Hi friends
I'm in the middle of a summer sabbatical right now with the blog. Thinking things over. Trying to figure out who Reflections of a Mom is these days. Good things to come. And you will be the first to hear about it!
Great, Positive ADHD Article!
oh my goodness! I love everything about this article. As many of you know I have an 8 year old with ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult....it was truly eye opening. My 8 year old already has questions about why he has to take medicine. How awesome this professional explains ADHD symptoms to families. Coming from a strengths perspective myself from my social work training, I just simply. love. this.
Click HERE to read how you can explain ADHD to your child from a strengths perspective!
Happy Monday!
Click HERE to read how you can explain ADHD to your child from a strengths perspective!
Happy Monday!
Let It Go (the non-Disney version)
On the way to church last Sunday I couldn't help but anticipate the anxiety that would soon be brewing once we parked the car and went into the theatre (where the church meets). A lot of my anxiety was based on expectations. Expectations that I knew weren't going to be met. It had nothing to do with the church. It simply had to do with knowing my two boys were about to be unleashed.
Having a son with ADHD and then having a younger son that does everything his big brother does well, you see where this is going. Impulsiveness begets impulsiveness. It makes life interesting. And it really puts a wrench when we go to places and do things that are unstructured and can be overstimulating, like church. Now imagine church in a movie theatre. Yeah. So every week it feels like I am fighting a battle. Every week we have to go over the same rules. I have to be "on top" of the impulsivity. It can really be exhausting.
My expectations have to do with control. I want to control my children. I want them to listen. I want them to keep their hands to themselves. My brain knows why Carter has the need to touch everything, but the mom in me just wants him to stop. I want them to do what I say. I want them to act a certain way in public. I want people to think that I am a great mom. This is a common issue that I have to deal with quite frequently. And it's mine. I own it. Basically, I am giving myself anxiety. Over things I can't control. I long for my oldest to be still. For him to walk with us and not run impulsively away from us. To ask before he does something, to sit at the dinner table and stay there. To understand consequences and to understand that just saying your sorry doesn't instantly make everything right, it's not a pat answer that fixes all the messes. I want him to walk in a straight line without hopping, skipping or jumping all the time. I mean, he's 8. Why can't he do that? Why can't I make him do that? How do I help him learn to control himself. I mean, it's a life skill, right? I am a therapist. I teach kids and families about feelings, behaviors, impulse control yet I am challenged by these behaviors every day. Does anything I try and teach him stick?
God pretty much teaches me every week that I just need to let go. And last Sunday he was teaching me to let go of straight lines, perfect walks, the messes, the broken toys, mannerly communication with others in public, and the hope of asking before doing (ha). To just let go of my expectations.
And with that, the anxiety left. It wasn't long, though, before I picked it back up again when Carter wouldn't listen to my request to stay by my side and when I pulled him away from the water fountain to "consequence" him. To prove my point. To show the others around me that, I am trying. I am trying to control the behavior. I could see the anger in his eyes. He just wants to do what he wants to do. I have to teach him that there are limits. There's nothing wrong with that....it's just that my expectations are usually centered around what other people think, and that is not Carter's responsibility. So why am I punishing him for something that I created? I just wanted him to be still and stay by my side. But, we are in a movie theatre. Big open spaces, lots of hallways to run through. buttons to push on doors to make them open. I mean, for an 8 year old, ADHD boy this place is heaven. Add a four year old into that mix and I. get. overwhelmed.
He's not going to stand still. He can learn the rules....no running, but right now, he's going to dart ahead. Jump to the water fountains and well, that's ok. Because sometimes I just need to pick our relationship over my expectations that he's never, ever going to meet. And how frustrating for an 8 year old little boy to have to suffer through, whether he has ADHD or not.
The more I try to make Carter conform at age 8 the more he resents me. I'm not talking about discipline matters. We discipline, we have structure, rules and rewards. But staying on him for things that are just expectations of good behavior, those are the things that rob the joy out of our relationship. Do I really need to stay on top of him for every little thing? No. Just let it go.
It's a fine balance. And I have sucked at it lately and I can tell from our relationship it is affecting him. It's time to pick battles. Let things go. We both need our emotional love tank re-filled and I see glimpses of that happening. We had a great weekend in Chattanooga over spring break and I really tried to just enjoy my boy. Tell him how much I love him. Praise him. Point out what he is doing good. Tickle him. Ruffle his hair. Stroke his cheek and tell him that I am so glad that he is mine.
Enjoy the good times. Stay in the moment. Take is one day at a time. Breathe. That's all I can do and am trying to do.
Having a son with ADHD and then having a younger son that does everything his big brother does well, you see where this is going. Impulsiveness begets impulsiveness. It makes life interesting. And it really puts a wrench when we go to places and do things that are unstructured and can be overstimulating, like church. Now imagine church in a movie theatre. Yeah. So every week it feels like I am fighting a battle. Every week we have to go over the same rules. I have to be "on top" of the impulsivity. It can really be exhausting.
My expectations have to do with control. I want to control my children. I want them to listen. I want them to keep their hands to themselves. My brain knows why Carter has the need to touch everything, but the mom in me just wants him to stop. I want them to do what I say. I want them to act a certain way in public. I want people to think that I am a great mom. This is a common issue that I have to deal with quite frequently. And it's mine. I own it. Basically, I am giving myself anxiety. Over things I can't control. I long for my oldest to be still. For him to walk with us and not run impulsively away from us. To ask before he does something, to sit at the dinner table and stay there. To understand consequences and to understand that just saying your sorry doesn't instantly make everything right, it's not a pat answer that fixes all the messes. I want him to walk in a straight line without hopping, skipping or jumping all the time. I mean, he's 8. Why can't he do that? Why can't I make him do that? How do I help him learn to control himself. I mean, it's a life skill, right? I am a therapist. I teach kids and families about feelings, behaviors, impulse control yet I am challenged by these behaviors every day. Does anything I try and teach him stick?
God pretty much teaches me every week that I just need to let go. And last Sunday he was teaching me to let go of straight lines, perfect walks, the messes, the broken toys, mannerly communication with others in public, and the hope of asking before doing (ha). To just let go of my expectations.
And with that, the anxiety left. It wasn't long, though, before I picked it back up again when Carter wouldn't listen to my request to stay by my side and when I pulled him away from the water fountain to "consequence" him. To prove my point. To show the others around me that, I am trying. I am trying to control the behavior. I could see the anger in his eyes. He just wants to do what he wants to do. I have to teach him that there are limits. There's nothing wrong with that....it's just that my expectations are usually centered around what other people think, and that is not Carter's responsibility. So why am I punishing him for something that I created? I just wanted him to be still and stay by my side. But, we are in a movie theatre. Big open spaces, lots of hallways to run through. buttons to push on doors to make them open. I mean, for an 8 year old, ADHD boy this place is heaven. Add a four year old into that mix and I. get. overwhelmed.
He's not going to stand still. He can learn the rules....no running, but right now, he's going to dart ahead. Jump to the water fountains and well, that's ok. Because sometimes I just need to pick our relationship over my expectations that he's never, ever going to meet. And how frustrating for an 8 year old little boy to have to suffer through, whether he has ADHD or not.
The more I try to make Carter conform at age 8 the more he resents me. I'm not talking about discipline matters. We discipline, we have structure, rules and rewards. But staying on him for things that are just expectations of good behavior, those are the things that rob the joy out of our relationship. Do I really need to stay on top of him for every little thing? No. Just let it go.
It's a fine balance. And I have sucked at it lately and I can tell from our relationship it is affecting him. It's time to pick battles. Let things go. We both need our emotional love tank re-filled and I see glimpses of that happening. We had a great weekend in Chattanooga over spring break and I really tried to just enjoy my boy. Tell him how much I love him. Praise him. Point out what he is doing good. Tickle him. Ruffle his hair. Stroke his cheek and tell him that I am so glad that he is mine.
Enjoy the good times. Stay in the moment. Take is one day at a time. Breathe. That's all I can do and am trying to do.
The Sound of Silence...
My husband and I enjoyed sleeping in until 8 am this morning. My cell phone alarm going off is what woke us up...thank goodness!!!
It was ENTIRELY too quiet in the house. I knew Carter was awake because he had come into our room before 7 then left. I figured Griffin was still sleeping.
I get up just in time to see Carter darting for the garage door and I quickly ask if G is still asleep. Nope, he's awake.
Carter runs ahead and I hear he and G discussing the dog. I tell C to get inside and I call G. No response. After about the third call, I'm freaking out ( and a little angry). I move to look into the back yard and see this blurry image of Temple Run jammies running toward the garage.
