Love them like Jesus

This is a title of a song from the Christian group Casting Crowns. I LOVE it. I actually love this whole album but this song and Praise You in this Storm if just perfect for what we have been going through lately. So, I listen to this CD a lot.

People get uncomfortable around people who have experienced a loss. Whether a person has lost a loved one or had a miscarriage people tend to not know what to do or say. We really make it more difficult than it actually is and there are many reasons why people respond or don't respond.

For me, I build walls rather than extend an arm. When my second miscarriage happened I made it clear to the few people who knew that I was a private person and I did not want, in essence, to be bothered. And guess what? People left me alone. And because of this wall no one every brought up the fact that I had experienced a miscarriage. I did get some encouraging emails letting me know I was being prayed for but I felt irritated after a while that no one asked me how I was doing or extended a hand and said to my face, "I am still praying for you". One casual friend did ask me how I was and I thanked her for acknowledging that I had had a loss. But really, was it their fault they were not extending condolences? No, it had been mine. Because I had chosen to build a wall.

This miscarriage I have told a lot of people, some because I had to, others because I just want to share it. I want prayer. I want people to know so they can be praying for us and our family. But still most people don't acknowledge me or the fact that I have had a loss.

Sometimes people who have experienced a loss have to take the initiative to let people know what they can do for them or to clear the air and let people know it is okay to talk about.

Maureen Rank wrote in her book, Free to Greive, a book about grieving over miscarriage and stillbirth, a personal story regarding having to step up and speak when a roomful of people in her hospital room did not know what to say. She writes,

"As these young men and women stood awkwardly beside my bed, I knew the ball was in my court. They had taken the initiative to reach out to me, even though their caring had shoved them into unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory. I knew they wanted to do the right thing, but weren't sure what the right thing was."

Maureen continues to write that she began to talk and to share and open up. the visited ended with mutual giving and receiving.

I haven't done the best job initiating responses from friends and acquaintences. But, I am trying to do better.

I know most people don't know what to say. It is possible that they are afraid of the response they will get...tears, anger or maybe more information than they wanted to know. It is very understandable.

I guess what I am saying in this post is, if you know someone who has experienced a loss, whatever kind of loss it is, just love them like Jesus. Just like the song states, you don't need to know all the right words or to know all of the answers to life's questions. We don't expect you to.

Here are the lyrics to this great song.

Love them Like Jesus
The love of her life is drifting away

They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
She's desperate for home, darkness clouding her view
She is looking to you

Love them like Jesus, carry her to HIm
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
they're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Love them like Jesus, carry her to HIm
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus