Christ to do this. I'm not going to be perfect, I don't have to be perfect AND neither does Carter. We both need grace, prayer, consistency and lots and lots of hugs for when life gets hard. And the reality is, it's going to get harder.

But, I still have time. We can do this. We are equipped to do this. And as scary and anxiety provoking as it can be, it's really cool seeing this little human being becoming his own.

I love you Carter.

Happy New Year!!!

I hope everyone had a blessed, safe and non-eventful New Years Eve!!!

We stayed home and had a very low key (boring) evening. Got the boys in bed and attempted to stay up until midnight and almost made it. The in laws kept the boys for a few hours new years day and what did we do

We sat down and looked over our budget for the year and how to stay on that budget. We also set family goals, personal goals, business goals and ministry goals. Whew!

I have to say it was awesome though, it is something that we talk about a lot but have not followed through on. We want to be more organized and goal-oriented. I've been watching videos and downloading free e-books on the subject of de-cluttering and goal setting. But that part is easy. It's the follow through that is often the hardest part.

I'm hoping in the next few weeks to share some of my struggles and even some triumphs in this journey to get organized and de-clutter. I might even share a few of my more personal goals. We'll see.

The first thing I did today was "like" this page on facebook after a friend posted about de-cluttering her home in 2013 and posted this great calendar (that I have already printed off). Basically, you spend 15 minutes a day de-cluttering so by the time the end of the month/year you have actually accomplished a lot, rather than spending, say, four hours on a project then ignoring that part of your home again until it's all cluttered up again (ahem, guilty here). I also downloaded a free e-book on scheduling cleaning each day, something that intrigues me also. Anyway, you can get to her website from her facebook page and download everything I did. She asked that people not share her link, so if you go to this website, you will be able to find everything  I did.

So, what are some of your goals for 2013. I don't call them resolutions. Goals. Let me hear about them!!!!

Sadie's Celebration Service

I wanted to share Sadie Davis' Celebration of Life service will be live streamed tomorrow, December 27th, 2012. You do need an account to view the service. They recommend registering for the account today.

Click HERE to view the link to The Journey Church, where Sadie's service will be held tomorrow.

Click HERE to view Sadie's Caring Bridge page and read her whole story. You will also get a picture of Tim and Amber's strength and faith throughout this journey.

So heartbreaking. I'm thankful that God is close to the brokenhearted. I'm praying they feel that closeness like nothing else in the next few days, weeks and months.

Thanks!

A Christmas Tribute to Sadie

It's Christmas Eve and I have a couple of very excited kids! They even got to eat cookies for breakfast (I am sure I will regret that choice later). I have not wrapped ONE present. Not one, I know. It will make for a fun evening later. Thankfully, the gifts Santa leaves for the kids are not wrapped. Because why would Santa wrap presents. LOL.

This is a very bittersweet  this year. The Small Town Shootings. Some dear friends just lost their little girl to a 40 day battle with  leukemia. Her funeral will be a couple of days after Christmas. I cannot even imagine what they are feeling and going through and I won't even try, because there is no feeling I have felt that compares with the loss of a living, breathing child that had her whole life ahead of her. A 17 month old, blue-eyed, blond fiesty baby girl. Sadiebug.



I never had the opportunty to meet Sadie. Our families moved in different directions and different churches and to be honest, I am not particularly close to Amber or Tim. I've known Tim for 12 years and we used to be leaders in the singles department at church years ago. But, the last few we have kept up on facebook, like so many people do these days. So even though I never got to meet Sadie, I saw pictures of Amber being pregnant and complaining about the heat (second pregnancies are NOT fun anyway, but giving birth in July must be torture). Sadie was born and Amber is an awesome photographer and had so many great pictures of Eli, Sadie's big brother, and of course, of Sadie. Most of the time in an owl hat or big bow.

She was precious.

This is the verse Tim and Amber had dedicated to Sadie in her fight with Leukemia.

My prayer for Tim and Amber is that they still have HOPE. And I believe they do. In the midst of the worst we still have hope if we have faith. And Tim and Amber have faith. And I don't know why this has happened to them, but I know Sadie has touched so many lives through this event and for whatever reason, Sadie was meant to be here and touch those lives and she will touch more lives in her passing. And in that there is comfort and hope and peace. And knowing they will be reunited again. And comfort in knowing that Sadie is whole and healthy and enjoying heaven. Oh, beautiful girl. We know where you are and as painful as it is that you had to go through so much, the reassurance that you will not experience any more pain is comforting. 

I don't have any words of wisdom for Tim and Amber, and truly, it is not my place to give words of wisdom. What could I say that would truly be of comfort to them? Just a little advice if you have a situation where you have a grieving mother or father ( or anyone else for that matter) you don't have to say anything. You don't have to come up with even a bible verse. And please don't say "it was God's will" or "she's better off". Acknowledge that this is a horrible situation and that you are thinking, praying, crying with them in love. That's all any grieving person needs. They don't need words right now.