They had let the dog out and wanted her to come in, the dog wanted to run in the woods and play.
I wanted to kill them for 1) being outside with no one knowing. 2) for being outside in their jammies. 3) for embarrassing the heck out if this momma (what if someone sees them out in their jammies unsupervised!!!).
Thankfully, this had *just* happened. They had just wanted the dog to come in. I caught them in the nick of time. They will be *strongly* reminded that letting the dog out to pee is awesome and shows us great responsibility. Crawling underneath the garage door to chase the dog isssss NOT ok. There will be a discussion about household rules later today ( this was already in the works).
Every time Greg and I get to sleep in on the weekends we end up saying that we are paid back times 2 because the kids decided to do something, um, questionable.
It was a really good sleep, tho....
Underachiever moms, unite!!!!
Do you let your kids go a week without a bath?
Do you completely forget about costumes, cupcakes and school projects until the day before ( or of-- yikes!!)
Store bought valentines box AND Valentines??
Do you wait and see what everyone else is bringing to the class party so that everything is either taken or you just have to grab some leftover plates and napkins from the last party?
Not change your kids underwear every day?
Have they been wearing those same pair of jeans for yet another day because the laundry just hasn't seem to do itself?
Kids teeth go unbrushed for a couple of days?
Throw away yet another cookie sale form?
Forget a deadline?
Then this post is for you. You rock! It's okay. Kids aren't going to remember this stuff. You haven't let them down. You love them, spend time with them. Kisses and snuggles will win out on the best costume every time.
So, lay the guilt aside. Go have fun with your kids. Go buy the store bought cupcakes. Recycle the costumes, store bought, nonetheless.
I have come to terms with the fact that there will always be those mon's out there that "do" more than I do. More creative. More homemade. More cookie sales, and yes, I'm bitter. But I have to remind myself It. Just. Doesn't. Matter.
And if you are "that" mom that does all the above, kudos to you. I'm really trying not to be jealous and post passive-aggressive comments under your pictures. Forgive me. Just show me love and grace for I am just jealous of your awesomeness. Seriously, you rock too.
Because it is what it is. And nobody is better than the other.
In the end, we love our kids the same, we just show it in our own unique way. And that's ok.
So, I will not think about the fact that I sent my kid to school with only his Dr. Suess hat ( that he wore Wednesday) to finish up Dr. Suess week. Yeah. I still rock. And you do too!
Valentine's Candy and Grief...
So I indulged in a little Valentines candy today, pre-valentines day. Stopped at Walgreen's to pick up some things and bought some little 2 for $1.00 Russell Stover valentine's candy. For some reason, Valentines candy does not make me think of romantic love. I've never asked for Valentines candy as a present, probably because I am always watching my weight. It doesn't mean, however, that I have not eaten my fair share.
Today, I specifically thought about an early February nine years ago. I was pregnant with our first child. I honestly didn't think that I could get pregnant, even though I had no reason to think that other than I was older and overweight. I went from utter shock in learning that we were pregnant to being overjoyed...and a little queasy.
Anyway, I will never forget it. We hosted a Super Bowl party with our Sunday school class, who I had shared our awesome news with. We had told our family. I wasn't even 8 weeks pregnant yet. The next day I was scheduled to have the first ultrasound to date the pregnancy and hear the heartbeat.
We went in for our scheduled appointment. We went through the entire ultrasound and I wondered why we couldn't see the heartbeat.The technician didn't let on until she had gathered all the information she needed for assessment and then she let us know that she was sorry, but she didn't see a heartbeat.
It was a pretty ugly scene. I may have screamed. I know I was crying and inconsolable. Poor Greg. He was also in shock and was trying to comfort me. I'm sure we asked questions. I can't remember now what they were. The tech left us alone for a while. I got dressed and we waited to see my doctor's nurse. They gave us options on what we could do. I was so in shock that I couldn't do anything but go home.
By now you are probably wondering what this has to do with Valentine's candy. Well, in the next few days, my mom came to be with us. I couldn't decide whether or not to have a D and C. And in between there, I ate Valentine's candy. I remember going into Target and seeing all the Valentines displays and bought a big box of chocolates. And proceeded to eat them all.
I had lost a lot of weight previously so, even though they weren't asking why, I told my mom and my husband that for now, I was going to eat candy. I was going to be fine, and I wouldn't keep eating candy, but for the next few days, I was going to eat as much candy as I wanted. LOL.
By the end of the week I decided to have a D and C and after one more sonogram to ease my mind and to make sure that our little baby indeed had no heartbeat, the procedure was done and the rest is history.
I think I ate another big box of candy after the procedure. I'm sure I shared. Maybe.
I have absolutely no reason why I remembered that today. I think I probably remember it every year, but for some reason today I needed to write about it.
Greg and I have gone on to have two healthy children (along with two more, just as devastating, miscarriages in between). I have had more vaginal ultrasounds than I ever care to remember. Lots of bloodwork. I am glad that the fear and anxiety that always followed finding out I was pregnant is behind us. No more holding our breath through the first trimester. No more "procedures". No more loss in the baby department.
But today, as I bit into my little Russell Stover treat, I just happened to have my breath taken away from a memory of a hope that turned into a loss and a left a lot of tears and questions behind it.
And the memory of that time flooded back as if it was yesterday and I felt compelled to write about it.
I guess there is always room for processing grief and today was my day.
Today, I specifically thought about an early February nine years ago. I was pregnant with our first child. I honestly didn't think that I could get pregnant, even though I had no reason to think that other than I was older and overweight. I went from utter shock in learning that we were pregnant to being overjoyed...and a little queasy.
Anyway, I will never forget it. We hosted a Super Bowl party with our Sunday school class, who I had shared our awesome news with. We had told our family. I wasn't even 8 weeks pregnant yet. The next day I was scheduled to have the first ultrasound to date the pregnancy and hear the heartbeat.
We went in for our scheduled appointment. We went through the entire ultrasound and I wondered why we couldn't see the heartbeat.The technician didn't let on until she had gathered all the information she needed for assessment and then she let us know that she was sorry, but she didn't see a heartbeat.
It was a pretty ugly scene. I may have screamed. I know I was crying and inconsolable. Poor Greg. He was also in shock and was trying to comfort me. I'm sure we asked questions. I can't remember now what they were. The tech left us alone for a while. I got dressed and we waited to see my doctor's nurse. They gave us options on what we could do. I was so in shock that I couldn't do anything but go home.
By now you are probably wondering what this has to do with Valentine's candy. Well, in the next few days, my mom came to be with us. I couldn't decide whether or not to have a D and C. And in between there, I ate Valentine's candy. I remember going into Target and seeing all the Valentines displays and bought a big box of chocolates. And proceeded to eat them all.
I had lost a lot of weight previously so, even though they weren't asking why, I told my mom and my husband that for now, I was going to eat candy. I was going to be fine, and I wouldn't keep eating candy, but for the next few days, I was going to eat as much candy as I wanted. LOL.
By the end of the week I decided to have a D and C and after one more sonogram to ease my mind and to make sure that our little baby indeed had no heartbeat, the procedure was done and the rest is history.
I think I ate another big box of candy after the procedure. I'm sure I shared. Maybe.
I have absolutely no reason why I remembered that today. I think I probably remember it every year, but for some reason today I needed to write about it.
Greg and I have gone on to have two healthy children (along with two more, just as devastating, miscarriages in between). I have had more vaginal ultrasounds than I ever care to remember. Lots of bloodwork. I am glad that the fear and anxiety that always followed finding out I was pregnant is behind us. No more holding our breath through the first trimester. No more "procedures". No more loss in the baby department.
But today, as I bit into my little Russell Stover treat, I just happened to have my breath taken away from a memory of a hope that turned into a loss and a left a lot of tears and questions behind it.
And the memory of that time flooded back as if it was yesterday and I felt compelled to write about it.
I guess there is always room for processing grief and today was my day.
If: Gathering Nashville
I am so looking forward to the IF: Gathering local event in Nashville this weekend. My soul needs this. I need this. I know I need to go because I am already trying to talk myself out of going.
I was the only one of my friends who was actually able to snag an If: Austin registration. It sold out in like, 2 hours. Crazy. But, with no friends going and fitting the hotel bill on my own, not to mention the flight down to Texas, I decided to stay local.
Is anyone else attending an If:Gathering local event??? Look on my sidebar for details on how you can get in on the action before it's too late.
I want to see you there!!!!
