Roxie's Grave

Greg, Carter and I are headed to Canada two weeks from today. If fact, two weeks from right now we will be in Canada. I am really excited to go to Canada for a fun trip, rather than the last trip I took there, which was for my friend, Roxanne's, funeral, in July 2007.

We are going to see Roxanne's parents, affectionately known as Granny and Grampy Thorne. They are very excited to meet Carter. We are also staying with Roxanne's first cousin, Krista, who was very much like a sister to Roxanne. I got to know Krista very well in a very short time period last year when I stayed with her and her family during Roxanne's funeral. They are awesome people and I am really looking forward to the trip. I am looking forward to Greg meeting them also.

I just got an email from Roxanne's mom and she asked me to bring a small Tennessee flag to Canada with me so that she can put it on Roxie's grave along with the Canadian flag. You see, Tennessee was also "home" to Rox for many years.

When I read over the email and came to the part that said 'Roxie's grave' I got that thought again, that thought that Roxanne is not really gone. How can she be gone? It just seems like yesterday that I was talking to her and heard her infectious laugh. Just today I went to the group on facebook that was created immediately after her death and was looking at her picture, thinking, wow, I really miss her. And I see her every time I open the refrigerator because, there again, is a picture of her with me on my wedding day.

It makes me sad that Roxanne is never going to have a wedding day. I won't get to be the Matron of Honor at her wedding. She will never get to have a baby. We won't ever be able to discuss the trials of motherhood together. How to juggle marriage and family. The sleepless nights, the worry and doubts.

But I believe Roxanne has a very special job now. And besides that special job, she is walking arm in arm with Jesus. She is his bride. And I believe she is a mother.

I believe Roxanne is being a mommy to my three angels in heaven. Angels that were with me just a short time, but they are mine and still with me. I can't be with them, but they can be with her. And she is finally becoming the mother she always wanted to be. And she is taking care of my babies in heaven.

I don't know how theologically sound this is. I do know that even if we don't have these bodies in heaven, we will know our loved ones. I will know my babies. I don't know what shape or form the will be in but they are there. They had a soul. They all had a heartbeat. And I know that I will know Roxanne. And I like to think that she has the very special job of taking care of my little ones in heaven.

And even though I miss her here on earth there is no one I would rather have looking over my babes than her. I know they are in the best of hands.

So, now I need to find a small Tennessee flag.....hmmmm. I have a very important job to do and I don't want to disappoint Mum Thorne. This is a very special job indeed. It is the least that I can do given the job Jesus has given Roxanne.
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