Tim and Amber have showed a strong faith throughout. But even with a strong faith, this has to be the most difficult thing they have gone through and in the weeks and months to follow I am sure they will feel many, many feelings. Some of them may not be so nice. Some of them may be anger. They need to know it's ok. And even if they feel mad at God at some point, it's okay. We have a God that is big enough to handle it. It's just part of the process of grief....feelings.

Thursday is Sadie's celebration of life. Her funeral. I will be there. I am sure I will see a lot of people I know and love. And I wish we were meeting and spending time together under different circumstances.

I am going to soak up every moment of this Christmas Eve with my healthy children. Tim and Amber and the Davis family reminds me yet again that life is a gift, as are children. My children are gifts. My husband is a gift. My prayer is that I don't hold onto them too tightly, because they aren't mine. God chose to bless me and give them to me as gifts. Life is short. Life is hard. But it is also very, very good. And everyday I make the choice to hold onto my kids or give them back to the Lord. Some days I don't do too well but it always goes better when I remember they aren't mine. they are gifts.

This year I am not only reflecting on Christ's birth and the wonderful gift that He was, but also the wonderful gift of children. And I am going to hold them tight.

If the Davis family comes to your mind during the next few days and even weeks, please keep them in your prayers. And remember to keep giving your gifts away, every day.



I'm Too Good In A Crisis

Sometimes I really hate being a therapist. I hate it because I spent the beginnings of my career in crisis work. I also worked as a school based therapist for three years. I have had multiple trainings in trauma, including a three day training specifically geared at being prepared for a traumatic/crisis event at a school.

What difference does this make? It makes me numb to trauma. I feel separated from it. I don't allow myself to get really involved. The good thing about that is I'm great in a crisis. I stay calm. I'm trained on how to provide on the spot counseling and assess someone who has been exposed to trauma. I'm all business where trauma is concerned. The bad part is, well, I don't feel a lot. I feel disconnected. Numb. My world doesn't get rocked a lot like everyone else when traumatic events happens. I felt more trauma when we had the flood in Tennessee a couple of years ago, and when we had a tornado hit our town. Of course, I was involved in that trauma, so, feeling that was a good, natural thing to feel.

So, when news of the tragic event in Connecticut started posting on Twitter on Friday, I wondered how bad it really was. Thankfully (I guess) I was away from the TV the entire day and didn't turn on the news until the evening. Even then, I limited it. I didn't watch the news. I didn't read articles on the Internet. It wouldn't change anything. I stayed off Facebook. I just really didn't NEED to be exposed to anymore trauma.


I was shocked. I was saddened, deeply, for the witnesses of the horrific crime, the families involved. And I thought how horrible it was for those babies and adults who died in such a sudden, traumatic way.

But, I didn't cry. I wish I could have. On facebook and Twitter everyone was crying and hugging their kids. Deeply moved by what had just happened and realizing the brevity of life. How fragile it is. So I spent the weekend wanting to feel more. To cry. To worry about my babies more. I don't know. I am honestly just numb. And I hate it.

Maybe I am still in shock. I mean my oldest is the age of those babies killed on Friday. How can that not break my heart? Bring me to tears. I guess because I know that it didn't happen to them and for that I am thankful and there is really no need to emotionally put yourself through that. I mean, it's one thing to be empathetic and to feel for the victims and their families but it doesn't do anything to put your baby at that event and imagining the loss, the grief and the trauma you would feel if, in fact, it did happen to your baby. In fact, it can be very emotionally damaging.

I also know that just because this event happened to children the same age as my own doesn't mean it's going to happen to mine. Another good thing about being trained for crises is that you know statistics. The possibility of this happening again in this specific way is highly unlikely.Anytime there is school violence you have to understand that there is variable that you cannot control....and that is the variable of a very unstable person. I hope through this event that this helps those in power understand better how to prevent these kinds of events. I hope that those who are mentally ill get the care and service and medications they need.

I don't have any of the answers and quite honestly, they are too overwhelming to even break down today. Because we are all still processing this event. We are still mourning. And I'm still trying to feel my way through it. So, I'm just going to pray and mourn. And let a little bit more of this in and feel and process this event as best I can.

The Inside Scoop on Wonderstruck!

My friend, Margaret Feinberg [www.margaretfeinberg.com], has a new book and 7-session DVD Bible study called Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God [www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck] (releasing Christmas Day)—a personal invitation for you to toss back the covers, climb out of bed, and drink in the fullness of life. To learn more, watch the Wonderstruck Video HERE 

As you may or may not know, I’ve been a fan of Margaret Feinberg and her books for the last few years. I first fell in love with Margaret's style for teaching when she came to my church for a women's event. She was fresh, young and spoke from the Bible in a way I hadn't heard before. I bought several books and especially enjoyed The Sacred Echo. Let's face it, Margaret had me on the first page when she wrote : "I've never been a good pray-er". Yep. I could relate.

So, when I was given the opportunity to be a part of this book release "party mob" I jumped on it!!! I would love to be able to have an indepth convo with Margaret over coffee one day, but for now this brief interview will have to do!!!