I was the only one of my friends who was actually able to snag an If: Austin registration. It sold out in like, 2 hours. Crazy. But, with no friends going and fitting the hotel bill on my own, not to mention the flight down to Texas, I decided to stay local.
Is anyone else attending an If:Gathering local event??? Look on my sidebar for details on how you can get in on the action before it's too late.
I want to see you there!!!!
Have you had the talk???
Since we now have an eight year old, parenting in some ways is getting easier. But, as Carter gets older, there are dilemmas that pop up that take proactive approach. Who knew 8 years ago that I would be having discussions about Internet safety with my eight year old.....
Yes, technology is one of the things that HAS to be addressed early. Times have changed and just like the sex talk, starting the conversation early is monumental. That talk, the sex talk, is a continual conversation you should be having with your child from the time they start asking simple questions about where babies come from, not something you try to have with them when they turn 10 or 12. Good luck with that if you do. For more on age and developmentally appropriate discussions on sex, see my post HERE
This time, our discussion with Carter had to do with technology. Here are some things we recently addressed with him.
1) We explained why we were having this discussion, in a very age appropriate way. We told him that since we are his parents, it's our job to keep him safe. One of those ways is monitoring what he does on the Internet. We informed him that it is very easy to see and hear things that are not appropriate for him to see or hear. We explained to him that some parents may not monitor their kids in the same way we do, and that's not bad, but we definitely want him to know and be prepared when and if something comes up.
2) My husband and I discussed with Carter that if he is playing a game and he is prompted to watch a video to get points, coins, or whatever mom and/or dad need to be there with you while you are viewing them, or need to view them enough to know you aren't being exposed to something you shouldn't.
3) We had a discussion with Carter about what is appropriate content and what is not appropriate content for him to view if and when he is with a friend and that friend has more access to technology without parental supervision. I would be naive to think that the possibility of him being exposed to something that is inappropriate isn't there. This included bad words, cursing and nudity. I explained it like this....if you see anyone naked or partially naked on a video you are watching, it's not appropriate for you to watch. Carter knows (somewhat) what bad words are and words that you aren't allowed to say. We didn't go into much detail. You don't have to. They know.
4) We discussed what to say and do when something inappropriate pops up or his friend wants him to watch something that is inappropriate. We explained how to say, nicely and politely, that what they are viewing is something he doesn't want to see or that he knows his parents don't want him to see. We role played different scenarios with what to say when his friend questioned him or made fun of him for not wanting to watch something inappropriate. Then we told him he could always go to an adult and ask to come home if his friend didn't listen or wasn't being nice to him.
5) We asked him if he had any questions. Surprisingly, he didn't. You could tell his wheels were turning in his mind. I told him that after he thought about it a little while and had questions to please feel free to ask me or dad. We also told him he never had to be afraid to tell us something, that we would (try) not to get mad and if he talks to us up front about something it's less likely that he will get in trouble. And he would never get in trouble for telling us something that he saw, however, if we catch him watching something or hiding something from us, that requires a consequence. The big thing we were going here was trust. He can trust us with information. We are safe. It builds on our relationship.
This is just the beginning. What is awesome about having this conversation BEFORE anything happens is that we can build on it constantly. As with the sex talk, it's a continual conversation that comes up every now and then. When we inadvertently see something or hear something we shouldn't, I take that as an opportunity to talk to him about it and why it is wrong or something we don't watch or listen to. It helps him understand the difference between right and wrong and it keeps a dialog open. If he knows he isn't going to get into trouble for discussing things with me, which means I don't pass judgement or jump to conclusions when he brings something inappropriate up or asks questions, then he knows I am safe and his dad is safe and he is going to be way more open with us and we will have a continual dialog. If he is asking simply for the knowledge and understanding to help him make better choices, then I welcome those comments and questions. If he does something blatant to get attention, there will be a consequence. There is a difference and you, as the parent, will recognize this. I hope.
Whew. Good luck.
Yes, technology is one of the things that HAS to be addressed early. Times have changed and just like the sex talk, starting the conversation early is monumental. That talk, the sex talk, is a continual conversation you should be having with your child from the time they start asking simple questions about where babies come from, not something you try to have with them when they turn 10 or 12. Good luck with that if you do. For more on age and developmentally appropriate discussions on sex, see my post HERE
This time, our discussion with Carter had to do with technology. Here are some things we recently addressed with him.
1) We explained why we were having this discussion, in a very age appropriate way. We told him that since we are his parents, it's our job to keep him safe. One of those ways is monitoring what he does on the Internet. We informed him that it is very easy to see and hear things that are not appropriate for him to see or hear. We explained to him that some parents may not monitor their kids in the same way we do, and that's not bad, but we definitely want him to know and be prepared when and if something comes up.
2) My husband and I discussed with Carter that if he is playing a game and he is prompted to watch a video to get points, coins, or whatever mom and/or dad need to be there with you while you are viewing them, or need to view them enough to know you aren't being exposed to something you shouldn't.
3) We had a discussion with Carter about what is appropriate content and what is not appropriate content for him to view if and when he is with a friend and that friend has more access to technology without parental supervision. I would be naive to think that the possibility of him being exposed to something that is inappropriate isn't there. This included bad words, cursing and nudity. I explained it like this....if you see anyone naked or partially naked on a video you are watching, it's not appropriate for you to watch. Carter knows (somewhat) what bad words are and words that you aren't allowed to say. We didn't go into much detail. You don't have to. They know.
4) We discussed what to say and do when something inappropriate pops up or his friend wants him to watch something that is inappropriate. We explained how to say, nicely and politely, that what they are viewing is something he doesn't want to see or that he knows his parents don't want him to see. We role played different scenarios with what to say when his friend questioned him or made fun of him for not wanting to watch something inappropriate. Then we told him he could always go to an adult and ask to come home if his friend didn't listen or wasn't being nice to him.
5) We asked him if he had any questions. Surprisingly, he didn't. You could tell his wheels were turning in his mind. I told him that after he thought about it a little while and had questions to please feel free to ask me or dad. We also told him he never had to be afraid to tell us something, that we would (try) not to get mad and if he talks to us up front about something it's less likely that he will get in trouble. And he would never get in trouble for telling us something that he saw, however, if we catch him watching something or hiding something from us, that requires a consequence. The big thing we were going here was trust. He can trust us with information. We are safe. It builds on our relationship.
This is just the beginning. What is awesome about having this conversation BEFORE anything happens is that we can build on it constantly. As with the sex talk, it's a continual conversation that comes up every now and then. When we inadvertently see something or hear something we shouldn't, I take that as an opportunity to talk to him about it and why it is wrong or something we don't watch or listen to. It helps him understand the difference between right and wrong and it keeps a dialog open. If he knows he isn't going to get into trouble for discussing things with me, which means I don't pass judgement or jump to conclusions when he brings something inappropriate up or asks questions, then he knows I am safe and his dad is safe and he is going to be way more open with us and we will have a continual dialog. If he is asking simply for the knowledge and understanding to help him make better choices, then I welcome those comments and questions. If he does something blatant to get attention, there will be a consequence. There is a difference and you, as the parent, will recognize this. I hope.
Whew. Good luck.
Love, Crafts and Birthdays
My son turned 8 last week. I'm still trying to come to terms with that. He's so big and grown up, for eight, that is. So sweet.
Anyway, he wanted a Minecraft party theme and we had already decided to have the party at home to cut costs.
Pinterest was my friend (and enemy) in planning this party. If you want Minecraft you pretty much have to create it, there are really no kids party supplies out there. I am thankful for those who went before me and created these printable templates!
In the end, I still spent a lot of money. But his having this memory of this party in our home with his best buds was money well spent!!
For the cupcake wrappers and toppers I used THIS site (SOOO super easy!!!)
what Minecraft party is complete without Creeper Juice? So cute. But nobody wanted it. They all wanted sprite.. LOL. Live and learn. Buy little sprite bottles next time and take those labels off instead.
Food printable cards I found HERE...among other printables if you need them. A bunch of the sites had the candy ideas. This is what I did.
Creeper bags. Again, this idea is everywhere and so easy. I mean, if I can do it, anyone I can. I pained those creeper faces on the goody bags myself. Love.
Kids enjoying the party. Oh, remember to help the kids take the cupcake covers off. Some of the kids didn't eat their cupcake because they couldn't get the tape off the cover. Oops. Fail.
Carter was so excited throughout the week as I prepared for the party. He even helped with some of the crafting. The day of everything went so smoothly because I had been working on the party all week and had gotten most everything finished early. I had time to spare to get ready and chill a little bit before the party began. Don't get me wrong, it was exhausting but to me ALL birthday parties for kids are exhausting, I would rather just be in my own home.
