Merry Christmas!

I hope that you had just as wonderful a Christmas as I did. It has been great. I realized yesterday that this is my first Christmas as a mom. It was pretty cool. This was Carter's first Christmas, too. My sister and her two kids came to town and my dad and step-mom spent Christmas Eve and day with us too. Of course we had time with Greg's parents in there too. Very busy time of year.

Carter had kind of a rough Christmas. He has been sick. He has been to the doctor twice and is on antibiotics. He is feeling much better now but Christmas Eve and Christmas Day kind of stunk for him, and for us too. With being sick he is waking in the night so we are just a wee bit tired. We are hoping for an all nighter tonight-a whole night of wonderful sleep!!!! This morning Carter got me up at 5:30 and he did not want to go back to sleep. At least he slept till 5:30, the past two nights we have been up and down several times in the night. Anyway, he finally went back down about 6:45. I decided to stay up since it was morning and I could have some time to myself. I made coffee and started having my devotions and my eyes became really, really heavy. I thought I was going to fall asleep in my chair. I had taken a couple of sips of coffee and decided I would give sleep another try. Greg was up by now and about to eat breakfast. I slipped into bed and the next thing I remember its 9:20! Sleep is an amazing thing!

Carter was kind of oblivious to Christmas which was nice because due to all the family commitments, Carter couldn't see what Santa had brought him until about 1:30 in the afternoon! You can do that with an 11 month old. Next year, we will have to do things differently. We got lots of pictures and video. He loves playing with all of his new toys and books. I can't believe he turns 1 in less than three weeks!!!!

Some of you know I surprised Greg with a "remodeled" downstairs basement. It is now a rec room with a brand new pool table in it, a new paint job and UT accents. I will try and post some pictures. It looks great and he was thoroughly surprised!! He was equally wonderful to me too, this year. My favorite gift is the cappuccino maker he got me. I guess he is tired of all the money I am spending at Starbucks, ha! Not really, but I am excited that now I can have a latte anytime I want!!

Well, all the family has left and gone home. Carter is napping and I am enjoying the peace and quiet! Maybe I should retry having those devotions!!! You have to take those moments when you can!!

I have my 2o year class reunion on Friday, that is just too freaky to even write about! But I will post about that later.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!


I have been feeling quite apprehensive about quitting work and being home, all day, with Carter. I love my son deeply, obviously. But I am not the stay-at-home type. Sorry, that is just the way it is. I know others feel very strongly about this issue, as they should. But I believe we all have the right to follow where the Lord leads us.

For some of us, it is home with children and others its working while having children. I am not a sappy person, in general. That goes with being a burned out social worker. I have just seen too much. I cringe (and I hope that this does not offend anyone), but I cringe when I listen to Focus on the Family and all these sweet sounding women come on and talk about being at home or whatever ministry they are involved in. They sound so sickeningly sweet it drives me crazy.

For those who do not know me well, I am somewhat opinionated. I feel very strongly about women's rights, even in the church. Don't get me started on that. Anyway, if I feel very passionately about something I will debate you until there is no debating left. Usually, this is on social issues--women, poverty, education, etc. Just ask my dad. We debate quite frequently on several issues.

I feel a woman, a Christian woman or any woman, in this day and age has the God-given right to choose what she does for a living and as a mom. I feel very strongly about this. You can give me this report or that report and I will tell you, you can make research tell you anything you want. For some women, there is no other thing that they would love to do more than to stay home and educate their children from day one. For others, the thought of staying at home makes them cringe and they honestly feel they are better moms for working. I wholeheartedly agree, with whichever route you take!

The point is, it is a choice, and a choice we should all have the privilege to have. I respect your decision to stay home, you respect my decision to work. There, see, its easy.

That being said. I did not want to be a stay at home mom. Not because I do not love my child deeply, but because I have little patience and a low tolerance for coping in stressful situations. There, I said it! I admit it. The last time I stayed at home (pre-child) I became depressed. Not clinically, but just very unhappy. Now with Carter, I can understand I will be very busy. But I am not very domesticated (ask my husband). There are some that will probably disagree with me there. Yes, I like to cook and bake, but that is about it.

But the Lord has called me to stay at home (although I have other projects that will keep my mind stimulated). I totally resisted this. I can find the good and the bad that goes along with being at home with my child. On the good side, I am the one taking care of him. Also, I can teach him, stimulate his mind, play with him and create a strong bond. On the bad side, I will grow impatient with him, sigh and wish I were somewhere else. I will raise my voice to him when I shouldn't. I will damage him in some way. But most of all, my fear is that I will be unhappy and miserable. I am being very transparent here. These are my fears, not reality.

But fear is not from the Lord. And I know He wants to grow me and show me that I can overcome such fears. And He has many plans to show me that I am going to be a really good mother, and that I won't lose patience (most of the time) :-), and that He will increase my patience and He will be my encourager, and He will show me how He can make my life new by following Him.

My husband asked me last night, without knowing I had been contemplating all these things, if I had thought of all the fun things I was going to do with Carter when I was home with him. I scoffed at him and told him honestly how I had been feeling. He said he could see patience being a big issue. I completely agree.

I told him I would be doing a lot of praying!!! And I will.

Christmas time

I hope there are others out there like me that just does not like to shop. Now don't get me wrong, when I want something and have something in mind, I love to shop. But I do not spend hours on end at the mall. I am sure my husband is very thankful of that!

Christmas is the worst! I have not bought one, single Christmas present yet. That is so sad! I got online today to search for some things to buy for family and I ended up buying something for us!! LOL! It just cracked me up after I got to thinking about it. When I think about it, maybe it isn't the shopping at Christmas that I hate doing but figuring out what everyone wants. So much pressure finding the perfect gift....

I know gift cards are impersonal but I love them. Last year at Christmas time I was 9 months pregnant. Perfect excuse to use gift cards. Well, not this year. I have no excuse except to go out and shop! Which, I guess I will tomorrow.

Wish me luck!