I recently received the insider’s scoop about Margaret’s new book. Here are some highlights from the interview:

Where did the inspiration for the Wonderstruck book and Bible study come from?

Have you ever had one of those seasons where everything goes wrong, and when you think it can’t get worse, it somehow finds a way? Most people who have worked in ministry have experienced those seasons—some may be in one right now.

My husband, Leif, and I had just gone through one of the roughest years of our lives. In the aftermath, as we processed the pain and loss, I had an unexplainable desire in my heart. I began praying for the wonder of God. In essence, I said, “God reveal yourself, your whole self to me. I want to know you as Wonderful. I want to know you as I’ve never known you before and see you in places I’ve never recognized you before.”

God did not disappoint.


Why are you calling people to live #wonderstruck?

If you look in the Gospels, what you’ll discover is that those who encountered Jesus were constantly left in wild amazement. They were awestruck by the teachings of Christ, the healings of Christ, the mind-bending miracles of Christ. Within the Gospel of Luke we see words like “awe” and “wonder” and “marvel” at every turn. If this is the natural response to encountering Christ, how much more should it be for you and I—who are invited to live in relationship with Christ as sons and daughters of our God Most High? We even created a free PDF that looks at some of these Scriptures. For a free copy, email us at wonderstruck@margaretfeinberg.com and we’ll send you one.

Follow Margaret’s snarky, funny, and inspirational posts on Twitter [www.twitter.com/mafeinberg], Facebook [www.facebook.com/margaretfeinberg], or her blog [www.margaretfeinberg.com]. You can learn more about this great book by visiting www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck where she’s offering some crazy promos right now with up to $300 of free stuff. I’ve seen the book for as low as $7.57 ($14.99 retail) on Barnes & Noble [http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/wonder-struck-margaret-feinberg/1110904808?ean=9781617950889] for all you savvy shoppers.

Thank you, Margaret!!! I am so excited, my pre-ordered copy came the other day and I am thoroughly enjoying it!!!!!

God of Wonder

My friend, Margaret Feinberg has a new book and 7-session Bible Study called Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God [www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck] (releasing Christmas Day)—a personal invitation for you to toss back the covers, climb out of bed, and drink in the fullness of life. Wonderstruck [www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck] will help you:



• Recognize the presence of God in the midst of your routine

• Unearth extraordinary moments on ordinary days

• Develop a renewed passion for God

• Identify what’s holding you back in prayer

• Discover joy in knowing you’re wildly loved

To learn more, watch the Wonderstruck Video (it's AMAZING!) HERE! Seriously, this video made me more excited for this book and study!


So, where have you seen the wonder of God in your own life?

I have to say I have seen the wonder of God in my own life in my children. It may sound cliche, but life is fragile. It took a lot to get my two babies here, and I have three angels in heaven as a result of the journey my husband and I decided to keep taking after the first miscarriage. We have friends who are currently going through what I consider the worst nightmare as a mother, besides the death of a child, and that is your child going through a serious illness that may or may not lead to death. Cancer. Aggressive and with complications. Looking at my two kids and seeing that they are healthy and whole humbles me and reminds me I am truly blessed.

Sure, I may joke about my kids and how stressful life is, but I don't post enough at how much I look at them and sometimes tear up at the miracle that is my children. And then I start thinking about our amazing bodies that God created, the capability and the intricacy of creating and maintaining human life. Wow. And, sadly, I am all too familiar with when that body lets you down. But I have two miracles to look at. They are beautiful (yes, I am biased). They are funny. They look like us. I carried them and gave birth to them. God created me. He created man and women to share one of the most intimate experiences we can have on earth. And out of that love is created.

How can a person not wonder at that?

How can a person not wonder about the details of creation? I love reading Psalms and especially Job 38-41, specifically chapter 38 when the Lord answers Job. Talk about humbling.

This is how I stay plugged into the wonder of God. And to be quite honest, the more I live this life, the more I have to, need to, reflect on how BIG God really is. He is bigger than miscarriages. He is bigger than cancer. He is bigger than the box I put Him in over and over again. A box of rules and cultural how-tos. Being "obedient", being "holy". I just want to BE with God. I want to fall at His feet and know Him. Then trust Him enough to show me how to be obedient and holy.

That is the burden of my heart this upcoming year. And this book is the perfect way to get lost in wonder. Lord knows, I need it more than ever.


Follow Margaret’s snarky, funny, and inspirational posts on Twitter [www.twitter.com/mafeinberg], Facebook [www.facebook.com/margaretfeinberg], or her blog [www.margaretfeinberg.com]. You can learn more about this great book by visiting www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck where she’s offering some crazy promos right now with up to $300 of free stuff. I’ve seen the book for as low as $7.57 ($14.99 retail) on Barnes & Noble Click here for all you savvy shoppers.

So where have you seen the wonder of God in your life?

Three Benefits of Having kids with ADHD

There are some benefits to having a kid with ADHD. Too many times I get bogged down in the challenges so I wanted to take a lighter look at what's good about having ADHD.