We had one craft activity (which was THE BOMB!) And you can get the idea HERE! Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the craft but you can check it out on the website link I provided. OMG! These people are amazing. I mean, seriously. Using the Frugal Family Times blog for the Minecraft party was the BEST. It's how I found out there are Minecraft parody music videos on Youtube. We had these playing on our TV through our BluRay player as the guests arrived and they LOVED them. Check out everything on the link above!
I am excited I get to do this again in April when Griffin turns 5! He has asked for a Mario party, lots of great ideas on Pinterest. woo hoo!!!
Have a great week!
For the cupcake wrappers and toppers I used THIS site (SOOO super easy!!!)
There were lots of Minecraft cakes and cupcakes online and as usual with all my recipes/creations, I made a hybrid. I did the cupcakes, which are on many sites. And somewhere I saw a cake made out of iced brownies and white cake to look like a block, which everything is supposed to be square, of course. So I created this so that the kids could have a cake, brownie or rice crispie treats. Honestly, people came up with way more interesting rice crispie treats, making them into coal and whatnot, but let's face it. I'm lazy. If there is a shortcut, I will take it. And, I couldn't do EVERYTHING on Pinterest, although I considered it. So I focused on the cupcakes being the main deal and just went out and bought the premade rice crispy treats (yes, I know, processed crap) and served it up this way.
what Minecraft party is complete without Creeper Juice? So cute. But nobody wanted it. They all wanted sprite.. LOL. Live and learn. Buy little sprite bottles next time and take those labels off instead.
Food printable cards I found HERE...among other printables if you need them. A bunch of the sites had the candy ideas. This is what I did.
Creeper bags. Again, this idea is everywhere and so easy. I mean, if I can do it, anyone I can. I pained those creeper faces on the goody bags myself. Love.
Kids enjoying the party. Oh, remember to help the kids take the cupcake covers off. Some of the kids didn't eat their cupcake because they couldn't get the tape off the cover. Oops. Fail.
Carter was so excited throughout the week as I prepared for the party. He even helped with some of the crafting. The day of everything went so smoothly because I had been working on the party all week and had gotten most everything finished early. I had time to spare to get ready and chill a little bit before the party began. Don't get me wrong, it was exhausting but to me ALL birthday parties for kids are exhausting, I would rather just be in my own home.
We had one craft activity (which was THE BOMB!) And you can get the idea HERE! Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the craft but you can check it out on the website link I provided. OMG! These people are amazing. I mean, seriously. Using the Frugal Family Times blog for the Minecraft party was the BEST. It's how I found out there are Minecraft parody music videos on Youtube. We had these playing on our TV through our BluRay player as the guests arrived and they LOVED them. Check out everything on the link above!
I am excited I get to do this again in April when Griffin turns 5! He has asked for a Mario party, lots of great ideas on Pinterest. woo hoo!!!
Have a great week!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Yeah...I know it's been a while.
December was crazy. Here is my top 10 for the past month...
1.I went to Haiti. Amazing.
2. Came back from Haiti. Broken...and tired.
3. Helped out with my son's Christmas party. Awesome.
4. Getting everything ready and finished for Christmas. Stressful.
5. Knee injury right before Christmas. Inconvenient (and painful).
6. Sleeping in every day during Christmas break. Fabulous!
7. Two weeks at home with my boys. Awesome.
8. Very Quiet New Years Eve. Ahhh...
9. I hosted a Downton Abbey Season 4 premiere party. Fantastic.
10. Extended Christmas break due to icy, cold weather. Cabin fever with two active boys. Um, I won't go there.
Whew.
I'm still recovering. How about you?
This is the first day since December 19th that both of my kids are in school for a full day so I figured I would update my blog.
I have lots to talk about in 2014, just not today. I'm enjoying some peace and quiet.
And coffee.
Lots and lots of coffee.
How was your December?
1.I went to Haiti. Amazing.
2. Came back from Haiti. Broken...and tired.
3. Helped out with my son's Christmas party. Awesome.
4. Getting everything ready and finished for Christmas. Stressful.
5. Knee injury right before Christmas. Inconvenient (and painful).
6. Sleeping in every day during Christmas break. Fabulous!
7. Two weeks at home with my boys. Awesome.
8. Very Quiet New Years Eve. Ahhh...
9. I hosted a Downton Abbey Season 4 premiere party. Fantastic.
10. Extended Christmas break due to icy, cold weather. Cabin fever with two active boys. Um, I won't go there.
Whew.
I'm still recovering. How about you?
This is the first day since December 19th that both of my kids are in school for a full day so I figured I would update my blog.
I have lots to talk about in 2014, just not today. I'm enjoying some peace and quiet.
And coffee.
Lots and lots of coffee.
How was your December?
Haiti = Hard
This time next week I will be in HAITI!!! It has been a wild, wild month. I have had so many feelings regarding Haiti so I thought I would share a few.
I just want to be real here, going to Haiti is hard. It was hard when I went the first time, but now that I am going back and know what to expect (although all trips are different) it kind of takes the "hard" up a notch. Kind of like when you are giving birth to your second child. You've been there, done that, yet NOW you know what to expect (like, you know what it's liking pushing an 8 pound baby out of you-know-where) (am I going to poop all over the hospital staff again, wow, that was embarrassing).... it's just a different kind of nervous. I don't know.... thankfully, hopefully, there will be no pooping in front of others in Haiti...
Seriously though, this past month has been very up and down. As a family we went through a lot, some personal stuff and some business stuff. I flat out was thinking of different ways I could get out of going on this trip. I emailed my wonderful friend, Tami, and told her I was freaking out. She said that was great (wha???). LOL. Yes, apparently, my fears and apprehension all point to God doing something big in me through this trip.
I mean, I know a lot of people who go to Haiti. A lot. Like several times a year and they love it. They talk about not wanting to leave Haiti. They talk about these strong feelings toward going back. I didn't fall in love with Haiti the last time I went. In fact, I knew it would be a while before I went back. It was that hard. And the stuff I thought was going to be hard wasn't. I can live without hot water for a week. I can live with eating different foods for a week. I can live in the heat. I can live with the possibilty of the generator going out and having no electrcity. That stuff was easy.
Well, I would like to say that reaching out to Tami helped with my apprehension but it didn't. Midway through November I started looking for full time employment. One of the positions I was interviewing for had me starting work the Monday after I get back from Haiti. Talk about skyrocketing anxiety. I just didn't think I could do it. And, thankfully, I won't.
Even after I knew I wasn't going to take a full time position (more on that in another blog post to come) I just flat out attempted to convince myself that I did not have to go. I could get out of it...but what about all that money? What about all those people that helped me raise the money to go? Well, I would pay them back. No biggie. Ugh. I tried thinking about all the things I am going to miss while I am in Haiti during the Christmas season. My son's Christmas play. My work's Christmas party. Surely that is a good reason not to go. Mommy guilt, that's always a good one...
Then something real happened. My dad had a complication with his dialysis. He was having a procedure the day before Thanksgiving. I didn't know if this would impact me going to Haiti or not. If my dad was in the hospital I was not going to Haiti. I sent a text to Tami, who was ever supportive. And in the back of my mind, even though I wouldn't truly acknowledge it, I thought this is my way out.
Somehow, in all of this, I finally reached a decision. I decided I was going to go. I was supposed to go. I wanted to go. I felt peace. I felt even more peace after I heard that my dad's procedure went well and that nothing will really change with his dialysis until the new year. Whew.
This past week I have felt nothing but peace. I am going. I am supposed to go. I want to go. Now that we are back from Missouri I can truly do all the things that need to be done to get ready for the trip.
I don't really know how to explain it, the peace. I am glad it is there though.
Going to a third world country is hard. Seeing the poverty, devastation and under-nourished orphans in less than ideal conditions is hard. Knowing that there isn't really anything I can do to "fix" the corruption in Haiti is hard and frustrating. It is emotionally draining.
But, then I remember that as hard as it is, what if we weren't involved? What if we weren't there?What if we couldn't give. I don't feel like I make a whole lot of difference in Haiti and that's frustrating. But that week that I am in Haiti, as hard as it is, I get to give love freely to orphans that have nothing. As heartbreaking as it is to know that no one tucks them in at night, I can love on the few that "choose me" for the week. I can be a momma to some Haitian babies. Plus, we get to give them stuff, which is always cool. But reminding myself when this gets really hard that I have been so very blessed makes all the trivial difficulties seem, well, trivial.
