Kids are unpredictable. I have found that they become even more unpredictable when we, as parents, ask them to do things that are beyond their development or when our pride gets in the way and we expect them to behave differently just because someone else is present.

I was confronted with my pride the other day when my kid was not "acting" like he was "supposed" to in front of others. We had a rather large party over at our house which included adults and kids of all ages. I happened to see Carter interacting with a little boy and it appeared he wasn't being very nice. So I redirected him. Then Carter just plain starting acting out. And not only was he acting out, but he was acting out in front of people...new friends....in our home. Insert "pride". It wasn't long before I was dragging Carter to our bedroom to give him a little talking to. On my way to the bedroom I realized that Carter was just being a kid; an imperfect kid who needed redirection, but my blood was boiling because he wasn't acting perfect in front of new friends.

Wow.

It made me stop and think of what kind of pressures am I putting on my kids because they don't "act" the way "I" want them to. Now, I am not talking about being disobedient or disrespectful. But just acting like kids who need to be trained.

How do you feel when your kid is mean to another kid, or doesn't share or in some other way "shows" him or herself and it is a bad reflection on you, as their parent?

It got me to thinking, is it really a bad reflection on me when my kid acts out or am I putting expectations on my kids and reacting to those expectations when it really doesn't matter.

Obviously, if your child isn't acting right it is an opportunity for us as parents to discipline our child, to train them. Which is what discipline actually stands for.

I recently asked some of my friends what the most unpredictable thing their kids have ever done in front of them and others. I got great responses.

Kids are unpredictable by nature and for the most part, I can handle it. Especially when you can find humor in it. Like some of my friends who were mortified by their young child saying, in a very loud voice when seeing a black person, " why is that person brown?". And by the way, Carrie....Carter asked the same thing just YESTERDAY while we had stopped for gas. It made me laugh because you had just given me that example! LOL! Or another friend who's daughter decided to cram a stuffed animal between her legs at a get together and say something very embarrassing to the crowd.

It didn't take me long to figure out that kids don't come out of the womb knowing what to do, they need training. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a four year old asking, "why is that person brown" or "is that person old". That is a kids natural curiosity. They do need to learn to ask those questions in private. They do need to be taught what discretion is and how to not be impulsive with every thought that comes into their mind. Those are questions that need to be explained and answered. But as mortified as we might be by some of our children's actions, well, they're just being kids.

I had another mom who responded in a way that I wish I responded more often. She said she knows her kids are unpredictable and to not expect anything less....that way, you are always prepared for the unpredictable! It was very good advice!

How prideful is it (and I'm talking to myself here) to want my kid to be the best behaved kid in town, especially in front of friends. For my kid to always make the right choices. To recite his ABC's and 123's on cue so that I can "show him off".

I was just really convicted the other day about MY behaviors. MY reactions. And MY responses to Carter's behaviors.

Something to chew on this week....

Great article on ADHD

As a therapist who has worked with kids who have ADHD (and a few who didn't but were classified as such) I know how overwhelming and frustrating a diagnosis of ADHD can be to a parent. This article is great because it explains the different types of ADHD (there are three types and four subtypes of Type 2...whew!). Also, the term ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder is no longer recognized as a diagnosis. It is termed ADHD, inattentive type or ADHD, type 2. This article also goes into that explanation.

On page two of the article is easily explains the difference between ADHD behaviors and simply anxiety, depression, or situational frustration. There is a difference and a way to look at the behaviors in our children and the events around them that have occurred to see how that has impacted or changed their behavior.

I hope that this article is helpful. I thought it was a great explanation in layman's terms.

Click Here to read the article.

Here is the the diagnostic criteria for ADHD from the DSM-IV TR and you can also check out the other links to articles regarding ADHD.

I feel the more education on this subject by the parent, the more armed they are to go into school meetings with an better understanding of their children's behaviors. Just because your child is acting up in school does not mean they are hyperactive or inattentive. However, there is ALWAYS a reason behind acting up behaviors. The key is to find out what those reasons are and dissect them carefully.

Good luck!

5 Minutes for Moms

I wanted to pass along this website that I have joined. I have actually added my blog to this site (and you can too). This site was designed for busy moms and I look at it as sort of a clearinghouse of information under one site. That means if you only have 5 minutes to get online, you can go there and accomplish a lot under one site. You can even view my blog there, along with other Christian mom's blogs. You can find Christian businesses run by moms, great ideas for every day life, jobs, etc. It's just an amazing site and I hope you check it out.

Click here for the main blog site and learn all about Susan and Janice, who are the twin sisters who created the blog, and more about 5 minutes for mom.

If you are a mom, or even want to be a mom and are possibly struggling with infertility, and you have a blog, they welcome you to join. It does take up to a month for them to add you. I just joined a week or so ago and I have not been added. It is very simple so click here if you would like info on adding your blog to their site!

1. Happy Tuesday!!!