#3. SHORT ATTENTION SPAN. Usually, having a short attention span works against a person with ADHD. But, in this instance having a short attention span is awesome. Take going to the zoo, or looking at exhibits at an aquarium or museum. I'm an adult, I've seen all this stuff before. Having a kid with ADHD is great because they are always moving onto the next great, big thing. So, if you are wanting to move things along on an outing take a kid with ADHD. He/She will keep you moving. I remember taking Carter to an aquarium when he was two. Wow. Talk about the speedy tour. Greg and I chuckled because we literally were on the move the entire time, and I'm talking hyper speed. The only thing that slowed him down was going through the tunnel with all the fish above us. Ok, you have to remember that I am also ADHD (inattentive type) so this #3 may only apply to people with ADHD. You might actually like spending hours at the zoo or at exhibits.


#2. I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO LEARN. Yep. I have a lot to learn and my ADHD son helps me learn that. I think kids in general help their parents become better parents because there are always challenges and obstacles and being a good parent means learning to be unselfish. And sometimes I'm not. I still have a lot to learn. Like patience. Having a kid with ADHD will help you have patience. One of the huge areas that I have to apply patience is in discussions with Carter. One answer is not sufficient, there is always a "why" follow-up. While I understand this is a sign of intelligence and it means he is learning, it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!  I mean how many explanations within an explanation within an explanation can one woman handle?? I CAN"T!!!! Whew. Sometimes I take a deep breath and explain. Other times, I let him know it is time for the quiet game. LOL. 


#1. LIFE IS NEVER DULL. (also refer back to #2) Greg and I enjoy peaceful moments at our house.  I mean we are both introverts, kinda quiet and we don't like a lot of noise. Yeah, we are still adjusting to that one. Ha! God's sense of humor in giving me not one, but TWO rowdy boys. One who has ADHD and the other one that does everything that his brother with ADHD does. To say that our house is lively is an understatement. Thankfully, the liveliness is usually laughter and fun and the crying and drama moments are few and far between. Fighting, well, that's a whole other topic....


So there you have it. My short list of benefits of having kids with ADHD (or having it yourself! Ha!) As many times as I feel I fail my children, there are 10 things that I have done things right, we just never tend to pay attention to those times. I really try and recognize the good and the bad and learn from both. I wish I was the perfect parent who always had control of her kids, who never internally fumed over what people were thinking of her and knew that I had it all together. I am secretly very envious of the woman standing in a long line while her kids stand quietly next to her, seemingly being able to entertain themselves and not make a peep. However, I identify more with the mom who has the kids running up and down the hallway and punching at Mr. Cow at Chick fil A (to be fair, Mr. Cow started it).

But, if I had it all together, if  that was the case, then I wouldn't need God. I wouldn't need grace. And I wouldn't need surrender and support. So, I choose to be thankful for ADHD and all the wonderful benefits it brings to our lives.

Vacation or Trip

We just got back from a lovely fall break vacation in Gulf Shores. my boys love the ocean, the beach and especially SAND! So we knew they would have a good time. And boy, they did. But it was exhausting.

I came back to work this week and during staff meeting one of the other counselors asked me if I had a "vacation" or a "trip"? And I was like, "what"?? He explained the difference to me as a vacation is where you don't take your children. And I said, "oh, we took a trip, definitely. LOL.

I guess family "trips" are really for the benefit of the kids. I mean, we made great memories last week. Memories I hope my kids will remember forever. We saw the Blue Angels practice, my 6 year old was blown away. Griffin is 3, so I don't know if he will remember much about the trip, but I know every time he visits the beach he falls more and more in love with it and that is something he will carry with him forever.

We definitely had our highs and lows. Thankfully, the lowest low was on Tuesday. We had been at the beach and was coming in. Carter was especially hyper, not listening to anything we were saying. There was a family behind us and they had the calmest three year old. Here my kids were acting like wild men and he just stood there holding on to the wagon he was helping dad bring up from the beach. Ugh. Why can't my kids act like that???? I can't even remember what happened on the way to the elevator but I remember being embarrassed. When the boys got in the elevator and started fighting over who was going to push the button, Greg and I both lost it. Poor Carter. He gets the brunt of our frustration. Griffin does everything his big brother does so we get hyperactivity times 2!!! At the worst time!!! Ugh! We raised our voices and grabbed Carter's arm to get his attention. I am not sure what else happened, all I know is I felt like a big, fat failure.

I really felt defeated the rest of the night. I got up the next day and was reflecting on the previous days events and saw where the breakdown occurred. We (or I) should have stopped our family while we were leaving the boardwalk after rinsing our feet off and before we got to the elevator. We were tired, Greg an I had our hands full so it was difficult keeping a hand on the boys. We all needed a time out. But we kept pressing on. Add to the pressure I allowed to feel by this family behind me (who had seemingly perfect acting kids) and THAT prompted more of my frustration than my kids behavior.