So, I am going. And it's going to be hard. But, that's okay. I have one week of hard. These orphans haven't known anything but hard their whole lives. The only thing is they don't know it. And God uses them to remind me Who He Is. Because Jesus shines in them. To see them sing about Jesus and experience Him in ways that I truly have never known, priceless.
I'm looking forward to my second experience in Haiti. Thank you to everyone who gave toward my trip. Thanks for all your prayers. Please keep us in your thoughts next week! I will post an update when we get back!!!
I just want to be real here, going to Haiti is hard. It was hard when I went the first time, but now that I am going back and know what to expect (although all trips are different) it kind of takes the "hard" up a notch. Kind of like when you are giving birth to your second child. You've been there, done that, yet NOW you know what to expect (like, you know what it's liking pushing an 8 pound baby out of you-know-where) (am I going to poop all over the hospital staff again, wow, that was embarrassing).... it's just a different kind of nervous. I don't know.... thankfully, hopefully, there will be no pooping in front of others in Haiti...
Seriously though, this past month has been very up and down. As a family we went through a lot, some personal stuff and some business stuff. I flat out was thinking of different ways I could get out of going on this trip. I emailed my wonderful friend, Tami, and told her I was freaking out. She said that was great (wha???). LOL. Yes, apparently, my fears and apprehension all point to God doing something big in me through this trip.
I mean, I know a lot of people who go to Haiti. A lot. Like several times a year and they love it. They talk about not wanting to leave Haiti. They talk about these strong feelings toward going back. I didn't fall in love with Haiti the last time I went. In fact, I knew it would be a while before I went back. It was that hard. And the stuff I thought was going to be hard wasn't. I can live without hot water for a week. I can live with eating different foods for a week. I can live in the heat. I can live with the possibilty of the generator going out and having no electrcity. That stuff was easy.
Well, I would like to say that reaching out to Tami helped with my apprehension but it didn't. Midway through November I started looking for full time employment. One of the positions I was interviewing for had me starting work the Monday after I get back from Haiti. Talk about skyrocketing anxiety. I just didn't think I could do it. And, thankfully, I won't.
Even after I knew I wasn't going to take a full time position (more on that in another blog post to come) I just flat out attempted to convince myself that I did not have to go. I could get out of it...but what about all that money? What about all those people that helped me raise the money to go? Well, I would pay them back. No biggie. Ugh. I tried thinking about all the things I am going to miss while I am in Haiti during the Christmas season. My son's Christmas play. My work's Christmas party. Surely that is a good reason not to go. Mommy guilt, that's always a good one...
Then something real happened. My dad had a complication with his dialysis. He was having a procedure the day before Thanksgiving. I didn't know if this would impact me going to Haiti or not. If my dad was in the hospital I was not going to Haiti. I sent a text to Tami, who was ever supportive. And in the back of my mind, even though I wouldn't truly acknowledge it, I thought this is my way out.
Somehow, in all of this, I finally reached a decision. I decided I was going to go. I was supposed to go. I wanted to go. I felt peace. I felt even more peace after I heard that my dad's procedure went well and that nothing will really change with his dialysis until the new year. Whew.
This past week I have felt nothing but peace. I am going. I am supposed to go. I want to go. Now that we are back from Missouri I can truly do all the things that need to be done to get ready for the trip.
I don't really know how to explain it, the peace. I am glad it is there though.
Going to a third world country is hard. Seeing the poverty, devastation and under-nourished orphans in less than ideal conditions is hard. Knowing that there isn't really anything I can do to "fix" the corruption in Haiti is hard and frustrating. It is emotionally draining.
But, then I remember that as hard as it is, what if we weren't involved? What if we weren't there?What if we couldn't give. I don't feel like I make a whole lot of difference in Haiti and that's frustrating. But that week that I am in Haiti, as hard as it is, I get to give love freely to orphans that have nothing. As heartbreaking as it is to know that no one tucks them in at night, I can love on the few that "choose me" for the week. I can be a momma to some Haitian babies. Plus, we get to give them stuff, which is always cool. But reminding myself when this gets really hard that I have been so very blessed makes all the trivial difficulties seem, well, trivial.
So, I am going. And it's going to be hard. But, that's okay. I have one week of hard. These orphans haven't known anything but hard their whole lives. The only thing is they don't know it. And God uses them to remind me Who He Is. Because Jesus shines in them. To see them sing about Jesus and experience Him in ways that I truly have never known, priceless.
I'm looking forward to my second experience in Haiti. Thank you to everyone who gave toward my trip. Thanks for all your prayers. Please keep us in your thoughts next week! I will post an update when we get back!!!
Tis the Season....for Travel
We have survived Halloween and are anxiously awaiting Thanksgiving when we get to travel to Missouri to see my mom. Road trips with kids are always fun. Most of the time my kids do great in the car, maybe it's their age, I don't know. But I would like to think it has something to do with my planning and preparation. Not all road trips have been dreamy, but packing great snacks always made it a LOT better!
On the way back from our Second Honeymoon trip in May, we were on a plane with a couple who had a one year old. In fact, we sat right next to them on the front row of the plane. The baby fussed the whole trip, not just fussed but screamed, cried and wiggled the entire time. Even the flight attendant came and asked the mom if she could walk him around the plane. You know it's bad when the flight attendant steps in. Mom tried breastfeeding him at one point and we had about 10 minutes of quiet...man, that was nice. Then she tried to get him to go to sleep. No go. She fed him a sandwich which he devoured. She only had water in his sippy cup (what???) and I think she may have had some goldfish, but as I sat there, I was wondering where her plethora of snacks were. We are a snacking family. I mean, if we are in the car for an extended period of time I brink lots of food for my kids. I could not understand for the life of me why this mom didn't pack pretzels, cookies, crackers, juice...you know all the good stuff that is bad for you. Even if you never, ever ever give your kid juice, especially under one year of age because that is FORBIDDEN and because, you know, it will cause them to get fat, (yep, that 6 ounces is just going to bloat them out for life) please for the love of everyone on that plane, pack it!
Don't get me wrong. I have traveled on a plane with a baby before. It's no fun and this mom felt really bad, I could tell.
How do you feel about feeding your kids snacks that they normally wouldn't get, for special occasions like travel? I'll be honest, it made me way less sympathetic for her. I understand he was only one but if the boy can devour a peanut butter sandwich, then maybe, just maybe he can eat an animal cracker or two with some real juice. But, it didn't make me mad (like some other passengers who weren't really all that nice). Maybe it's because we were all relaxed from our second honeymoon, but I was very empathetic with her and the situation she and her husband was in. On the other hand I so much wanted to tell her PACK SNACKS, but, I figured at that point and time it probably wasn't the right time or place. I remember being a first time mom and wanting to do everything right, but, if you are doing everything you can in the moment for your child then you are doing it right. Even if others say you are messing up. And that even includes the American Association of Pediatrics!!!!
So, if you want any advice from this travel seasoned mom, don't worry about the sugar in the juice. Drinking a cup of juice or two will not harm your child. Her fat genes will not pop out all of the sudden with an extra piece of candy. Trust me. And the people around you will appreciate it so much and you will feel much less stressed.
I hope you have an easy, non-stressful travel season as the holidays are upon us! Just remember to pack snacks (I won't even mention benadryl works wonders too!!! ) ;-)
On the way back from our Second Honeymoon trip in May, we were on a plane with a couple who had a one year old. In fact, we sat right next to them on the front row of the plane. The baby fussed the whole trip, not just fussed but screamed, cried and wiggled the entire time. Even the flight attendant came and asked the mom if she could walk him around the plane. You know it's bad when the flight attendant steps in. Mom tried breastfeeding him at one point and we had about 10 minutes of quiet...man, that was nice. Then she tried to get him to go to sleep. No go. She fed him a sandwich which he devoured. She only had water in his sippy cup (what???) and I think she may have had some goldfish, but as I sat there, I was wondering where her plethora of snacks were. We are a snacking family. I mean, if we are in the car for an extended period of time I brink lots of food for my kids. I could not understand for the life of me why this mom didn't pack pretzels, cookies, crackers, juice...you know all the good stuff that is bad for you. Even if you never, ever ever give your kid juice, especially under one year of age because that is FORBIDDEN and because, you know, it will cause them to get fat, (yep, that 6 ounces is just going to bloat them out for life) please for the love of everyone on that plane, pack it!
Don't get me wrong. I have traveled on a plane with a baby before. It's no fun and this mom felt really bad, I could tell.
