Guess It's time to update....

We have big news to share. Of course, I think everyone knows it already but in case you don't...

Baby at 10 weeks (sorry it's a little blurry)

Greg and I are EXPECTING!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby is due May 1, 2009 and I am officially out of the first trimester.

We are very excited. I was very guarded the first trimester so it still doesn't seem real to me. Even though I have had three Ultrasounds and have heard the heartbeat on the doppler. I am still cautious and a little anxious but I really don't know when that will subside. I was the same was with Carter. I am sure as I grow and feel the baby moving around it will feel more real, like it is really going to happen this time.

People keep asking me if I am excited, and other very common questions. I am excited to a certain extent but still feel very cautious. When people talk openly about the baby I get a little nervous like we are going to jinx it. Like all the "what ifs" keep coming to mind. I am definitely guarded. I guess it is to be expected. I just don't want the other shoe to drop.

But there are many happy days ahead. I am not sick anymore although I still get tired very easily. And I am sure in a few weeks I will "pop" and all of this will seem more real. Until then, I will just keep listening to that heartbeat and keep repeating to myself. "this is real". this is real"!

Here is Carter in his "I'm Going to be a BIG BROTHER" shirt.

It's been a rough week!

Carter fell last week while Greg was holding him and fell onto some hardwood flooring at my inlaws. Carter decided to use Greg's chest as leverage with his feet to wiggle out of Greg's arms. It was a horrible thing to see. It happened so fast and there he was.

I really don't want to go over the whole ordeal again. We have had to tell so many people (most of them doctors) what happened.

We thought Carter just had a broken collar bone until Saturday morning when we felt this soft spot on his head. We rushed him to the pediatrician, all the while, Carter was clueless that anything was wrong. The Ped said we could wait until Monday to go to Outpatient Xray at Vandy Children's Hospital. He said he could possibly have a skull fracture.

I really didn't worry about it too much over the weekend. It has been 4 days since his accident and he was acting completely normal for a busy, active two year old. So, I was very, very surprised when the xray turned into a CT scan and then we were told that Carter had a epidural hemorrhage in his brain, albeit small (that really doesn't make much difference to a mom to hear, that there is blood in your child's brain, but it is "small").

We were then escorted the the ER to be seen by a Neurosurgeon. He would review the CT scan and then tell us the plan. It was horrible, horrible. I was calling everybody. The tears were flowing, the "what ifs" were gaining grown in my brain. Then, I just became kind of numb. I think I had about as much as I could stand.

The long story short though, is that Carter is fine. I don't want to rehash all the details, again. But the Neurosurgeon said that what the CT scan showed was that the bleed was consistent with the fall. It was not new blood. We have to go back in 4 weeks for another xray to make sure his cracked skull is healing. My baby has a cracked skull. sniff sniff

It is interesting going into an ER (we have been in 2 different ones the past week) with a child that has an injury, or a trauma caused by a fall. They have to do their job and part of their job is to look for inconsistencies in the parent's stories. You know why? Because some parents beat there kids.

So, as a parent in an ER, we are all on level playing ground. Those doctors don't know me or my husband or how this patient really got hurt...until all the evidence is in.

We got the third degree at Vandy. Just because we were coming in 5 days after an accident with what could have been a new bleed or a new injury. Seemed a little suspicious I guess until they got all their information. But, I knew we were "under suspicion" when they ordered a full body xray of Carter. Yep, every single part of his body had to be xrayed.

Now, I have been a social worker in an ER so when the attending left and then someone from xray came in and then when I asked what was being xrayed and they told me, a head to toe xray, I knew. They were gathering information to make sure our baby didn't have other injuries, or old injuries. Old injuries that have not been treated will invariably prove signs of abuse.

So, I had a little too much information in my noggin to know what they were doing. Greg even knew after the attending left because he said, "that guy was asking a lot of weird questions". And he was.

But, you know, what I told Greg was they are doing their job, and thank goodness they do. Cause there are parents out there that abuse their kids. And they look just like us. They are rich, poor, prominent or from the projects. Abuse knows no socio-economic status. It does put a person on edge, especially coming from the background in social work and working in an ER in the past. Until we were "cleared", it just added one more piece of stress to the puzzle. But, I knew, as I told others on the phone, we haven't done anything wrong and that will show itself. And it did.

So, they were doing their job. Gathering data. And thankfully, like we knew it would, the evidence showed that Carter's head injury was consistent with the fall.

In fast, that is the exact words the resident used when he discharged us. "The head injury is consistent with the fall."

I don't know why I felt the need to write about this aspect of this whole ordeal except to get it off my chest. I am sure everyone that goes into the ER is innocent until proven otherwise, when it comes to kid's injuries. And I never felt blamed or was accused of anything. But I knew what they were looking for and it still bugged me. Even though it is part of their job. And thank goodness they do it.

So now, Carter just wears his sling in public, mostly at school, to remind him and his playmates that he has a "boo boo". He is on ibuprofen 2-3 times a day and he is going around like there is nothing wrong. His soft spot is getting smaller every day and his bruises on his chest are almost gone. It's amazing how little ones recover.

Now, if I could just recover from the whole ordeal, life would be good. And it will. I just need a few quiet days. Nearly impossible with a busy 2 year old!!