Let me explain that. I had a big PRIDE issue. I was wanting my kids to show everyone we were good parents by acting the right way. If my kids act appropriate in front of other people I am a success. If not, that means I am a bad parent. What if they judge me, or talk about me? Why can't I train my children? All the negative thinking comes in and whispers lies into my ears. It raises my blood pressure so I react by saying things loudly or speaking through clenched teeth. It's not pretty. And afterwards all I feel is shame.

Once I looked at the situation I realized where communication broke down. Why we were frustrated and what we should have done differently. Loosing my patience or raising my voice doesn't really help train my kids.

So, I started training them. What do you do when an elevator opens?? We wait and make sure no one is getting off. We talked about being polite, waiting and taking turns, etc. We learned to take turns pushing the button to the elevator. The rest of the week we practiced these things. I remembered that I have to go touch Carter on the shoulder to get his attention when I am giving him a task or wanting him to respond. We have to repeat, repeat and repeat again.

So I don't have the calmest kids. Maybe I am judged more than other parents (or am I?). I love it when my kids cooperate and follow through on tasks and directions. But the truth is, that doesn't make me any better of a parent than their acting out in public makes me a bad parent. It's just that sometimes kids cooperate. Sometimes they don't. My job is to take each situation and use it to train or apply consequences so that maybe the next time they will remember. It's not a reflection on me. It's just part of the job. And some days, well, the job goes smoothly and sometimes it doesn't.

At least that is what I keep trying to tell myself.

Getting back to our vacation or "trip", the rest of the week went way smoother and Wednesday was the best day of vacation EVER!!! When you have small kids  they aren't going to know how to act and certainly aren't going to act perfectly. What I hoped I learned from this is that each opportunity is a teaching opportunity and how I handle makes a difference in helping my kids learn how to behave.

Now to plan a VACATION, not a trip, for Greg and I! HA!!! Anyone want two kids for a long weekend???!!!! LOL!!!

Opening Up about ADHD

Yesterday was a rough day. We have been dealing with a diagnosis of ADHD for our oldest son for a few months now. He also has some sensory processing issues, especially with touch and hearing. And while I wholeheartedly agree with the diagnoses, sometimes I just don't feel up to the challenge of having a challenging kid. Yesterday was one of those days.

This morning I heard an interview about labeling children on the Today show. To see the interview, click HERE Needless to say, it grabbed my attention. While this interview discussed ADHD, among other diagnoses, the family presented in this interview has three kids, yes, THREE sons with ADHD. Yikes.

Anyway, the mom in the interview is very open about sharing her families struggles with ADHD. I have yet to be that open, mainly because I want to protect my son. It's my job. But, on the other hand, as others have told me that I have an audience (albeit small) that would benefit from sharing our family struggles with this disorder.

*sigh*

But I don't wanna. LOL. (that's my best 3 year old impersonation). I know it will be very healing and cathartic (and hopefully, sometimes, funny) it also opens my boy up for attention and judgement. It opens my husband and I open for attention and judgement. And I think we get enough of that anyway, why would I want to add to it?

But, I know in writing about our struggles it might help someone else, or that other person may feel less alone by reading our story.

I think we are pretty fortunate in that we have a diagnosis. That in and of itself helps. Because not having a diagnosis makes a parent feel like a failure a lot of the time. We asked, "what are we doing wrong?" Carter can be challenging behaviorally. I don't mind it so much, except when we are in public. Because, honestly, I feel it reflects negatively on me as a parent. Why?

Hello! I am a psychotherapist that specializes in, guess what? Children, adolescents and families. I cannot tell you how many kids I have dealt with that has had this diagnosis. It is really, really different being on the other side of it.

I mean, I teach parents how to be good parents or to increase their parenting skills. Imagine how discouraging it is when you are trying to teach your child and your child does not cooperate? Especially before a diagnosis. I felt like a failure, a lot. I felt confused. I felt discouraged. I felt like something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was.

Carter was in childcare part time since he was six months old. It wasn't until he was two that we first heard a teacher (very unprofessionally) use the term ADHD for him. I was extremely angry and handled the situation by talking with the Director of the program. Thankfully, it was the day before the end of the school year. He went that final day and we did not return in the fall.

The next year was equally challenging for Carter. He was in a more structured environment and honestly, I loved his teachers, but I think they expected too much out of three year olds. Even though they were awesome, Carter didn't get as many chances of positive reinforcement as I would have liked, and that includes from me as well as the teachers. I was told Carter had a very difficult time sitting still. I cried. I went to the pediatrician. The ped said he was too young to do anything about diagnosing him at that time.

During Pre-K Carter did great. He was at the same school. Each day I picked him up I held my breath. I kept asking his teacher how he was doing? How was his behavior? I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did. His teacher said he acted like a typical four year old. She had a hard time getting him to write, which for a boy is not unusual. And she said that if he didn't want to do something, he didn't do it (sounded familiar). My husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, maybe Carter was growing into becoming more mature and being able to control himself. He was by no doubt active and always had been, but it seemed that maybe those nagging feelings in the back of my mind about ADHD could be put to rest.