How do you feel about feeding your kids snacks that they normally wouldn't get, for special occasions like travel? I'll be honest, it made me way less sympathetic for her. I understand he was only one but if the boy can devour a peanut butter sandwich, then maybe, just maybe he can eat an animal cracker or two with some real juice. But, it didn't make me mad (like some other passengers who weren't really all that nice). Maybe it's because we were all relaxed from our second honeymoon, but I was very empathetic with her and the situation she and her husband was in. On the other hand I so much wanted to tell her PACK SNACKS, but, I figured at that point and time it probably wasn't the right time or place. I remember being a first time mom and wanting to do everything right, but, if you are doing everything you can in the moment for your child then you are doing it right. Even if others say you are messing up. And that even includes the American Association of Pediatrics!!!!
So, if you want any advice from this travel seasoned mom, don't worry about the sugar in the juice. Drinking a cup of juice or two will not harm your child. Her fat genes will not pop out all of the sudden with an extra piece of candy. Trust me. And the people around you will appreciate it so much and you will feel much less stressed.
I hope you have an easy, non-stressful travel season as the holidays are upon us! Just remember to pack snacks (I won't even mention benadryl works wonders too!!! ) ;-)
Susan-in-Haiti
December 2011 I went to Jeremie, Haiti for the first time. After that trip, I said it would be a while before I went back. Well, it's been two years and I think I'm ready to go back. Whether I am completely ready to go back or not, I am going. Again, in the first week in December with my wonderful friends and team leaders, Dale and Tami Heim. I honestly would not go on this trip with any other leaders. They are the best and I am so appreciative of their leadership. I just felt that needed to be said!
I am hoping and praying that with this trip I can actually soak in what happens. Last time, I was in shock and I was stressed and overwhelmed. Because it was such a new experience and I really didn't know anyone on the trip, I allowed it to add stress and I withdrew. I became more introverted (than usual) and I was going through a lot emotionally anyway, working through my first step study in Celebrate Recovery. I was doing very intensive work on the inside, then went to Haiti to pour out on them and it was intense. I remember facetiming with Greg on the first or second night in Jeremie in tears. I was so out of my comfort zone. I was overwhelmed. I kept a lot of it in at the time and I just kept to myself a lot. This time, I'm looking forward to knowing what the routine is and the place I am staying, even though I have been told not two trips are the same, at least I have been there and I know what it's like to ride in that little 12 passenger plane! Yikes!
That plane ride was honestly one of the *least* stressful events during that trip. Seeing those orphans and the conditions that they live in, and knowing that even with those conditions, if that orphanage wasn't there, they would more than likely be dead, seeing that every day for five days, was quite emotionally draining.
Anyway, I really want this trip to be less about me and my issues and more about enjoying my time at the orphanage, feeling less overwhelmed and enjoying fellowship with some awesome people. In fact, that is my mantra for this trip. "It is not about me, it's about them". And to get more "spiritual", I'll quote John 3:20, "He must increase, but I must decrease". WORD!
I am raising money to fund my trip to Haiti and it is really easy to give, just check out my gofundme.com page, Susan-in-Haiti! If you are of the budgeting kind, My final payment for this trip will be due the first week of November...about three weeks before we LEAVE FOR HAITI (Eeeekkkkkk!!!)...sorry, I had a moment of something there. Eek. This trip is less than 8 weeks away. Eek. Eek. Eek. LOL.
If you want to check out my previous posts about my first trip to Haiti check these links out:
Return From Haiti
Just Cry
Of course, more important than monetary support is PRAYER!! And lots of it. Pray that this trip is not about me, that I let people in and that I love greatly. And just...go.
Thanks for all of your support!!!!
xxoo
A Year Of Biblical Womanhood!!!
ON SALE on Kindle RIGHT NOW, October 1, 2013. Go GRAB it!!!
I absolutely LOVED this book. It's funny and enlightening. I may not agree with everything in the book, but she doesn't ask the reader to agree with her. I found it quite entertaining. It's on Kindle right now for $2.99. Great read.
I think if you do a study like True Woman 101: Divine Design (and yes, I have read it) this should be read along with because not everyone believes or perceives biblical womanhood in the same manner, and personally, I don't want my life and beliefs to be pigeonholed into what one person's interpretation of scripture holds. I believe in the power of the holy spirit to guide and lead me and my marriage.
And, well, I'm kinda passionate about that. So it's not that I am against other studies, I personally, just like a more comprehensive approach to studying the murkier issues facing women studies today. Let's look at this from both sides.
I have no idea how long this will be $2.99 so if you find this post after October 1, 2013 you missed the deal. Personally, I would buy it anyway. It's great.
Click HERE to see if it's still on sale.
Thoughts? (I hope I am not opening Pandora's box.....)
Hope For the Future
Have you ever wanted to repair something but didn't know how? Or knew that it was really out of your control and as much as you wanted to fix a situation you just couldn't quite put the pieces together to do so? I feel this just about every day in dealing with my ADHD son. I want to figure him out. I want to understand all of his behaviors. I worry. I pray. I wonder. I question. But in the end I can't figure it out.
And then I just have to let go. I continue to pray, especially during the difficult times. It's just part of my faith and when I can truly let go and experience peace. Calling on God to take over, surrendering to the things in this life that are completely out of my control.
I'm reminded often to pray. I don't always do it, but man, when I do, nothing may actually change my circumstances, but it makes them bearable. Not that we don't have our moments. Sometimes those moments drive us to pray without ceasing. And I am convinced that my son's ADHD has a purpose. And one of those purposes it to remind me that I need God to carry me through.
When nothing else makes sense. Nothing is working. When I am doubting, feeling like a failure as a parent, and about to lose my mind I am gently reminded to pray.
And then I reminded. My son is going to be. just. fine.
I don't know what that looks like but I know he's amazing and complex and he's going to be fine. When I feel overwhelmed in today, that's when I have to think about the outcome and how he has so much going for him. We are doing everything possible to give him the best treatment, support and opportunities. Even though a lot of the times I feel like a discipline failure and allow those fears to creep in (what ifs will drive you crazy). I have to TRUST God. I have to TRUST myself and my husband. And I have to TRUST to process.
Each day holds failures and successes as a parent, but I have finally figured out that one, singular day does not decide the fate of my child. It's a compilation of many, many days and years that will develop him into the strong, Christian man of God I KNOW that he will become. And that is what I hold onto when I talk about the "outcome", the future. If I only looked at the day to day, man, some days would just be pretty ugly. And how often do I ignore the good days? Cause I know there are more good days than bad. It's just the bad ones can be so bad that it shadows the good days.
So I try and make a point in recognizing the good. Because that is where I find hope. And it is in those good days that I am reminded that the in the future he's going to be. just. fine.
Prayer. Surrender. Trust. Faith. Hope and whole lot of love. How can that go wrong? His life may not be the picture that I wanted it to look like but it's not my picture to create. It's my son's picture. And I think he's pretty amazing.
And one day I'm going to look back and see how much the good and the bad shaped him into this incredible man of God who is creative and smart and independent and strong. And, maybe in the back of my mind, I will finally allow myself to consider that, yeah, I had a part in molding him into the man that he is and will become.
Wow. He's going to be just fine.
And then I just have to let go. I continue to pray, especially during the difficult times. It's just part of my faith and when I can truly let go and experience peace. Calling on God to take over, surrendering to the things in this life that are completely out of my control.
I'm reminded often to pray. I don't always do it, but man, when I do, nothing may actually change my circumstances, but it makes them bearable. Not that we don't have our moments. Sometimes those moments drive us to pray without ceasing. And I am convinced that my son's ADHD has a purpose. And one of those purposes it to remind me that I need God to carry me through.
When nothing else makes sense. Nothing is working. When I am doubting, feeling like a failure as a parent, and about to lose my mind I am gently reminded to pray.
And then I reminded. My son is going to be. just. fine.
I don't know what that looks like but I know he's amazing and complex and he's going to be fine. When I feel overwhelmed in today, that's when I have to think about the outcome and how he has so much going for him. We are doing everything possible to give him the best treatment, support and opportunities. Even though a lot of the times I feel like a discipline failure and allow those fears to creep in (what ifs will drive you crazy). I have to TRUST God. I have to TRUST myself and my husband. And I have to TRUST to process.
Each day holds failures and successes as a parent, but I have finally figured out that one, singular day does not decide the fate of my child. It's a compilation of many, many days and years that will develop him into the strong, Christian man of God I KNOW that he will become. And that is what I hold onto when I talk about the "outcome", the future. If I only looked at the day to day, man, some days would just be pretty ugly. And how often do I ignore the good days? Cause I know there are more good days than bad. It's just the bad ones can be so bad that it shadows the good days.
