Yes, and I am tearing up about it.
Greg and I are starting to transition Carter to a big boy bed. He can climb out of his crib now, so that kind of constitutes change. We also have lots of potty training books and DVD's. Carter talks about the potty incessantly. He takes his diaper off when he has too much pee in it...and sometimes he takes it off when he poo's. Yeah, those are great moments of discovering your naked child talking about the potty and poop laying all over the floor...good times. But, that just means he is getting ready to be potty trained. Another milestone. Another change.
Speaking of change, I don't like it.
We are moving Carter to a new mothers-day-out program. We do this very hesitantly but it was necessary as I have a meeting I go to every Wednesday afternoon and I have been paying a sitter to watch Carter so I can go. So, we needed a Mothers-day-out program that meets on Wednesday.
I didn't realize how hard this would be. His old program is at our church and we know all the people there. It is great and very familiar to us. This new place, which is also a church, is new. I don't know anyone there and it is a little scary. It is change.
Another part of change is leaving friends. Carter has a little friend Jacob. He asks for him. He loves playing with him and they always have a good time. It is exhausting watching them play together. What a bundle of energy. It gives you a clue what twin boys would be like. Whew!!!!
So anyway, it breaks my heart that Carter is leaving his first little buddy, who also goes to our old MDO program. I have never felt my heart break over something like that.
Then it got me thinking. All the hurdles that Carter is going to face. The disappointments. The trails. I am going to have to let him go through them. There are some parents who scoop their children up to save them from pain, but you are not really doing a service to them when you do that. How painful is it going to be when Carter feels his first rejection? His first betrayal? What if he struggles in school, or in a particular subject?
Who cares about his first broken bone or which college he gets into? What about unrequited love? Or the cruel remarks of stupid junior high kids, which we all know are the cruelest kids in the world.
I will be there for him through all of that but he is the one who is going to have to learn to persevere, otherwise, he will learn nothing.
But the pain a mom and dad feels when their child is going through some of the things mentioned above must be SO hard and difficult. I am not looking forward to those moments. I am having a hard enough time with him "losing" his little buddy at two and a half!!! Yikes!
But they will be teaching moments. And learning moments. And he will grow. He will learn and turn into this wonderful grown up person because of it. And, I will have had a small (OK, big) part in that. But the Lord will receive ALL the glory because if I am any kind of accomplished parent it is due to the love and the grace of God, who found favor on me and believed in my abilities enough to bless me with this gift. The gift of motherhood. He knows that we can do it, through HIM.
So, for that, it is worth it. It is worth opening your heart up more than you ever imagined, even more than the love of a spouse (it's just different, you know).
The expression is true, a mother really knows what it is like to wear her heart forever on her sleeve. So true.