But during the second 9 weeks of Kindergarten he started having issues. Never anything behavioral, more affecting his academics. By the Spring of his Kindergarten year Carter had been diagnosed and was on meds. It made a dramatic difference in his ability to complete work and staying on task. We knew as painful as it was, we had made the right decision. We could see a huge difference ourselves, in how Carter behaved and how much more positive we could be with him.

Being on medication, however, does bring side effects. Yucky side effects. I don't like them. I don't like how it changes my kid's personality. We have lots more meltdowns now. He's moody. He has what appears to be anxiety, but who knows for sure. We have him in counseling twice a month because, as a therapist, I know kids with ADHD are more prone to depression and anxiety (and other lovely disorders that I'm not going to mention, like ODD). With counseling, he is able to learn about how to control his outbursts, anxiety, and how to self-sooth and calm himself. I was able to teach him some things, but it really is better coming from someone besides your mom.

My history is working with kids who are at-risk. Below poverty level, lack of parental supervision, lack of resources, etc. So, I know Carter is not exposed to those risks as those kids are. At-risk kids tend to have more of the severe disorders I mentioned above. I keep telling myself Carter has A LOT going for him. And he does.

Socially, he has always been able to make and keep friends. It seems like everybody knows who Carter is at his school. They are always coming up to him and saying, "Hi, Carter". I'm not going to say he is popular, but, with a kid who has ADHD I would say he is doing pretty well in the social department. That is HUGE!!!! I hope it continues to be positive.

Carter is funny, smart, creative, loving and very, very caring. He has a lot more attributes but these stand out the most.

Of course, Greg and I do all that we can to help Carter and figure him out and I spend alot of times on my knees praying that Carter is able to be all that he can be. That God would use him and this diagnosis for His glory.

You know, I would like to say that since I am a therapist that I am the PERFECT mom to have a kid with ADHD. Well, I am the perfect mom for Carter, but I am very imperfect. I lose my temper. Sometimes I raise my voice. I get overwhelmed. Frustrated. Exhausted. Sometimes I am not very loving, patient or kind to Carter, especially when he is very hyper. I hate it when I lose it in public. Lately, that seems to be happening while I am trying to check in both boys at church. LOL. Talk about humbling. I had to go the the Chidlren's minister a few weeks ago and apologize one Wednesday night because I was so frustrated with my boys that I took it out on the check-in people at church. I'm pretty open about my shortcomings. I am thankful for grace and hoping that I am also making improvements along the way.

Anyway, here we are. I hope to write more openly about this now. And I hope to protect Carter. I want to do both. I need to do both.

If you are a parent dealing with a difficult, challenging kid and don't know what to do and feel like you are at the end your rope, go talk to a therapist and see if an evaluation is necessary. Believe me, they are not going to diagnose your kids unless they need to be diagnosed. They are trained . They are professional. You have options. You have choices. We went the medication route. You don't have to. But sometimes having answers and interventions can make a huge difference. I can tell you having a diagnosis helps me to feel like not so much of a failure. And to know that while Carter is challenging, we have interventions. We just have to work harder. And that's okay because he is worth it.

More to come....thanks for listening.

Push to Prayer???

My six year old doesn't like to pray. At all.

He doesn't mind if you pray and he will ask us to pray for him, but he doesn't want to pray. I think it has more to do with praying out loud and us listening rather than him not really wanting to talk to God. But as a parent it kind of makes you feel like a Christian failure when your kid doesn't want to do "godly" things...I mean we are battling for his soul, right?

There are lots of things in my six year olds life that tells me that he has an ongoing relationship with God. He has not made a decision to ask Jesus into his life, but he is moving towards that decision. How can we tell?

Well, he asks questions. He asks a lot of questions. He wants to know about God. How did God get here? why is God so big? Where is heaven?  What is baptism? I could go on and on here. He repeats God's truths that he has learned from our conversations and from what he has learned in church. He did this the other day when talking about God being invisible, and that even though we don't see him He is real.  He LOVES singing and music. Pretty much all that we listen to affirms his relationship with God and doesn't take away from it.

So, my pride as a parent takes a beating when we ask Carter to pray and he refuses. We have learned not to push it ( he loves doing the opposite of what you want him to do...). But I know we could do a better job being that example. I know we haven't "failed" him in some way, even though I do admit to fearing that he we have done something wrong or that is we had done something different he would be a praying fool (LOL).

But what I have to keep in perspective is that Carter is working out his relationship with God and even though I wish he would eagerly pray at dinner time and bedtime, the most important thing is that we are living our relationship with Jesus in front of him and that one day, when he is ready, he will commit his life to Christ. It's my job to pray for him, be an example to him (that means me praying more in front of Carter) and educating him on who God is and why we talk to Him.

And when Carter is ready, he will move toward Christ. I would much rather Christ have Carter's heart than Carter just having actions that look like he has Christ when he hasn't really chosen a personal relationship. I would take that any day over hearing him pray a cute prayer over dinner. Period.

Social Media and kids...