So I try and make a point in recognizing the good. Because that is where I find hope. And it is in those good days that I am reminded that the in the future he's going to be. just. fine.
Prayer. Surrender. Trust. Faith. Hope and whole lot of love. How can that go wrong? His life may not be the picture that I wanted it to look like but it's not my picture to create. It's my son's picture. And I think he's pretty amazing.
And one day I'm going to look back and see how much the good and the bad shaped him into this incredible man of God who is creative and smart and independent and strong. And, maybe in the back of my mind, I will finally allow myself to consider that, yeah, I had a part in molding him into the man that he is and will become.
Wow. He's going to be just fine.
I Didn't Know It Would Be This Hard.
So, things have been a bit rough around here lately. I really don't know how much to get into letting everyone know our business. Let's just say that we have gotten off to a very rocky 2nd grade start. It looks like more and more our seven year old is having anxiety issues along with his ADHD symptoms. And as much as I love ADHD medications, and the positive difference that it makes in the quality of my child's life...I hate it at the same time. Because it turns my child into a somebody different. All for the sake of helping him pay attention at school.
If you are reading this, please do not send me ideas of how to get my kid off ADHD meds. What works for your kid, natural solutions, ideas or help. I am not asking for help or ideas. Not to be rude, but I just need to vent. And I need to vent with just a listening ear...I don't need words of wisdom. I just need support. We need support.
My love/hate relationship with ADHD medications started last year, well, really in Kindergarten. The meds worked so well. My baby was a different kid. He was able to pay attention and stay in his seat. I told the teacher we were torn because we could see how differently our child acted because of this wonder drug. She encouraged me to keep him on it because of the positive changes in his school behavior. Not just academic, he was doing fine without meds academically, but self-esteem wise, having his name called out so much, all this negative attention, was not doing him any favors. Now he was blossoming. We were so happy with that. But, who is this kid who just sits there. Is moody? Gets temperamental at the drop of a hat and is now prone to meltdowns? This isn't our kid. Yes, he can pay attention in class and do his class work, but anytime we show up at school or throw off his schedule he shuts down.
The medication doesn't create all the negative behaviors for our boy. They just bring them out. Intensify them. They are there to begin with. The meds just make them worse. This we have learned. We saw them in him before the meds, they just weren't as obvious.
Now, we are in second grade, and because we changed his meds over the summer, more negative behaviors are showing up. HE isn't a behavior problem, no, everyone loves our boy. It's more internal than that. It's like he is his own worst enemy. Keeping all this stuff inside, the meds making it worse and it affecting his school life. So, now we are into multiple doctor appointments a week, parent-teacher conferences, daily emails to and from the guidance counselor. Not exactly what I expected my seven year old to deal with. It makes this mommy heart very sad. The guilt. The worry. The tension. The meltdowns. The comments from others who see my boy and say, "This isn't like him?? What happened". Makes my heart cringe every. time. I just want him to be him.
But, I'm not just a mom. I am a mental health professional. I have significant experience in dealing with kids with ADHD (God has a sense of humor doesn't he?). I have been on the other side of this thing so often. Holding a parent's hand. Encouraging them to medicate. Saying what is best. I know the stats. I know the benefits and risks of medication. I know that even with the best support, not medicating him can lead to him self-medicating in the future. And by that, I mean ADHD kids are at increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, or other addictive behaviors if their ADHD is left untreated. I know, personally, because I had ADHD and was undiagnosed until a few years ago and I struggle to this day with food. It is my drug. My self-medicating drug. No, my child will not have to go through what I went through. This I know. This I feel strongly about.
Now, it's us. And I now understand how all those parents felt. I had no idea. I could sympathize, but I really had no freaking idea the pain that is involved or the side effects. The changes. I, like the teachers and school staff, just had the child's best interest at heart, and even though there are side effects the the benefits far out weigh the risks...that's what I would tell them. hmmm. I really had no idea at all. But at the same time, medication alone is not the answer. This I know, also. There has to be a comprehensive plan, and we are doing that for our boy.
So, we are on the search for the "perfect" regimen. Ha. Like there is one. We are looking for the best way to treat this ADHD thing without making my son into a zombie or affecting his social skills, or inhibiting his best academic performance. * sigh*. There was a touch of sarcasm there in case you missed it.
It's been a rough couple of weeks. But today is a new day. A new trial. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't.
That's how I feel about right now. Now to get ready for yet another appointment. Waiting to see what kind of email I get from the Guidance Counselor today.
I'm choosing joy, though, because others go through a lot worse than we do. I know that. I hope my venting has not seemed trivial in light of what you and your family are going through. We all have struggles. We all have a burden to bear. I'm thankful for the education I have. And for the encouraging words of our pediatrician when she said I was the best advocate for my child.
Damn right I am. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.
If you are reading this, please do not send me ideas of how to get my kid off ADHD meds. What works for your kid, natural solutions, ideas or help. I am not asking for help or ideas. Not to be rude, but I just need to vent. And I need to vent with just a listening ear...I don't need words of wisdom. I just need support. We need support.
My love/hate relationship with ADHD medications started last year, well, really in Kindergarten. The meds worked so well. My baby was a different kid. He was able to pay attention and stay in his seat. I told the teacher we were torn because we could see how differently our child acted because of this wonder drug. She encouraged me to keep him on it because of the positive changes in his school behavior. Not just academic, he was doing fine without meds academically, but self-esteem wise, having his name called out so much, all this negative attention, was not doing him any favors. Now he was blossoming. We were so happy with that. But, who is this kid who just sits there. Is moody? Gets temperamental at the drop of a hat and is now prone to meltdowns? This isn't our kid. Yes, he can pay attention in class and do his class work, but anytime we show up at school or throw off his schedule he shuts down.
The medication doesn't create all the negative behaviors for our boy. They just bring them out. Intensify them. They are there to begin with. The meds just make them worse. This we have learned. We saw them in him before the meds, they just weren't as obvious.
Now, we are in second grade, and because we changed his meds over the summer, more negative behaviors are showing up. HE isn't a behavior problem, no, everyone loves our boy. It's more internal than that. It's like he is his own worst enemy. Keeping all this stuff inside, the meds making it worse and it affecting his school life. So, now we are into multiple doctor appointments a week, parent-teacher conferences, daily emails to and from the guidance counselor. Not exactly what I expected my seven year old to deal with. It makes this mommy heart very sad. The guilt. The worry. The tension. The meltdowns. The comments from others who see my boy and say, "This isn't like him?? What happened". Makes my heart cringe every. time. I just want him to be him.
But, I'm not just a mom. I am a mental health professional. I have significant experience in dealing with kids with ADHD (God has a sense of humor doesn't he?). I have been on the other side of this thing so often. Holding a parent's hand. Encouraging them to medicate. Saying what is best. I know the stats. I know the benefits and risks of medication. I know that even with the best support, not medicating him can lead to him self-medicating in the future. And by that, I mean ADHD kids are at increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, or other addictive behaviors if their ADHD is left untreated. I know, personally, because I had ADHD and was undiagnosed until a few years ago and I struggle to this day with food. It is my drug. My self-medicating drug. No, my child will not have to go through what I went through. This I know. This I feel strongly about.
Now, it's us. And I now understand how all those parents felt. I had no idea. I could sympathize, but I really had no freaking idea the pain that is involved or the side effects. The changes. I, like the teachers and school staff, just had the child's best interest at heart, and even though there are side effects the the benefits far out weigh the risks...that's what I would tell them. hmmm. I really had no idea at all. But at the same time, medication alone is not the answer. This I know, also. There has to be a comprehensive plan, and we are doing that for our boy.
So, we are on the search for the "perfect" regimen. Ha. Like there is one. We are looking for the best way to treat this ADHD thing without making my son into a zombie or affecting his social skills, or inhibiting his best academic performance. * sigh*. There was a touch of sarcasm there in case you missed it.
It's been a rough couple of weeks. But today is a new day. A new trial. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't.
That's how I feel about right now. Now to get ready for yet another appointment. Waiting to see what kind of email I get from the Guidance Counselor today.
I'm choosing joy, though, because others go through a lot worse than we do. I know that. I hope my venting has not seemed trivial in light of what you and your family are going through. We all have struggles. We all have a burden to bear. I'm thankful for the education I have. And for the encouraging words of our pediatrician when she said I was the best advocate for my child.
Damn right I am. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.
Great Resource!