I found this article on facebook and was told feel free to share. I thought I would pass this on to parents. I've spoken a little bit about social media and kids, and passed on just a few articles. Even though my kids are still too young to be on social media, my six year old knows what facebook is and asks me to contact his best friend's mom via facebook to pass a message on to his friend. AND he also knows how to text and if we aren't careful will text grandma and grandpa, papa, aunts and of course...his best friend's mom (it doesn't help that I have his best friend's name in the contact. LOL.

Needless to say, this is a serious subject and one not to be taken too lightly. Access to Internet at any age need to be well monitored by parents. Just because you have a great kid and you trust them, doesn't mean they are ready to have their own laptop or even an iPhone.....even if "everyone" else does.

Stay strong parents!!!! Follow your gut. Protect your children!! It's your job.

Here is a link to the article

12 THINGS STUDENTS SHOULD NOT DO ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Hope you are having a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great Article

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

I just saw this on Pinterest and wanted to check it out. It is from Parenting magazine online and these seven rules are actually very simple, practical and awesome.

I was very happy to see #3 on here because I say this all the time, although I learned it from one of my son's preschool teachers, originally. I also love the rule about boredom...my 6 year old has discovered the "i'm bored" phrase and I am excited to use it on him the next time!!

Here is the link to the article! Click HERE!

Ode to Single Parents

Greg has been out of town all week and every time he has an extended trip away my mind wanders to single parents. I mean, I have two small kids at home for three days by myself and I think I am going to die without the help of my very helpful husband.

After three days, maybe two...I am exhausted. The bedtime routine itself can be exhausting with two adults in the house, but being in charge of two very busy boys 24/7....WHEW!!!

In reality, single parents pretty much do the parenting things 24/7 without any support from another spouse EVER.

Of course there are breaks (sometimes). Of course friends and family pitch in, I'm sure (sometimes). But some families have no support. They don't get a break. They are it.

I cannot fathom being not only the sole caregiver but the  sole provider for my two boys. The thought overwhelms me.

I am extremely thankful for a husband who provides and a husband who helps.

This week think about your single parent friends and send them a note of encouragement.

Take them to dinner or take them dinner.

Offer some babysitting so they get a much earned and deserved break!

I know they would greatly appreciate it!

And don't forget to thank that helpful spouse.....they deserve encouragement, too!!!

Road Trips and Memories!

We have been on the road, it seems, ALL summer. We have been to Florida with the boys, to Alabama, Chattanooga, Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge (although that was during Spring break so it doesn't really count toward summer).

My sister and I were having a discussion this weekend, in Alabama, at her house, yet another road trip with the boys. We were reminicing about the good 'ol days (whatever they were) when we didn't have all the safety restrictions we have today. And the pros and cons of each.

When I was younger, we traveled long distances in the middle of the night, not unlike parents do today. The only thing is we were in a station wagon and the back of the car was made out into a bed. We slept most of the way without the hindrances of car seats and seat belts. LOL. Ah, those were the days.

We didn't have DVD players, or any other electronic devices to keep us busy. No, we had road travel games, you know "find the white car" or "the person who can see the most out of state license tags", etc.

But, lets just be honest. What we did best on road trips was aggravate each other. Ah, now that was where the real fun began. The hitting, sitting on, sitting too close, getting each other in trouble...my sister and I were discussing this weekend why we had a few purses thrown at us from the front seat. Ahem, sorry mom. I completely understand now.

Getting back to road trips. It seemed we always had to pee when there weren't any exits in sight and we had to pee....like, RIGHT NOW. Who hasn't pulled over the side of the road to relieve themselves on a road trip, whether you are a boy or girl? I know I did.

Last night, coming home from my sisters, Carter had a potty emergency. Let me tell you something about Carter. Carter, for whatever reason, holds his pee. I mean, the boy can hold it for 12 hours. We are not sure why, but needless to say, bed wetting has never been an issue. If you stop at an exit and he doesn't want to pee, he will not pee. I think we scarred him during potty training, something about having control. LOL. But, he goes when he has to go. Period. Maybe that is a parenting failure, but I chock it up to choosing your arguments. I let it go.

Last night we were almost home and had to take an alternate route because the interstate was closed downtown. We are getting off the interstate and Carter cries out he has to pee. I mean, he sounded like he was in pain. It was urgent,  I could tell. There was no thinking about the next exit, unless we wanted a serious potty accident in the car. We had to pull over. Right there.

Carter was being initiated into the peeing-on-the-side-of-the-road trip memory.

Now this would have just been an ordinary experience, something to smile about in passing when discussing our summer activities, except the alternate route we were taking was right next to the airport.

I no sooner had Carter settled and he was relieving himself that I heard this huge jet take off. I looked up and told Carter to look up. It flew right over us, it was still very low because it had just taken off. It was amazing. I smiled at Greg because I knew this would be a memory. Something Carter would never forget. The roar of the engine. The lights. The speed. All within a few hundred thousand feet from him.....while he was peeing, of course. We can't forget about the pee.



Carter loves airplanes. He is obsessed with space and everything in it, and that includes airplanes. That is the closest he has been to one taking off or landing. It was like the coolest thing ever. He let out this huge, "wwwhoaaaaaaaoooowwww".