I started following ADDitude on facebook a while back after searching for some articles on ADHD. It is an amazing resource and I wanted to share it with my readers. I read most of their articles because I have ADHD and my son has also been diagnosed with ADHD. Of course, I had ADHD all along growing up and it was never diagnosed. I struggled. A lot. I don't want my son to have to go through all of that, at least not getting the help that he needs. My husband and I can ultimately decide the steps to help him and his treatment process. This magazine helps.
CLICK HERE to view their awesome website. The have a print magazine, web magazine, webinars, ebooks, etc. Big, helpful resource. I love it. I subscribe to their emails also. If you or a loved one in your life suffers from ADHD, whether inattentive, hyperactive or combined, you will love the information shared on this site!
Pass it on!
You're welcome.
Have a great Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!
CLICK HERE to view their awesome website. The have a print magazine, web magazine, webinars, ebooks, etc. Big, helpful resource. I love it. I subscribe to their emails also. If you or a loved one in your life suffers from ADHD, whether inattentive, hyperactive or combined, you will love the information shared on this site!
Pass it on!
You're welcome.
Have a great Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!
A Day In The Life...
I have officially lost it! Today I was headed out to run errands and could
not find my keys anywhere. At one point, I had taken them out of the purse and
gathered everything up and headed out the door, only to come back in to look at
some coupons....well, then my ADHD kicked in (I like to call it multi-tasking).
Not only was I looking through the coupon drawer, I also remembered that our vacuum
needed a new filter. So I went to the drawer where we keep all our instruction booklets. I decided to take a picture of the vacuum instructions so
that I would know exactly what filter to buy. Then I started thinking about
where I could go to get the filter. Need filter - Go to Target - While at
Target - get Starbucks. Mmmm...coffee. Ok, back to reality. While dreaming of
the Starbucks drink I would get at Target I kept looking through the coupon drawer. Then I started going through all the expired coupons. Then I threw them
away and I decided I could go. Except by then, I could not locate my keys. Why
was I even going out? Oh yeah, coffee. ooh...but I also had to go to Kroger,
even though I had just been there yesterday, because I always seem to forget at least one thing (imagine that). Man, it seems like I go to Kroger every day. ooh...and I also wanted
to go to the Hendersonville Produce Market.
But I couldn't go anywhere until I found my keys...so for the next 15-20 minutes I look for my keys, everywhere. Twice. I did find the coupon I was looking for (it was on the kitchen table) but I was completely frustrated because my keys had disappeared. Finally, I get my husband's key and leave.
While I was running my errands, including Kroger, I tried to backtrack in my mind exactly where the last time I saw my keys. Then I remembered that before I left I was looking for a coupon. That's where my keys were, in the drawer where the coupons were. I got really excited. So I came in and went to the drawer and looked for my keys. No keys. Now I was faced with pulling the trash out and going through it to make sure I didn't throw them out there accidentally. Eww.
Must keep thinking.
Then, my one last and only hope, I decided to look in the drawer where the instruction booklets are kept...you remember, the vacuum filter, right?
Aaaand....there they were. Yep. The search was over.
I told Greg that I found my keys and where I had found them. I also told him that I was losing it.
Then I remembered that I had forgotten, once again, to pick up a certain item while at Kroger.
I rhetorically asked Greg why I keep forgetting to buy at least one from Kroger every time that I went.
He lovingly replied, "Because you're losing it?"
Yes. Yes, I am.
Oh, and I never made it to Target. I honestly never even gave it another thought once I left the house.
And that's my day...how was yours???
But I couldn't go anywhere until I found my keys...so for the next 15-20 minutes I look for my keys, everywhere. Twice. I did find the coupon I was looking for (it was on the kitchen table) but I was completely frustrated because my keys had disappeared. Finally, I get my husband's key and leave.
While I was running my errands, including Kroger, I tried to backtrack in my mind exactly where the last time I saw my keys. Then I remembered that before I left I was looking for a coupon. That's where my keys were, in the drawer where the coupons were. I got really excited. So I came in and went to the drawer and looked for my keys. No keys. Now I was faced with pulling the trash out and going through it to make sure I didn't throw them out there accidentally. Eww.
Must keep thinking.
Then, my one last and only hope, I decided to look in the drawer where the instruction booklets are kept...you remember, the vacuum filter, right?
Aaaand....there they were. Yep. The search was over.
I told Greg that I found my keys and where I had found them. I also told him that I was losing it.
Then I remembered that I had forgotten, once again, to pick up a certain item while at Kroger.
I rhetorically asked Greg why I keep forgetting to buy at least one from Kroger every time that I went.
He lovingly replied, "Because you're losing it?"
Yes. Yes, I am.
Oh, and I never made it to Target. I honestly never even gave it another thought once I left the house.
And that's my day...how was yours???
Four Ways To Survive Vacation With Kids
What is one of the most exhausting, exasperating and stressful thing I have done in this motherhood journey? You think I'm going to say childbirth, right? No, what I'm talking about is taking those beloved children on vacation.
Below are a few things I've learned about surviving vacation with small kids while creating memories and building traditions.
1) Keep it familiar. The past two years we have gone to the same city for a beach trip. This is great because the kids always know what they are going to do and what they want to do. It's familiar, and as long as the kids keep thinking it's fun, it can be a win-win.Hearing my son talk about where we were going to get ice cream, and the first restaurant he wanted to eat at made me smile for probably an hour down the road.
2) Bring reinforcements. Most of time this means grandparents tagging along and it usually works out great. Parents get a night out (or two, if you are lucky) and we don't get sick of each other by the third day.
3) Remember to be flexible. I know this is a given. We know it, but after 10 hours in a car watching Wreck It Ralph over and over along with eating crap food (there really is no other appropriate word for the stuff we eat on the road) my patience is shot. If everyone is in a bad mood, all the kids are going to remember was how crabby mom was, not how great fishing on the boardwalk was. Word.
4) Remember your favorite. One of the things we have started doing with our kids is asking them on the last night of vacation what each of their favorite part was. It actually makes all the hard work, organization and exhaustion worth it to hear your kids talking about what they loved about vacation.
A very laid back summer
I admit it. I have been a slacker. Since the second honeymoon/10 year anniversary trip with my hubby to Cancun I have been barely hanging on. We came back and I spoke the following weekend, kids got out of school the next week, the first week out of school there were no programs for the boys so we have been busy keeping two boys from killing themselves. Seriously.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the laid back schedule. My work, which is part-time anyway, slows down quite a bit in the summer. I have been sleeping in and getting lots of rest. I have to say it's pretty nice.
As it is with every summer, once the boys are home I have this overwhelming desire to implement structure. I can teach structure to other parents all day long, but if you come to my house you will see that it is definitely lacking. I have a kid with ADHD who would actually benefit from a more structured environment. I have a four year old who thinks he runs the world, and lets just say, he needs to be shown the benefit of discipline, whether he likes it or not. Mr. Four Year Old likes to think he is running the show, and all he has to do is flash those big blue eyes that have extra long lashes (that only boys who don't NEED long lashes seem to get) and he sticks out that bottom lip and he thinks he has you fooled. Mmmmhmmmm....
Anyway, back to structure. This time, I am determined to do it. I have everything bought (just like I did last year), I have the plan in my head, the clever charts, we even bought star stickers today. So, ask me in a week how that's going. No, seriously. Ask me.
I've done my ordering and I'm thinking through all my chore charts and household rules. How about you?? I love the freedom of summer, but there has to be balance.
And for me, that means I will forever be trying to implement more structure....even if it's only in my head!!! HA!!!!
I have thoroughly enjoyed the laid back schedule. My work, which is part-time anyway, slows down quite a bit in the summer. I have been sleeping in and getting lots of rest. I have to say it's pretty nice.
As it is with every summer, once the boys are home I have this overwhelming desire to implement structure. I can teach structure to other parents all day long, but if you come to my house you will see that it is definitely lacking. I have a kid with ADHD who would actually benefit from a more structured environment. I have a four year old who thinks he runs the world, and lets just say, he needs to be shown the benefit of discipline, whether he likes it or not. Mr. Four Year Old likes to think he is running the show, and all he has to do is flash those big blue eyes that have extra long lashes (that only boys who don't NEED long lashes seem to get) and he sticks out that bottom lip and he thinks he has you fooled. Mmmmhmmmm....
Anyway, back to structure. This time, I am determined to do it. I have everything bought (just like I did last year), I have the plan in my head, the clever charts, we even bought star stickers today. So, ask me in a week how that's going. No, seriously. Ask me.
I've done my ordering and I'm thinking through all my chore charts and household rules. How about you?? I love the freedom of summer, but there has to be balance.
And for me, that means I will forever be trying to implement more structure....even if it's only in my head!!! HA!!!!
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