I helped Carter back in the car and listened to he and Greg talk about the plane and how big and close it was and how loud it was. Greg and I just smiled at each other. I loved it. And we would have missed it, if Carter wasn't so good at holding his pee.

I guess you just have to look at it from the positive perspective. Or at least try. :-)

Road trips. There's nothing like them for building memories.

Thanks!!!!

THANK YOU!!

For everyone who commented, here and on facebook about my post yesterday. The funny thing is, I didn't set out to write that particular post. It just happened. No planning, didn't think about it in advance, I just started writing.

Obviously, I need to do more of that. I do hold so many things in, longer than I should. I do love writing the things that take planning, the humorous things, the catchy posts. And I am glad people enjoy them. I enjoy them. I like being creative and seeing it pay off.

But the thing that I come back to time and time again, and it's why I feel the Lord told me to write this blog, and create Reflections of a Mom is to be transparent and real. I don't know about humble, I kind of stink at that, but I try.

I don't know why we don't share our struggles more openly. Yes, it is always risky, but I have found that with true, authentic relationship, it doesn't matter. People aren't going to judge.

Yes, it has been a difficult summer, but it has been an awesome summer too. Seeing Carter thrive at swim lessons. Watching Griffin become a big boy and developing into a little man (it melts my heart to hear him talk). To see Carter reading books. It is amazing to me how smart he is (I am saying that humbly, really! LOL).

And come August I will have a first grader and a pre-schooler. As trying as this summer has been, for many reasons, it has been a wonderful time with friends and family and there is always fun to look forward to.

I hope you guys have a great weekend!!!!

Stay Sane!!!!! :)

The Summer of my Discontent

This has been a really hard summer for me. . I have been struggling with some deep life issues and questions. I have not been questioning my faith or my belief system (been there, done that, settled it) but just the more gray areas in life. Plus, the culture of Christianity can really get on my nerves, even though I am guilty of using all the cliches and pat answers myself. So, I am calling the kettle black, don't get me wrong.

Also, Summer with my kids just about does me in. I wish I could say that I love all my time with my babies, and in reality, I do. It's just both of them together can drive me crazy!


But struggling with deeper issues, struggling with a kid with a new ADHD diagnosis, struggling with my weight and (honestly) my self-esteem which seems to be connected to my weight, ...well, my summer has been a struggle. Mentally and emotionally. And physically.

I finally got over myself. LOL.Yes, this has been a difficult summer. We are still reeling from a diagnosis of our oldest son with ADHD. Dealing with medications, structure, meltdowns and behaviors. Working, albeit partime, in a very mentally draining job, juggling home life, work life and church life along with family life....my parents are getting older and going through their own sets of life issues. It can all be overwhelming.

And the thing that I do best is attack myself. I get unhappy and focus on things in a negative way. Somehow this temporarily and dyfunctinally takes the attention off all the other things going on. It doesn't solve anything. I start tearing myself down. I allow Satan to tell me lies. I get very discontent. Crazy, huh?

Yep. I realized a lot of things recently. And I am still working on them. I don't have to get into all that on here. But the long and short of it is, I am enough. I am beautiful, just the way I am. I want to be healthy, not thin. I want to take care of myself the best way that I can....emotionally, physically and mentally. And some things have to change.

More importantly, God has got this. Dealing with my stress in this dysfunctional way never works. Ha! Newsflash. You would think I would figure that out by now. But, he's got the ADHD (well, not literally :) ), he's got the struggle. He's got our finances. He's got it. He's got everything. It's time I give it over to him so He can really take care of it instead of just wallowing in my own misery.

I have kind of been in an abyss lately. I am sure you know what I am talking about. You are functioning but not really. You make it through the day, but wonder what it was all about. Some people call this depression. I just call it being overwhelmed and having to walk through a difficult time. It's not pretty. It's not usually what people want to hear about. They want to hear that you are fine. But it is what is. And I have been in this abyss.

But, it's time to come out of the abyss. It's time to love myself the way the Lord loves me and love my body the way my husband loves my body (which I really just don't get). Obviously, these two beings, one holy, omnipotent and has been around when there was nothing around and the other, a fallible, lowly human who love ME see something that  I don't.

It's time to release the anxiety, the fear, the depression, the doubts, everything. We are going to have challenges in this life. Thank GOD, HE has overcome them. Already. Done. (John 16:33).

And the truth is, change isn't going to happen for me until I just accept who I am, where I am in this moment and love on myself a little bit instead of staring at how big my butt looks in the mirror. Ugh.

The same is true for raising children, dealing with the economy, life issues, extended family issues...I mean, really. I could go on and on. Then I would find myself in the abyss again...so.

Today. I am choosing to do this.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Phil 4:8.

It doesn't really change this life or what is going on in this life, the ups and downs. It just makes them bearable and breathable. NO abyss. Just smooth sailing. Because even in the ups and downs, the storms and the struggles, God's love, consistency and truth does not change.

And that, well, that is the meaning of contentment.